In a Name

AT THE NAME OF JESUS.....

Not necessarily thunder or super emotional experience, at His Name Alone

SAY HIS NAME ALOUD

demons will flee, He will be glorified, change will come

New Creation

I am a new creation, old things has passed away--- a new thing springs forth.

Old habits
Old thoughts
Old judgements
Old chains
Old generational sins/consequences
Old sickness
Old strongholds

New Creation - Fresh start.
New discipline
New commitments
New heart
New speech
New soul
New habits
New dreams
New desires
New adventures

Why do the OLD things keep dragging me down, when all I want is change?

Praise

How quickly we forget the grace of God and His mercies renewed for us.  How complacent we sit in out forgiveness, as if it was entitled for us rather than given in love with the utmost sacrifice.  We suppress our true emotions in fear of judgement from others. We think they will judge us and our foolishness and look with distain.  However, I think those around us crave to see genuine thanksgiving, genuine surrender, genuine submission and overall to see God move in and around us.  It illustrates how real He is.  The testimony of praising despite ourselves, our insecurities, our failures, our situation and circumstance could change lives and their perspective of a Living God.  If we can sit stagnant then how can they see Him?  Everyone is different.  Each personality is different. Some people are shy, some outgoing and vibrant and each experiences God differently at different times and different seasons of life.  I may cry (which I often do), I may drop to my knees, I may stand in quiet, I may (though unlikely) shout and raise my hands.  More often than not I am barefoot, cause am I not on Holy ground in His presence?  But lets think of how I would act at a baseball game, a football game, my childs events?  How would I cheer, shout jump or praise then?  But thats in a different context isn't it?  Its more 'acceptable' to act a fool in public at sporting event!  Or is it because we are less focused on the peanut gallery and could care less what people thought?  I am thankful to a Living God for all He does.  He has brought healing, peace, joy, protection, health, salvation, love, forgiveness, grace...the list goes on forever of all He does.  There is no reason not to praise Him.  I guess most of the time I am too bogged down with my own issues and focused on me and mine.  I do struggle with the concept of praising though.  Do I HAVE to raise my hands?  Will God not see me if I don't?  Do I have to sing? Do I have to dance or sway?  Can I not just stand still?  Can I not just stand and cry and weep with no words to say except the grunting sounds I can sometimes get out?  I guess God will have to work on this with me.

Much Love
c.
=)

Sabotage

Since I can remember making resolutions or promises to myself I have had the same two reoccurring themes. Quit smoking and lose weight. 

I realize both of these things contribute to an early grave yet still I continue. Why? 

Now that Zachary is in the picture, you would think these two things would be easy to quit so I can be around for all his great milestones. 

Yet still...

I haven't really suffered from severe depression. I have my days that I figure the world would be better without me or that I am tired of the daily struggles and just want some peace. Depression runs in the family. 

I look at my mom and I am saddened. She has all the knowledge to lose weight, had gastric bypass and tries every quick fix in the book yet still can't seem to lose weight. I blame her a lot for my struggles even though I know it's unfair. I know I have control of my own actions. 

So I had a bit of an epiphany.  A realization of the thoughts that go through my head as I partake in these particular demons. Most times I just say to myself "what's the use, I am going to fail anyway!" But then there is that plaguing innermost thought that I am going to die anyway so why not. 

So even though I have no immediate plans to put a gun to my head I am committing a slow and steady suicide. I don't feel like I am strong enough to resist, based on my track record I am not. But above all I don't feel I have any worth. I am not worth it. So my struggle with smoking and weight is less about addiction but more about my view of myself. 

Somewhat enlightening. But strong enough if an epiphany to promote change? We shall see I guess. 

Much love--

c 

Been a long time

You would think with everything that has gone on In my life that this blog would be busting at the seams. Unfortunately time just slips out of my fingers and days, weeks, months go by and it seems like my whole world changes but I stay the same. I am still wrestling the same demons and losing the fight. If I was winning then there would be something to brag about. Since my last post I have become a nurse, a mother, a friend and a more devoted wife. Each day is hard though. I look to the mirror and I still see a failure. I still see all my weakness and self doubt. I feel like most days I am merely trying to keep my head above water. I don't have anymore to give to myself. I am not really sure anymore who I am or who I want to be. I have lost my faith and I think that the consequences of that penetrate everything else.

I feel a bit lost. Not sure what direction I should go in. And honestly I think I am more riding coattails then making my own path true.


