Partnership

So its been almost a year that I have been married.� I think it feels about right.� I dont feel like ive been married for 20 years or so comfortable or in a groove that we have it all figured out.� Above all and everything I LOVE MY HUSBAND.� �I couldnt imagine life with anyone else.� He seriously is the other half of me.� He builds me up in the areas of my life where the building up helps me grow in things i lack confidence in.� He encourages me the best he knows how--- and even I am not sure how to let him encourage me (especially in the areas of my life where I want to remain control or feel the most hopeless in) which brings me to my "thought".� Marriage requires partnership...and as of yet, that is the HARDEST thing to learn.� SO lets investigate...what is a partnership?
According to dictionary.com the definition is "A relationship between individuals or groups that is characterized by mutual cooperation and responsibility, as for the achievement of a specified goal"� or otherwise the "the state or condition of being a partner; participation; association; joint interest."� Partner is defined as "One that is united or associated with another or others in an activity or a sphere of common interest, especially:"� I personally think the first defination is the best to make my point.� A 'mutual cooroperation' and 'responsibility' to achieve a specified goal.� Now I mentioned that my husband is fantastic..he loves me SO much and I never have a doubt of his sincerity and depth of love and admiration for me (ok, other than a couple days a month due to ragin hormones...but still DEEP down I KNOW).� There are certain things in my life that I am very defensive with...and things I have struggled with for a long time.� They are goals that I have made for myself yet have never accomplished.� I shared my heart with him and try to open up and let him know that I am trying to psuh through, accomplish these things, and yet I still fail.� Now understand that our mentalities are different in this respect.� He says "well baby, if you want to lose weight, then just do it"� sounds so simple and non-complicated and really takes it to its core..Just DO It...sounds like a Nike commercial.� I on the other hand can have determination and will to accomplish these goals for a short while and then its like my fire just burns out.� The problem arises when he attempts to keep me accountable.� I resist it and determine myself not to let his encouragement influence me...its like something inside flips and I get defensive and hard-headed. Where did my fight against 'authority' come from?� So this is where the dying to me comes and where marriage begins.� So the hardest thing to step down from is my pride..."dont tell me how to do something, dont tell me I cant do something - mentality"� This is the most trying of all places in marriage...this is where you decide whether you want a partner in life and if so, you move closer together to accomplish a goal, or you decide to resist the help (my disposition) and move a little farther away from your marriage and the trust and encouragement and friendship--because after a while he is going to give up and not push that button anymore and I fear that I will lose a bit from our foundation because of that.
So partnership...taking responsibility that its OUR life, not MY life...cooperate mutually with him to accomplish a goal...even though its ultimately up to me to actually do it, but to open my heart and mind and soul (letting down my pride) to allow him to encourage, motivate, and even discipline me.� To not take offensive to his sweet pleading..dont clam up and feel like a failure when he wants to stand beside me and help me not BE a failure...dont do it out of spite just to prove to someone that I am ultimately in control of what do, when and how I do it.��
If you know me at all, you know I have been a rebel, or rather have dealt with my pride, for most of my life.� If someone says I cant do something, I am damn well going to do it--within reason of course.� My heart has always been torn because of this.� For instance, I want to a woman of God that people respect and admire and that feeling still comes up when people say "you can be so much more"---for some reason I feel like keeping people from "being right" about my life, gives me some boasting rights about proving them wrong.
There was an instance last weekend where Nat scoft at something I did because he didnt want me to do it---knew i wanted to change and was trying to keep me accountable.� At the time I was defensive...i had no answers when he asked me what he had to do to keep me accountable.� It took me a couple days and it finally dawned on me--it was about my pride and this feeling I had towards him was not anger but resistance, and I didnt know why...now it has a name, and it makes sense to me what I need to do is not necessarily MY plan for life...but the plan that makes OUR life better.