i am not even sure what to write about because so many things are not running through my head. Its like i am forgetting to think, which is nice for the time. It has been the longest week of my life. It definately puts life in perspective a little bit. If you didnt know (although i am sure that everyone reading this knows) my dad passed away on wednesday night, surrounded by people that truly loved him. the funeral was yesterday and it was so nice. I think once again we did our daddy proud. he was always laid back and fun-loving and we couldnt possibly have a stoic funeral. i got a call from the lady that was making my wedding cakes that she was unable to do them, so yall will have to deal with whatever i come up with. I think my wedding day will be the hardest and the most joyest day of my life. I cant imagine looking into Nat's eyes and saying "till death do us part" after going through that reality right now. I worry for my mom, i pray she will be ok. She is strong but also has had dad there to take care of her and be her confidant since she was 19. can you imagine? 40 years of marriage?!?! I hope Nat and I live that long to see that.
I think I am still numb. Although i dont think i am avoiding dealing with it. i have such a peace of heart that i almost feel guilty. its like i have dealt with it and now its just a reality. i do have my mini crying spells, when i think about what he will miss out on (our weddings, grandkids, etc etc), but I also know that he was ready to go. There is an amazing comfort when you know that it is not forever. I love hearing the stories about how he influenced so many peoples lives. Its encouraging because i want to strive even more to be everything i can be in the lives of the people around me.
we have recieved support from so many people. moms family, dads family, nats family, employers and friends. I really am in awe of the respect and admiration people have for him, but also that people would see those traits in me, my sisters, my mom and even Nat in such a way that they support us although they never met him.
i am most sad that he didnt have the oppurtunity to meet the new family i have. i wish they could have at least experienced him for one day and could have seen what a strong and wonderful ( or rather good, good) man he was. But most of all for them to see our love for each other and have first hand accounts of his wit and humor. that saddens me. i really wanted to share him with them, they would have loved him too!
thanks to all of you that hurt with us and send your love towards us and him through prayers and thoughts and mutual sympathies. you truly are part of the family, and i would have it no other way. i love you all dearly!!
so we will see how i handle that day, the day a little girl wants her daddy there, but still wants to celebrate that she has someone that loves her (almost) as much as he did. I am thrilled that dad had the oppurtunity to meet Nat and approve him. It will be a bittersweet day.
love you all
see you soon!
Chrissi (soon to be) Pflederer
2 comments:
i hate it that we missed you and nat at the hospital. i also hate it that we didn't make it to the funeral. i wanted to be there for you. but i know you were in good hands. i'm so sorry for what your wedding day will hold. not the good things, but the lack of your dad being there to celebrate with you. know that i'm praying for you and if you want to talk, i'll listen. i love you. i miss you so much knowing that this is a tough time. my heart truly does go out to you. michael and i haven't lost our parents (his mom, my dad), but over the years of pain and cancer, they both aren't who they once were. we both grieve not being able to share in who they once were. but i am glad to still have them. chrissi, i love you. if there's anything i can do to help, don't hesitate to call.
i love you love you
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