Much love--
c

Yak Yak Yak Zac

Having a little chat with Grammy Yoder

First Snow

Embarrassing....?

Today we were checking out at hardware store and the cashier asked me when my baby was due. Of course I was so shocked I could only reply sweetly that I am not pregnant. I guess I should feel better that I look like I have an excuse to be fat

Sydney Australia

Here is a picture from Bondi beach in Sydney.

Go to http://www.flickr.com/photos/alycepaige/ to see the rest.

Thanksgiving 2010 Snapshots

Rain Rain go away

This was on our way back from vacation. We sat in standstill for an hour. A nice Aussie "highway"

Airlie Beach

Here is a little video from todays adventure. There are not alot because it was raining all day. Snorkeling was fun...no underwater pics because didnt have a camera...so overall good day with good people but I guess it will stay in my mind rather than being able to share with you.

Starbucks

So we are going on vacation so I figure I will see where the nearest Starbucks was to where we are going. Cause first half of vacation Nat will be working so Ill be bored during day at hotel, i figure a good starbucks would help. Disappointment.
Queensland is a state in Australia about the same size as the entire east coast and midwest combined. In that ENTIRE area there are 8 starbucks. EIGHT!!!
Fortunately we live in Brisbane where I know where 2 of those are and sometimes go out of my way to go there. Its really hard to believe that there are 8 in such a large area, considering in LA there were starbucks across the street from each other. Those 8 are within a 50 miles radius...mainly tourist spots.
Australians basically boycotted Starbucks because they came in and set up everywhere and Australian's were like "how the hell do you think you are...you arent real coffee...we like our local cafes so get out" I have asked several Australians about Starbucks...they most all curl up their noses and say "gross" They must only really exist for us American Expats...and those few aussies that either like the coffee, or want to be cooler by drinking it. =)

thats it

Mental Holiday

I have this week off for semester break. A much needed mental holiday. This semester is kicking my ass and after prac and the possibility of wanting to get graduate program in ICU it's also bears the added weigh of keeping my GPA up. Australian grading score is weird. I currently have a 6 out of 7 which I equate as a B but apparently it's really good. I have to have higher than 5.5 to get into program. The first week of one of my classes they went on and on about how so many people failed...thus to added stress. I suppose I did ok on the paper but we shall see what my tutor thinks.
So this week I am not doing anything and it's driving me mad now. I am bored. Thought about doing some prework for next couple weeks but then my head starts to hurt just thinking about it. I guess I should take advantage of this time while I have it.
Hard to believe this time next year I will be a practicing RN ( or rather have a license but at a wedding). It's gone by really fast. But now the semester is dragging!! I think my final exam is November 8th so I still feel like I have a long way to go. Today I booked a vacation to whitsundays. We were debating Fiji but just got too pricey. It's up my grand barrier reef and I have no doubt it will be beautiful. So something to look forward to. Other than that. Nothing too exciting. Just me studying and writing papers till then.
I would like to get a job soon cause spending 3 months with no school or work with definitely drive me into mad house. So I guess pray I find some work as assistant nurse somewhere, for my sanity and my pocket book

Love u all
c.ALIce

For the anxiously awaiting...

