itchy feet

Or so you would think. I never really did imagine that my life would end up like this, although in my head I always dreamed about it. I have a wonderful husband, that does more than just sit and look pretty and love me...he truly does stretch me to places and to do things that I dreamed about, but could never do on my own. I guess I did find my soulmate. I think that is the definition right?
I think I am going to stop trying to figure myself out. I think that I have a solid idea, then I get thrown all these curve balls. I thought I didnt want to do photography full time, but I have potential for up to 5 weddings this year alone. But most of those probably will fall through (and to no fault of my brides, my fault for not being here). I really have to weigh my options at this point to be here or go and when and how. More on that later.
I thought 2008 was going to be the whirlwind year. In January I thought to myself, this year is going to be crazy, and in ways it was. I went to Egypt, fulfilled a year at PJS, dabbled more into photography and moved to Ohio...one of which definately wasnt planned. 2009 is proving already to beat the shit outta 2008 and its not even March. I have already been to Phoenix, dabbled and had more opps for photography gigs, still "jobless", starting STNA school, applied for Nursing school is US (and abroad), had pretty amazing (in my book) surgery, and now on the verge of possibly moving again...did i mention its NOT EVEN MARCH!!! It really is mind-boggling how my life just unravels. I get this ideal in my head of what life is going to look like, get settled in it a little bit, then BAM! it unravels...not even in a bad way though...good thing that although I am not always thrilled with change, I am not afraid of it to the point that I sit idle. (although I am sure without Nat holding my hand, I would be sitting pretty right here forever!!).
SO the news will come. At some point it will be open knowledge and I will be able to share so much more about what is going on (although some of you I am sure have pieced it together)---but it is still not definate, set in stone, contracted so we need to play it safe and protect what is ours now before we spill the beans and it doesnt work out. i cant imagine how it would NOT work. The waiting is torture. I guess I consider myself a patient person, though some would disagree, I think overall I can hold my own. I am holding out...and it sucks.
When we moved to Cincinnati, we talked about the possiblities on August 18, by Sept 15 we were packing up our house and driving out of town. Everything just fell into place in no time...not alot of waiting or stalls...job ok'd it, found awesome renters, it was amazing. I wonder if all that brought us to this, even without us knowing it. We are in a fabulous position to take this oppurtunity. 6 months ago, this would have been impossible. that is crazy to me.
I guess some people are like that, they can just get up and go, while others are more stable. Stable is not bad...those people are awesome...gives us wild seeds a place to settle for a while. I wish I could give them wings to fly, but maybe they just arent meant to. It takes practice to be risky, and as many times as you do it, it is still the most UNNERVING thing ever. I want to settle down one day. I want to live in the same area for more than a year. I am getting weary of moving and change, but I have had my fill over the last couple years. I just want to catch my breath. I sorta know something about myself though...as much as i think i want to stand and catch my breath, once i took a deep breath and had a chance to look around a bit, i would want to go again. Maybe I am a little harsh on people...but I think its because I want everyone to be like me; with no cares or responsibilities...but even as i get older, I see more and more of that slipping away. Life is meaningless without something to work towards or having purpose. Some peoples purposes are simple to be where they are needed, and others have "itchy feet" and just need to get out and go.
So take this encouragement. Dont try to be anything you are not, but at the same time, dont let anyone keep you (including yourself!) from being who you want to be. You alone are in control of your own happiness and destiny. In the most basic of terms.."fend for yourself"
Thats it
c.ALIce