So this week Ruth Ann has been calling me at 5:30 in the morning to go walking. I have actually gone. This morning I got no call...I was somewhat disappointed and somewhat relieved because i went to bed sorta later than i would have liked. So now i should be working, I have made a lot of progress this week but still hate to send my stuff for review because of the critiques. I think i truly despise my job more every day. Nat keeps telling me to take classes and grow more and i will like it better. maybe if i knew what i was doing i would feel more comfortable and productive. I dont know. I think overall i am just frustrated in general. I hate taking my frustrations of life out on Nat. Its not his fault. I am not sure what i want. I want a friend to hang out with. I want to have people i can have deep thoughtful conversations that dont live 6 hours away. I want to grow spiritually. I want to be loved...i know i am loved. Nat is very good about loving me, and so are my friends in Ohio and elsewhere...but i am talking about being loved, for people to seek out to hang out with you because they think you are so cool. I have met people and they have my phone number but no one has really reached out. Brinlee reached out alot, and she is moving away. I thrive by people, and i feel so alone all the time. I sit in the house all day staring at a computer screen. I sit all night, mostly staring at a computer screen. I really miss the interaction with people. I almost feel like sometimes i forgot how to be around people. I am sure that is like riding a bike...
So we thought that maybe i could go work at CSE, not for CSE but just sit at a desk or something so that i am out of the house and around people. Its an option, but I am not too sure about it yet. It just doesnt feel comfortable to me. I think about getting another job, but then I also think of how much i have on my plate right now and that getting another job would just take away from the jobs i have now.
Arbonne is such a relief. I see the potential to make friends and hang out with people and make money. Its like the light at the end of the tunnel. I dont think Nat really knows what to think. I made my first order last night and I am officially an independant consultant. I have a number and a pin and everything. I am very excited. I think it may be what i am looking for to escape my current situation. Its hard to be proactive about your life and not have people babysit you through it. I really have to decide what I want and go for it despite others opinions or preconcieved notions.
Another cool note, I started the Breaking Free Beth Moore study again. I am not putting it on a daily schedule, thats too much pressure and guilt. I have done a couple days, talking about disobedient kings of judah. I have done it once before but i have a feeling that it will be EXTREMELY different this time around. My struggles are definately different. WE'll see how well that goes. I am not a very good Bible reader...nothing every really hits me. I guess part of me feels like i know it all already. Of course i dont.
anyway, i need to go get breakfast and get some work done so i feel productive and valid today. sad eh?
love you all..i am excited to see you next week.
Mrs.P
1 comment:
wish i could be there. i had my first presentation tues. it went well. did you do your rsvp yet? any questions you have, i have a great up-line. very supportive. plus, they're all semi-local. i got my rsvp yesterday and it was like christmas!!! i gave out three sets yesterday at church. nicole gabhart, matt was in our wedding, was the one who introduced it to me. i signed up to sell w/o even trying the products. i spent 4 hours sunday doing critical research of the company trying to find complaints and information not told to me by consultants. i found like one complaint. i checked it out on my own and still felt very comfortable. I also checked the better business bureau and they haven't had any complaints in the last three years, that's all the bureau reports on, the last three years. michael is excited about it, which has inspired me. i'm really hoping to sell 1000 retail this month and skip to district manager. it goes me, nicole, valerie, delanna, nora, mary in my up-line. mary just got her mercedes and is having her presentation of it tonight. i know it can happen for us, too. i'm looking forward to the financial help. we've been really working to get out of debt and i know this is the key. call me anytime and we'll talk about it. plus, it's good for your skin and your health!!!!
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