I really want some blue ice cream.....i really really really really want some....=(
with sprinkles.....
I am going to buy my own soft serve ice cream machine and blue ice cream so I have a constant supply--but it wont be the same...cause it is more than the ice cream...i miss the adventure of blue ice cream...
Monday, June 30, 2008
wake up
So at my job, I design advertising. I have a team that consists of me (Artist Extraordinaire, Sue (Customer Service Rep, she types everything in and creates the tickets) and 3 sales reps (Angie, Diana and Susanne)..they drive around all day soliciting people to buy ads in the newspaper. So Angie, etc sells something, gathers all the information, gives it to sue that creates the ticket and then gives it to me and I design (based on what they have done before or what the client/salesrep draws up for me). The flow of advertising goes up and down, somedays I dont ever run out of ads, always something to do and the day goes fairly quickly. Then there are days like today, where i have recieved NOTHING. I have sat in front of this computer pretending to be busy for nearly 7 hours. I only have 30 minutes or so to go....so I sit and mull and bitch in my head because in lieu and sitting and doing NOTHING, I could be getting 52Cents on the mile (which today would be approximately $50 extra) to drive around Peoria and take pictures for my special project (which I am in sole control and in charge of)---but because SOMEONE doesnt get their mail, I sit here BORED UTTERLY BRAINLESS doing NOTHING and feeling mor eangry, frustrated and irritated by the minute, and others are doing the favorite and most exciting part of my job less that satisfactory--and she brings me the memory card like she is the ulitmate shit and I should worship her (if only she knew what people say behind her back).
i wish this was all over...i imagine that not thinking about it would help, but when I sit doing NOTHING all day, bored senseless, what else is there to think about?
Also sitting here bored, and already frustrated, then Angie, which sits behind me makes all these AGGREVATING noises...its like her throat doesnt naturally swallow and she has to "slurp" her saliva---then she talks to herself no matter what she is doing " i need to find the number to call Tom, he would buy this, well i hope he would, he is a good advertiser, oh darn, what was i doing, oh yeah calling Tom, now where is that number......................................(and she keeps talking and talking and talking.....) Ugh
I should be locked in a room by myself while i am working, or be allowed to work whenever there was work to do. I am pretty efficient and I can get done in one hour what most take half a days work. So i could potentially work part time and STILL have time left over to do nothing...sad isnt it...so i feel like i am wasting my life away with nothing, thinking of all the things I could be doing....but at least I get paid to do nothing (isnt that SO rewarding!)
c.ALIce
i wish this was all over...i imagine that not thinking about it would help, but when I sit doing NOTHING all day, bored senseless, what else is there to think about?
Also sitting here bored, and already frustrated, then Angie, which sits behind me makes all these AGGREVATING noises...its like her throat doesnt naturally swallow and she has to "slurp" her saliva---then she talks to herself no matter what she is doing " i need to find the number to call Tom, he would buy this, well i hope he would, he is a good advertiser, oh darn, what was i doing, oh yeah calling Tom, now where is that number......................................(and she keeps talking and talking and talking.....) Ugh
I should be locked in a room by myself while i am working, or be allowed to work whenever there was work to do. I am pretty efficient and I can get done in one hour what most take half a days work. So i could potentially work part time and STILL have time left over to do nothing...sad isnt it...so i feel like i am wasting my life away with nothing, thinking of all the things I could be doing....but at least I get paid to do nothing (isnt that SO rewarding!)
c.ALIce
feeling ok
I am not depressed or suicidal, overall i am just frustrated with the inconsideration of a certain individual, which drives me mad to think about!
I am in MUCH NEED of this trip to Kentucky for the Fourth of July. I NEED to be around family to reenergize and just have a break from all this madness around me.
I am overall happy in my life. I have too many blessings to count, but sometimes i just see the worst in everything instead of the best. I have read over my previous blogs...i have been like that for a long time.
I dont like stress. I dont like alot things about my life...but it has everything to do with me and nothing to do with those around me. I am the only one keeping me from accomplishing my goals...i have all the love and support I need, I just need to focus, commit and conquer. I just get so tired and unmotivated sometimes.
nothing has changed in my life, but maybe my attitude towards it....which is definately why I want to confirm I was PMSING!!!
c.ALIce
I am in MUCH NEED of this trip to Kentucky for the Fourth of July. I NEED to be around family to reenergize and just have a break from all this madness around me.
