so i did a workout yesterday. i really need to get motivated to get into shape. i want to do it before i get to california, even though much of my motivation is in california. tiffany doesnt mess around...she will drag me to the gym. nice to know, but i know i can do it on my own.
i made some money yesterday on ebay. good for me. i should really keep my mouth shut though. i was planning on using it as a savings for california, now i am obligated to give it to the parents to help with bills. i understand, but still irritating. seems like just when i get ahead there is always something there to hold me back. i want to pay off a credit card, but instead of the credit card, i have to pay a mortgage payment. i SO do not want to own a house or have any fiscal responsiblities when i grow up. i dont ever want to rely on my job or income to keep a roof over my head. i will save for years to buy a house, straight out, no loans. i know...wishful thinking. it is just a little frustrating hating to go to work, wanting so bad to leave with some sort of security financially and of course it just falls apart. i thought God was taking care of me, then ....
i love my parents. i love my family. i love many many things, but i am SO ready to have a life of my own. i cant imagine how cheryl feels. she has helped financially far more than i have. she is a better daughter than i am. carol is so broke, there is no way. watch...she will become the millionaire. i hate to complain about it. i hate to feel bad for helping those in need, but it just seems like it comes at the worst times. this house better sell soon!! i think when i get to california that i will be making more money so i can help out more. i am planning on selling my truck before i go, so i can get a car with a cheaper car payment, and better on gas milege. i am still trying to trust Him. Just hard when my idea of taking care is falling apart. the most frustrating part is that i am not making the money at work. i am broke too. i still have bills to pay, and once when i averaged 100/day now it is like 50....NOT GOOD!! thats an incredible loss. especially considering i work like 50-60 hours a week. 25 so far this week, and i still have all day tomorrow, friday and saturday. GOD PLEASE PROVIDE. 46 more days. not a whole lot of time. SO excited and scared to death at the same time. what in the world am i getting myself into?
just pray that God will provide for my family, that the house will sell and we will all find places to go. honestly i think the house would sell if mom and dad would leave when people came to see it...i wouldnt want to walk around a house with the owners still lurking around...but hey...its their house. i also wish they would just get to moving. it just keeps getting postponed week after week. by the way, i am going to need some bodies to help (sarah..your bro has friends!!) i will keep you updated. hopefully by the end of the month...was SUPPOSED to be the last of february...see my frustration!?!?!? just itching for the big change...sick of waiting around.
think that is enough bitching for today. i actually had a fun day. work wasnt so bad, made alright money, and had some fun tables. i think i got to the point that i am not about trying to make all the management and owners happy, just the people i wait on (because ultimately, they determine whether or not i have a job!). i need to get resume crap together though. ugh....one more thing to do!!!
c.ALIce
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