i am fine, promise

carol was sorta getting on me because i havent written in a while but no one really has, doesnt mean that life doesnt go on, just means that life either got too complicated or too busy. mine is the latter. about two weeks ago i started working with levi, which is briefly explained in my other entries. basically i am designing anything from logos to websites (for now). i have done several brochures and various other projects. i feel a little overwhelmed right now with the conclusion that college sucks and i spent too much money for nothing. but i have learned so much in the process. i am a bit frustrated because i feel like such an amateur, but i will survive, because it is something that i really want to pursue, and it is worth it to get where i want to be. its just alot of teaching yourself, refershing yours memory and getting creative again. i really like working from home, its much harder that way, one must be more determined, but i love it. levi is great, i like much better to be his friend, a lot less drama and heart ache, and since i met Nat, i really look back and think "what the hell was i thinking" levi is still a great friend, but i am glad i am over that. and i know all of you agree.
i have been working at jonahs, hating it. i am not sure i will go back after my trip. oh yeah, the trip. i am currently in ohio, staying at home (well, sisters) for a week then flying down to florida to stay with levi for training, then i will go back to illinois. its the longest i have been away from Nat, i think we will survive. That is still going great. I cant believe i have stayed with one person for this long and not fought or gotten on each others nerves (i can push some buttons, but i dont think i have gotten too out of control). i did have one of those nights where i cried because i felt so utterly overwhelmed all at once, and thinking about what i was really doing. i let it out, and i appreciate him more. i am in awe that i get to spend the rest of my life with him. its such a healthy relationship (not because we dont fight, but because we can talk about it). i hope that everyone gets to expereince this kind of relationship, and that it will last.
well i am broke. LA was not the most fiscal acheivement of my life, but you deal and move on. i will be ok, will take some time to get back on my feet still because i have like 100 to my name, and i owe it to someone. i wish there was money coming in, but i doubt i will get the apartment deposit back (although i didnt sign anything so i should be reimbursed when a new roomie moves in), and other than that, theres nothing. plus all the debt i accrued while there, i am looking into my options. it is very humbling and it makes me feel so helpless. i have always been in the money, not so much that i was wealthy, but comfortable in my means. i hate not being able to be generous because i dont have anything to give. i am blessed with amazing people in my life that are generous, though sometimes hard to accept their gifts, i am learning more and more about "recieving" (remember my issues).
lately i feel an insurge of a desire to seek after GOD creep in. its been a while since i have had the inkling. I just want to take time and spend with HIM and get reaquainted. i understand a little better how relationships are maintained, and in that i see how i have failed HIM, but not really failed, just lacked devotion. there are so many things i have to be thankful for, and i dont want to cheat myself from a fuller life.
well there is not much else right now. love nat, hate jonahs, in ohio, going to florida, working with levi, happy, content, lovestruck....
abby: glad you love your new house, cant wait to come visit. i bet "butch" is huge.
amber: want to come up, or you come down (but frankly cant afford the gas and not sure when it is feesible)
steph: anytime is good, and call me
kati: you need to 1. update your blog 2. call me
sa: good to see you
carol: train your dog
cheryl: get carol to train her dog =)
jen e: hello??!??! how are the wedding plans?
nessa: do you even read this?
sarah c: reading, will comment later. how is life? stormy?
Nat: you really are incredible, miss you, love you (kisses)

thats all for now...ill try to update it better.
c.ALIce