I am overall happy in my life. I have too many blessings to count, but sometimes i just see the worst in everything instead of the best. I have read over my previous blogs...i have been like that for a long time.
I dont like stress. I dont like alot things about my life...but it has everything to do with me and nothing to do with those around me. I am the only one keeping me from accomplishing my goals...i have all the love and support I need, I just need to focus, commit and conquer. I just get so tired and unmotivated sometimes.
nothing has changed in my life, but maybe my attitude towards it....which is definately why I want to confirm I was PMSING!!!
c.ALIce
Friday, June 27, 2008
.......
i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored. i am bored.
what can I possibly do for the next 2 hours to occupy my brain so I don't go crazy?!?!
what can I possibly do for the next 2 hours to occupy my brain so I don't go crazy?!?!
Batter My Heart, Three-Person'd God
HOLY SONNETS.
XIV.
Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
John Donne
XIV.
Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
John Donne
All Mixed Up
I am angry, frustrated, tired, stressed and grumpy...
No really people. please pay me for the tickets or I will start charging you INTEREST!! =) I have to pay it! Its been two weeks and I have not personally recieved any money except from my mother-in-law that will likely NOT come.
I have a dilemna in my life that frustrates the SHIT outta me. Out of respect for her business, i will not name names now, but BY GOD, if she does not cooperate much longer, I will plaster her name and business all over my blogs in bad light!! All I want is a copy! It is my legal right as a previous "employee" to have one, but my efforts to get one from her have failed up to this point. I am on the verge of sending over an officier to hand-deliver (and dont put it past me) I am stalled at PJS because until they see a copy of this information, they will not allow me to go and do my big project. That irritates me because they are resorting to people that have no idea what they are doing and produce less than satisfactory results. It also effects other areas of my life, where promising oppurtunities are blooming that will get me out of PJS and moving forward in getting out of debt and doing what I love. ALL I WANT IS A @!#@*@! COPY to review and seek out my options. I am trying to be patient, give space and not become overbearing, but IT IS EFFECTING MY LIFE IN TOO MANY WAYS!! I just want it over with...done, finished, complete.
So life was well, until this one dilemna dampers each and everyday and my control in the situation is futile and non-existant. The funny part, I dont believe she even has a copy....otherwise, what is the big deal? She is so paranoid that I am going to go out on my own and start up a studio---I am not crazy! I am pursuing other options for sure, but I am no threat by any means. It has no bearing....it is just really FRUSTRATING!!!
Otherwise? Well sometimes i really dont like being married. i would rather just run away from all my issues and problems and not have to deal with any of the above crap. Some things I wouldn't have to deal with in Cincinnati. Someone said that I was always miserable. Always looking for something to complain about--or always searching for something wrong. Have I always been like that? Someone said I wasn't trying---like grounding and rooting yourself somewhere is EASY to do --- forgive me if I still have my moments of adjustment! Its not like this particular person had to ever uproot and move, change, grow and start over. I decided to be here, I am here for really one reason...and when that reason is questioned then I want to leave, or leave and bring that reason with me. Yeah, I am a little resentful...its the devil in me. I guess one does not understand the emotional, physical and mental adjustments one needs to make in such a short amount of time. I am trying, I am picky when it comes to who I let in my life....I always have been, thats why I have great friends--no bullshit! I have a couple girls that I love and adore...but when is enough enough? How many friends do I have to have? How many jobs must I go through? How many nights do I have to sit bored and lonely before it hits me? I don't feel grounded. I feel like most of the time there is no plan....what to expect in the next 5 years, and no one to confirm my dreams, but the simple "what will be will be" -- you get nowhere in life waiting for it. Will we stay in Peoria for 5 years? 10 years? No way to answer, but do I seriously ever think we will move? no. is there talk of it? yes. does that put out mixed emotions? yes. Moving wouldnt help anyway.
