i am here....

So i really wanted to write on thursday last week, but in order to get friday off i had to make sure all my work was done...and the work just never stopped coming in...so sorry to that one person that stayed up all night with her insomnia and blamed me for it!

I really have a LOT on my mind today. There has been alot of things that have happened, with family and friends and even decisions that need to be made. I am not sure what is going to happen...and frankly i am scared, uneasy and excited! This weekend has been a whirlwind of emotional uneasiness, hopeful thoughts and just not having words to say, knowing what to do or having sound and wise advice to give.

Its funny that life gets to a point that you climb above the pile of chaos and for a glimpse can see the horizon and stand on top with the wind in your hair...then all of a sudden, out of no where, with no warning, you loose your footing and end up on your back looking back up the towering pile of chaos..wondering to yourself if you will ever regain the strength to climb up it again...but i remember the view on top...surreal!

We really have a habit on our group of friends to share thoughts and feeling with metaphors that people may or may not understand. I find it humorous.

I must say that the game was AWESOME!!! It was so nice to hang out with a group of people that you can truly be yourself around and talk to and just be with. I really do miss it. I know it wouldnt be like it is when i come for the weekend if I would ever move back...but there is just something about being close enough to people that you care about. I truly do have the most amazing people in my life. There is just not enough time in a weekend to feel like I have had quality time with everyone...most of the time on my ride home I think about who i may have not talked to enough..or wishing I had more time.

I am feeling more grounded here in Peoria. I have one good friend and some open door oppurtunities that have get to flourish. My job is cake and I enjoy it---i am basically a clip art queen....but i am good at what I do, which gives me some satisfaction. I am pretty content. I think I have learned to not hold on so tightly to my comfort zone and let it go. For the first couple years I was so focused on what I was missing out on in Cincinnati and waiting to get out of here that I didnt try as hard as i could have. I really feel like I have stepped out and made an effort here....and I am really proud of myself. Now I feel like I can conquer the world no matter where I am.

(this is for sarah craynon) I have liked chocolate most of my life. Chocolate has been really good, but there was a point where chocolate just wasnt enough anymore. I really want to try something different, so I sampled some dark chocolate, and that is nasty, and white chocolate is ok, but nothing quite compares to milk chocolate. Then someone introduced me to caramel...and I fell in love with it. it was so creamy and delicious. I wanted to eat caramel all the time and I really thought I had passed over the chocolate addiction until once in a while i wanted chocolate. Then I thought, what if I can mix chocolate with caramel, that would be the ultimate satisfaction! It would work in theory, but I didnt have the resources to make that happen. So I continued to really grow to love and adore caramel alone, and made it a point to eat chocolate as much as i could. Now, although I really love chocolate, I tend to eat more and more caramel, and honestly I dont mind it...it is tasting almost as good as chocolate. Chocolate will always have a place in my heart, and if I could put caramel and chocolate together, I would be a happy happy girl...even though I like them just the same seperately. But I see a glimpse in the future, and a promising hope that my desire will come -- and if everything works out then chocolate and caramel can always be together....I can have the best of both worlds!! so maybe, just maybe, one day it will happen! (hahahhahahaha -- love your metaphors, had to play along!)

thats it for now...i need to get some work done...
Mrs. P