When: November 8, 2008
Where: Cheryl's House in Monroe
Why: Chrissi's 30th Birthday Party!
What: Fun, Games, Food, Wii...did I mention FUN!
Who: YOU!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
aarrrr
i am just plain angry...i am angry in my soul...like an unsettling frustration that wont go away. I should be happy to be home. I should cherish each moment of life that I get to spend with my family and friends. for some reason i am just bitter. it feels like some sort of vengeance that feels justified, but has no purpose. it comes out of nowhere...i can be perfectly content and within seconds i am just overwhelmed, tired and bitchy. I think there are pills for this sort of imbalance. It is not fair to take it out on people i love...but maybe in some twisted thought I feel like they are the ones that caused it.
i think i am jealous of others lives...people that have their dreams come true, or my dreams come true in their lives. It seems like it takes no effort at all--that life just throws out the red carpet for certain people. I am lost in life. it feels like coming in from a bright sunny day into the house and it is so bright that you stumble around to find steady ground and all you see is nothingness. its that standing still, knowing that soon your eyes will adjust, but the wait is frustrating....
there is my life...in reality....then there is my life is theory. i had it all figured out. i knew where i was, who i was with and where i was going...now i am just lost. and being lost make me angry.
i think i am jealous of others lives...people that have their dreams come true, or my dreams come true in their lives. It seems like it takes no effort at all--that life just throws out the red carpet for certain people. I am lost in life. it feels like coming in from a bright sunny day into the house and it is so bright that you stumble around to find steady ground and all you see is nothingness. its that standing still, knowing that soon your eyes will adjust, but the wait is frustrating....
there is my life...in reality....then there is my life is theory. i had it all figured out. i knew where i was, who i was with and where i was going...now i am just lost. and being lost make me angry.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
vacation
it feels like some sort of weird vacation. Like I am in some kind of dream. I enjoy being home. I like having my family close--and my friends. The funny thing is that I barely see either set. Nat and I both work from home...him with Accenture and me with my new business. Its exhausting. I really dont mind working from home though. I actually have trained myself enough to get a little bit done during work hours, and not feel like i have to work 24/7. It is sorta a break period right now... i am learning alot of my duties that I havent quite done yet. I am glad to not be designing. I really did not like it. PJS wasnt that bad because it was so easy and I was basically just a clip-art queen. I am much more comfortable with photography.
I went back to Peoria a couple weeks ago to do some photo shoots with a couple of my girlfriends. i realize that i am somewhat unprepared when it comes to doing "natural lighting" with certain backdrops. I would much rather have full control...and there is a way to have a pretty good setup that doesnt require hauling an entire studio lighting set...it is just getting to the point where I can afford to buy it all. One day!
I think that Nat enjoys being here. He doesnt complain about anything...which is unlike him anyway. Its weird, for as much time as we spend in the same house together...i still feel like i never see him.
We are driving to Pennsylvania this weekend to hopefully say his last goodbyes to his grandpa (moms dad) before he passes on. Nat hasnt seen him in 15 years. Its a big step for him to actually go, but I think it is definately more for his mom than himself. I went to a funeral last weekend for my uncle Clyde...he died of almheizers. That disease sucks. So if grandpa meckes dies, that makes 2....and they come in threes -- so I wonder who is next...i TRULY hope not Grandpa Harlan...i would be very sad...=( although i dont know him well or have spent extreme amounts of time with him...i know i am one of his favorites (cause everyone is his favorite..but i like tha personalization aspect). He is really the closest I have had to what i would've had as a grandparent if they werent too old and preoccupied to care about me.
i would really like a monthly girls night. We will have to figure out a consistent day that works well for most people most of the time...like first saturday of the month...i think that will really help to not feel so lost sometimes with everyone...and disconnected. And honestly I need a break from being in this house all the time and who better than with my girlfriends!
well i have a list a mile long and the pillow is calling my name!
love you all
chrissi
I went back to Peoria a couple weeks ago to do some photo shoots with a couple of my girlfriends. i realize that i am somewhat unprepared when it comes to doing "natural lighting" with certain backdrops. I would much rather have full control...and there is a way to have a pretty good setup that doesnt require hauling an entire studio lighting set...it is just getting to the point where I can afford to buy it all. One day!
I think that Nat enjoys being here. He doesnt complain about anything...which is unlike him anyway. Its weird, for as much time as we spend in the same house together...i still feel like i never see him.
We are driving to Pennsylvania this weekend to hopefully say his last goodbyes to his grandpa (moms dad) before he passes on. Nat hasnt seen him in 15 years. Its a big step for him to actually go, but I think it is definately more for his mom than himself. I went to a funeral last weekend for my uncle Clyde...he died of almheizers. That disease sucks. So if grandpa meckes dies, that makes 2....and they come in threes -- so I wonder who is next...i TRULY hope not Grandpa Harlan...i would be very sad...=( although i dont know him well or have spent extreme amounts of time with him...i know i am one of his favorites (cause everyone is his favorite..but i like tha personalization aspect). He is really the closest I have had to what i would've had as a grandparent if they werent too old and preoccupied to care about me.
i would really like a monthly girls night. We will have to figure out a consistent day that works well for most people most of the time...like first saturday of the month...i think that will really help to not feel so lost sometimes with everyone...and disconnected. And honestly I need a break from being in this house all the time and who better than with my girlfriends!
well i have a list a mile long and the pillow is calling my name!
love you all
chrissi
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