I need people that truly care, respect, and admire me. I need to be a leader that others look up to. My love language is words of affirmation, hands down....i thrive in them, i roll around and laugh and smile when i know that i am loved--and that impacts every area of my life. I have great starter friends here, but they haven't necessarily gotten to that point yet. I feel like I am not myself anymore. I go to social functions and shy away into a corner--what fun is that? When did that start? I need a close knit community of people that I know will never let me down when I need them. I need to be stimulated emotionally in any other way than dealing with being here and wanting something else. I need to talk about dreams, aspirations, the future, the past...and laugh and cry with people that know where i have been and the potentially for where I am going.
I want to be pursued. I want to feel like life without me is desperate and meaningless. I dont want to be a roommate, or a social aquaintance, I want depth and rooted people. I want thoughts about me and how to make me happy, and actions that follow through. I dont want to do everything. I dont want to always be the one bringing it up. Makes me feel pyscho when I am the only one that seems to notice, or care. I want passion. Not that soap opera shit, but passion that confirms that I belong solely to one person and THE PASSING THOUGHT of me being with ANYONE else, is heartbreaking and utterly DEVESTATING...there shouldn't be an option there to even entertain the idea. It should be snuffed from the beginning...otherwise I see options. Pursued. Desired. Ravished.
I feel protected. I feel loved. I feel successful. I feel content. so what is my problem?
I detest living by other peoples rules. I want to work when I want to work and I want you to trust me that it will get done by the time you need it. I dont want to be called into the office when I did not call walking in the door 5 minutes late. I dont want to hear about it. I want people to not always assume that I can read their minds....you give me shit to work with, Ill give you shit in return. Dont get snobby with me....design your own ads if you think my ideas are shitty (btw, dont you know I am the best you got?) I want a job where my work is appreciated. I doubt I will get that anywhere.
Life is hard. People are selfish. Jobs suck. God seems absent and far far away. I feel this anger and frustration boiling up and I really feel like one day I am going to crack...maybe I am just PMSing.
I am SO tired. This entire week I have wanted to sleep all day. I just want to escape from my life--the stress of the dilemna, the thinking, that over-analyzing, the twists and turns that spin my head. I would like to not have to think about what is going to happen when, but I am a planner. If we have this now, I cant have that till later....and being stalemate in my life waiting for SOMETHING or SOMEONE to make a decision just grates my nerves. I can't make decisions on my own anymore. and I am tired....exhausted thinking about how life will be next month....next year...what if I cant get out of it...that means what? I have to be here another 4 years sulking in my miserable existence? moving would solve it....but as mentioned before, I dont see that ever happening. I want to be free from money, its hold on my future, its power over life. It is not even my money...or my lack thereof. I am trying...but it just seems I get one step forward and two steps back. I hate living above my means, cause in my means, I would be living with Cheryl or Mom. I dont know how other people do it....without there being two of us, I dont think we would survive. I guess you can add that to my resentful list.
So there is a crossroad in my life and three different directions I can take and I cannot take any because I AM WAITING ON OTHERS TO DETERMINE which way I am allowed to go. Do you know how @$#%!* FRUSTRATING that is??
C.Alice
No really people. please pay me for the tickets or I will start charging you INTEREST!! =) I have to pay it! Its been two weeks and I have not personally recieved any money except from my mother-in-law that will likely NOT come.
I have a dilemna in my life that frustrates the SHIT outta me. Out of respect for her business, i will not name names now, but BY GOD, if she does not cooperate much longer, I will plaster her name and business all over my blogs in bad light!! All I want is a copy! It is my legal right as a previous "employee" to have one, but my efforts to get one from her have failed up to this point. I am on the verge of sending over an officier to hand-deliver (and dont put it past me) I am stalled at PJS because until they see a copy of this information, they will not allow me to go and do my big project. That irritates me because they are resorting to people that have no idea what they are doing and produce less than satisfactory results. It also effects other areas of my life, where promising oppurtunities are blooming that will get me out of PJS and moving forward in getting out of debt and doing what I love. ALL I WANT IS A @!#@*@! COPY to review and seek out my options. I am trying to be patient, give space and not become overbearing, but IT IS EFFECTING MY LIFE IN TOO MANY WAYS!! I just want it over with...done, finished, complete.
