life not that bad

as you all know, i am very anxious to leave cincinnati and move on with my life in los angeles. i am also scared to death. i am leaving everything i have ever known. i continue to waver back and forth in my head to who i will become when i am there. i am not too worried about it. i do have this intense feeling of guilt sometimes by the way i live my life. not being who i think God wants me to be. But i also wrestle with His love for me, though i know its not an excuse, i just think that His love is bigger than my short-comings.
I am not one that really expresses whats really going on, but still speak of many things in poetic rambling because i still hold back certain parts of my life from those i know read this blog. do i think they will judge or condemn me...probably. take no offense, there are some things in life that just shouldn't be talked about...its just not proper (or so i was taught).
work isnt all that bad. Sid is talking to me again, which is a relief because he is really the only one i really talk to or hang out with. I have known him for years and we have had some pretty intense conversations. i would hate to lose that, and i thought i did. he is stubborn as all get out though. i wonder sometimes why we are even friends because we argue a lot. levi is like that too though. i guess i like the challenge of making up...or i think they are worth the effort for some reason.
tiffany is very excited about me moving there. i am literally counting down the days and trying my best to tie down all the loose ends before i go. financially i am good, except i would like to be more secure. i pretty much have a job once i get there, maybe even two. i am really not worried about it. everything seems to be working out perfectly...so far, i am sure something trajic will happen the day before i leave...such an optimist i know.
that is really the only thing interesting to talk about...of course there are other things i think about that i can go into....but i'll just keep that to myself. i am finding that i am a pretty boring person. i think this blog might be more interesting when i am in california and i can talk about my adventures with people at home without really having to talk to each and everyone. i think i will miss a couple people...but i wont know until i get there.
c.ALIce