So I am going to assume that my avid readers are anxiously sitting and waiting for my grandious blog entry about my life. Well here it is, but I warn you, its really not THAT spectacular.
Hmm, where to begin? Well I am currently taking a mental break from thinking about this stupid assignment. Its a really difficult assignment, but its also very simple. I think I am overthinking it so I am letting all the information I have read sink in so I can sit down and write it in my own words, although it will sound like its for the layman, it will show understanding right? Its actually not that bad of an assignment and really interesting, but the lecturer and tutor basically told us that more than half of last semester students failed, so there is that added amount of stress and pressure. Although I now think they were just trying to scare us, or speaking to the "not so bright" population. Its been a really full on semester compared to last semester. I barely remember last semester!! Its like a haze.
But on to the fun stuff!! I finished prac more than a week ago. BY FAR the best prac I have ever had. My facilitator was one of those people that loved to teach and very motivated to give us every oppurtunity to learn during the four weeks. She had a great rapport with the nurses and it made such a difference to their reception towards us. The other girls I was with were very bright and enthusiastic which just hyped up the morale and confidence to get stuck into it. I was on an ICU ward, which is very different from a general ward. The patients were way more complex and interesting. Its funny, the last couple semesters they talk about how to do certain cares, then you get on placement and its nothing like that. But this ward really put all the theory and information into practice so it all started to click. The culture within the ward was very fun, relaxed yet focused and extrememly knowledgable. The nurses were brilliant!! They were so willing ot challenge our critical thinking and to share their knowledge and give us oppurtunities to do what we had talked about. It has really made me think about going straight into ICU because I had such a great experience there. I asked the nurses on the ward and it was sorta 50/50 whether to start out in ward to get experience or go straight into ICU. Its different kind of nursing i think. I really like the one on one with the patient and sorta a more controlled environment. I of course developed my favorite patient and followed him up until last day. I only had him one day, but he was lovely so I would stop by and check on his progress. The last day I got a hug from his wife with tears and a genuine thank you...so fantastic!! There were also some trajedies and sad stories and deaths. Fortunately I dealt with all that very well, so I am confident I would be a great ICU nurse. Who knows though...I still have a couple more pracs to go. SO far I have liked them all for different reason, and thats a good sign!!
Its already more than halfway through this semester, then I will be off till February next year. I really dont like these long breaks, I fear I will forget everything I learned. I would really like to get a job though. I want to have some experience under my belt, even if its working for a nursing home or something. I think that will help me develop my skills further and be more prepared in the future, and PASS THE TIME!! I worked last summer and it really helped to have a little income and something to do.
I had a great girls night last night with Fliss, Sarah, Cort, Carol and Becks. They are a great group of girls that I would like to get to know better, but just havent really had the oppurtunities. I have hung out with them 3-4 times. I think if I start going to church at Metro then I will see them more often, its just doing it, ya know? Other than them, I have made some other good friendships with girls from uni. Its nice to be connected, I think it makes a major difference in my life.
Marriage is fine, no big dramas. We have been unsuccessful in our pursuits to get pregnant, but now thats on hiatus because of Carols wedding. I am not going to promise not to be with child, but I also dont really want to be 8 months pregnant on my last weeks of uni. I guess we will wait a little longer. I am not so sure I am ready yet anyway, but I dont think I ever will be...so if it happens it happens. Nat has been busy at work and taking some trips to do training. I think its good for him to get away and have a little change of scenery and job responsibilities. He really likes his job and his bosses which I think makes a big difference. He has been given some challenging projects that he really enjoys. So as long as he is happy and the company is happy with him, we will be here in Australia (or wherever else they might send him).
We got our house in east peoria rented out. Vanessa, Hope, Steve and Arron worked really hard to get it ready for new tenants. I dont know what I would have done if I didnt have them. The new renters arent moving in till mid septemeber but we have deposit and signed lease and Hope seems to think they will be a good fit and take good care of it. I am just glad I have someone else paying the mortgage. I think we would have preferred to sell it and get out from under it, but I am happy to still have it to fall back on =)
I think thats about it. I really need to upload my sydney pics. I am trying to put together a video slide show but just havent had time yet. I might attempt that tonight, but highly doubt it.
love you all
c.ALIce

Arent we just adorable

Here we are in Sydney. Behind us you can see opera house and harbour bridge. I was surprised that the opera house is actually 3 seperate buildings. We could have climbed the harbour bridge, but we climbed the similiar on in Brisbane and since you cant take photos, its sorta a waste of money...=)

Here is a little video for you...i have vowed not to be video person anymore...i dont have a steady hand and I am too fast...so sorry about that. Hope it doesnt give you too much of a headache.






I am going to try to find some free video editing software so i can make a mini video of best shots...with music...ya know, when i get time...

its close...

Here is the Story Bridge in Brisbane





And now, the Brent Spence in Cincinnati

Eery similairities...

So these are pictures of buildings in Brisbane....



This are the Ascent Condominiums in Covington (but close enough to Cincinnati skyline to count)



Whatca think?

interesting

There are approximately 4.5 million people living in Sydney Metropolitan area (700 Square miles). Interesting that there is 4.5 million people in the entire STATE of Queensland (look at map, its huge with about 667,000 square miles). Of that 4.5 million....about 2 million (2/3rds) live in Brisbane City (817 square miles). Therefore the additional 666,200 square miles holds the other 2.5 million). It is estimated that approximately 16,000 people move to Brisbane per year.

For perspective...
There are nearly...
8 million people in New York
4 million people in Los Angeles
3 million people in Chicago
333200 people in Cincinnati city limits (76.9 Square miles)
900K in Hamilton County (413 square miles)

So Brisbane is nearly 7X larger than Cincinnati...

fun at pki