So life was well, until this one dilemna dampers each and everyday and my control in the situation is futile and non-existant. The funny part, I dont believe she even has a copy....otherwise, what is the big deal? She is so paranoid that I am going to go out on my own and start up a studio---I am not crazy! I am pursuing other options for sure, but I am no threat by any means. It has no bearing....it is just really FRUSTRATING!!!
Otherwise? Well sometimes i really dont like being married. i would rather just run away from all my issues and problems and not have to deal with any of the above crap. Some things I wouldn't have to deal with in Cincinnati. Someone said that I was always miserable. Always looking for something to complain about--or always searching for something wrong. Have I always been like that? Someone said I wasn't trying---like grounding and rooting yourself somewhere is EASY to do --- forgive me if I still have my moments of adjustment! Its not like this particular person had to ever uproot and move, change, grow and start over. I decided to be here, I am here for really one reason...and when that reason is questioned then I want to leave, or leave and bring that reason with me. Yeah, I am a little resentful...its the devil in me. I guess one does not understand the emotional, physical and mental adjustments one needs to make in such a short amount of time. I am trying, I am picky when it comes to who I let in my life....I always have been, thats why I have great friends--no bullshit! I have a couple girls that I love and adore...but when is enough enough? How many friends do I have to have? How many jobs must I go through? How many nights do I have to sit bored and lonely before it hits me? I don't feel grounded. I feel like most of the time there is no plan....what to expect in the next 5 years, and no one to confirm my dreams, but the simple "what will be will be" -- you get nowhere in life waiting for it. Will we stay in Peoria for 5 years? 10 years? No way to answer, but do I seriously ever think we will move? no. is there talk of it? yes. does that put out mixed emotions? yes. Moving wouldnt help anyway.
I need people that truly care, respect, and admire me. I need to be a leader that others look up to. My love language is words of affirmation, hands down....i thrive in them, i roll around and laugh and smile when i know that i am loved--and that impacts every area of my life. I have great starter friends here, but they haven't necessarily gotten to that point yet. I feel like I am not myself anymore. I go to social functions and shy away into a corner--what fun is that? When did that start? I need a close knit community of people that I know will never let me down when I need them. I need to be stimulated emotionally in any other way than dealing with being here and wanting something else. I need to talk about dreams, aspirations, the future, the past...and laugh and cry with people that know where i have been and the potentially for where I am going.
I want to be pursued. I want to feel like life without me is desperate and meaningless. I dont want to be a roommate, or a social aquaintance, I want depth and rooted people. I want thoughts about me and how to make me happy, and actions that follow through. I dont want to do everything. I dont want to always be the one bringing it up. Makes me feel pyscho when I am the only one that seems to notice, or care. I want passion. Not that soap opera shit, but passion that confirms that I belong solely to one person and THE PASSING THOUGHT of me being with ANYONE else, is heartbreaking and utterly DEVESTATING...there shouldn't be an option there to even entertain the idea. It should be snuffed from the beginning...otherwise I see options. Pursued. Desired. Ravished.
I feel protected. I feel loved. I feel successful. I feel content. so what is my problem?
I detest living by other peoples rules. I want to work when I want to work and I want you to trust me that it will get done by the time you need it. I dont want to be called into the office when I did not call walking in the door 5 minutes late. I dont want to hear about it. I want people to not always assume that I can read their minds....you give me shit to work with, Ill give you shit in return. Dont get snobby with me....design your own ads if you think my ideas are shitty (btw, dont you know I am the best you got?) I want a job where my work is appreciated. I doubt I will get that anywhere.
Life is hard. People are selfish. Jobs suck. God seems absent and far far away. I feel this anger and frustration boiling up and I really feel like one day I am going to crack...maybe I am just PMSing.
I am SO tired. This entire week I have wanted to sleep all day. I just want to escape from my life--the stress of the dilemna, the thinking, that over-analyzing, the twists and turns that spin my head. I would like to not have to think about what is going to happen when, but I am a planner. If we have this now, I cant have that till later....and being stalemate in my life waiting for SOMETHING or SOMEONE to make a decision just grates my nerves. I can't make decisions on my own anymore. and I am tired....exhausted thinking about how life will be next month....next year...what if I cant get out of it...that means what? I have to be here another 4 years sulking in my miserable existence? moving would solve it....but as mentioned before, I dont see that ever happening. I want to be free from money, its hold on my future, its power over life. It is not even my money...or my lack thereof. I am trying...but it just seems I get one step forward and two steps back. I hate living above my means, cause in my means, I would be living with Cheryl or Mom. I dont know how other people do it....without there being two of us, I dont think we would survive. I guess you can add that to my resentful list.
