Monday, June 18, 2012

Been a long time

You would think with everything that has gone on In my life that this blog would be busting at the seams. Unfortunately time just slips out of my fingers and days, weeks, months go by and it seems like my whole world changes but I stay the same. I am still wrestling the same demons and losing the fight. If I was winning then there would be something to brag about. Since my last post I have become a nurse, a mother, a friend and a more devoted wife. Each day is hard though. I look to the mirror and I still see a failure. I still see all my weakness and self doubt. I feel like most days I am merely trying to keep my head above water. I don't have anymore to give to myself. I am not really sure anymore who I am or who I want to be. I have lost my faith and I think that the consequences of that penetrate everything else.

I feel a bit lost. Not sure what direction I should go in. And honestly I think I am more riding coattails then making my own path true.


Much love--
c

2 comments:

SarahBeth said...

Have you read The Shack? If not you need to. If so, read it again. It has a way of beautifully explaining God's love, grace, mercy and purpose in your life. Losing faith is not an option. God's the only constant thing in this ever changing life. Stop trying to figure out who you are and just accept the fact that you are loved and forgiven. And learn to forgive yourself for things! Do you think you have better judgement than God when it comes to forgiving you? I think he can handle that one on his own. You are a beautiful woman who has been given SO many blessings! Including your most adorable child!
I've been learning a lot lately and it is sad that we let so much of this world get in the way of how we view God, and how we think he views us. Think about the love you have for your child and that is how God thinks of you.
You will make it through. Just don't lose faith.

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