30 DAYS!!!

A month from today I will be getting in a car and driving cross country to my Los Angeles destination. I am excited....and SO stressed, mostly about money. Just seems like God is testing my finances, and this is SO not the time to do that! just have to remember to breathe. i would say that 99.9% of all my stress in life revolves around money. i just wish that someone would just come and release me from the torment. i would love to work just to give to others instead of trying to pay my bills. its frustrating. there are so many people in this world that have money, all i need is about 40,000 and i will be home free, that would pay off school and car...the majority of my debt, and then i could travel and volunteer for red cross or work to help others get outta debt and life out their dreams. pipedreams i guess...unless you are millionaire reading this!!! fat chance huh?
anyway. i am nervous about going, mainly for financial reasons but i am also torn between getting a career job (like salary) or continuing being freelance whatever and live a little. will i find a job that will allow me to pay my bills?? UGH, if the whole world wasnt about money!!?!?!?!?
sorry, just venting frustrations about it all.
i do miss levi. i have been thinking about him alot lately, which just makes it harder to get on with my life. thought i was so over that, thought i could be open and be able to have a relationship with another person. I am finding that difficult, he keeps telling me that i hold back too much. i admit i do. just dont need the point. not wanting to work hard at much of anything in regards to boy-girl relationships. its like if i keep moving and dont plan to stay in one place very long, then i can avoid them all together. i am so non-commital. all well....one day my prince will come and he will have to fight all the demons hanging around and climb all the walls i set up and he will rescue me.
ok i think i am done for now...
send me lotsa money so i can get outta debt
chrissi