So there is a crossroad in my life and three different directions I can take and I cannot take any because I AM WAITING ON OTHERS TO DETERMINE which way I am allowed to go. Do you know how @$#%!* FRUSTRATING that is??
C.Alice
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Cardinals vs. Reds
Hello Everyone!
I just got the tickets in the mail for the game in August. And since it is collecting interest on my credit card, I was hoping to get some money! Here is the deal--I have 23 people confirmed, and 2 extra tickets. I also want to be assured that those on the confirmed list pay and get their tickets. With 23 people going, I am not sure how we will meet beforehand or how I will get you your tickets, and honestly I dont want to be responsible for them all!
We are in sun/moon deck $22 per ticket (includes tax and surcharges)
so... send your money to:
Chrissi Pflederer
117 Cotton Lane
East Peoria, IL 61611
also make sure to include your address so I can mail your tickets to you...(i will do delivery confirmation)...
you can also give your money to cheryl or carol (with address where to send tickets to).
If you are on the confirmed list, you have committed to paying for the tickets, so even if you dont go...you owe me for the tickets. =)
All the tickets are in the same area so I am just going to randomly choose tickets to send to you, but i am sure when we actually get to the game we can sit whereever you want in that area.
Thanks so much!
Below is again the CONFIRMED LIST:
1. Chrissi Pflederer
2. Nat Pflederer
3. Amber Tillison
4. Phil Tillison
5. Cheryl Bond
6. Cindy Tucker
7. Sarah Nunery
8. Ben Nunery
9. Becky Palmieri
10. James Palmieri
11. Sarah Craynon
12. Rachel (Sarah Nunery)
13. Stephanie (Cindy Tucker)
14. Emma Gibbons
15. John "Gibbons"
16. Carol Bond
17. Kaitlyn Palmieri
18. Jimi Bird
19. Katie Bird
20.Sarah Ralston
21. Trevor--hahahah I mean, TRAVIS (Sarah Ralston)
22. Hope Yoder
23. Steve Yoder
24. Kaitlyn Palmieri Friend
PAID
If anyone wants the last two tickets...it is first come--first serve.
I just got the tickets in the mail for the game in August. And since it is collecting interest on my credit card, I was hoping to get some money! Here is the deal--I have 23 people confirmed, and 2 extra tickets. I also want to be assured that those on the confirmed list pay and get their tickets. With 23 people going, I am not sure how we will meet beforehand or how I will get you your tickets, and honestly I dont want to be responsible for them all!
We are in sun/moon deck $22 per ticket (includes tax and surcharges)
so... send your money to:
Chrissi Pflederer
117 Cotton Lane
East Peoria, IL 61611
also make sure to include your address so I can mail your tickets to you...(i will do delivery confirmation)...
you can also give your money to cheryl or carol (with address where to send tickets to).
If you are on the confirmed list, you have committed to paying for the tickets, so even if you dont go...you owe me for the tickets. =)
All the tickets are in the same area so I am just going to randomly choose tickets to send to you, but i am sure when we actually get to the game we can sit whereever you want in that area.
Thanks so much!
Below is again the CONFIRMED LIST:
1. Chrissi Pflederer
2. Nat Pflederer
3. Amber Tillison
4. Phil Tillison
5. Cheryl Bond
6. Cindy Tucker
7. Sarah Nunery
8. Ben Nunery
9. Becky Palmieri
10. James Palmieri
11. Sarah Craynon
12. Rachel (Sarah Nunery)
13. Stephanie (Cindy Tucker)
14. Emma Gibbons
15. John "Gibbons"
16. Carol Bond
17. Kaitlyn Palmieri
18. Jimi Bird
19. Katie Bird
20.Sarah Ralston
21. Trevor--hahahah I mean, TRAVIS (Sarah Ralston)
22. Hope Yoder
23. Steve Yoder
24. Kaitlyn Palmieri Friend
PAID
If anyone wants the last two tickets...it is first come--first serve.
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