Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Friday, November 07, 2008
control....
So since i have been back to Ohio, I cant decide if i am mad because my life got turned upside down or because my plans had to accommodate. There is really no reason to be mad, I am surrounded by friends and family that support me and want the best for me. Carol is definately the most hard-pressing on the issue, she basically wants to carry the photography business so I will stop stalling on it.
I went a couple weeks ago to a wedding with a photographer in Cincinnati. I thought it was fun, sorta. 10 hour wedding days are long and ridiculous...and boring. It was fun to look through my camera and see the image...i even considered for a split second to change up all my equipment from nikon to canon to accommodate a need to fit in(or have axcess to others equipment that may or may not share). I could not bring myself to do it.
1. I know Nikon, I can get inside the and change settings like no tomorrow and i have a fairly good idea what it will do.
2. Carol said something that stuck, and as snobbish as it may sound...Canons are for amatuers...that is totally wrong and uncalled for because there are SO many excellent photographers that use canon...but I like to have an elitest prespective. Maybe one day I will switch, but now, I think ill stick to what i have.
So i figured something out about me this week. Well a few things.
I can't except people to knock down my door with oppurtunities unless i put myself out there.
I found that I am talented, but living a lie.
I found that life will never work how you want it to.
i found that I am way more concerned with success than what may be right.
I get hurt when my friends dont consider me as asset. I have a four-year degree in photography...why would ANYONE else take your pictures? Probably because I bitch and moan and dont make myself available. I am scared to death I will screw it all up or not measure up...then in retrospect i see how much better i am. I think as a photographer you have to be somewhat cocky...I have not been so cocky lately and it has cost me experience. I need to take more pictures, I need to get past this stupid "unqualified" feeling.
I am talented damnit! After seeing some in action, I realized that "its not that hard". I am making a mountain out of a molehill. People appreciate good pictures, I know I can take them....I just need more so they can be properly convinced. the more is hard...i feel like i dont have a lot of time.
Plans change. 3 months ago we were in Peoria, planning how to finish decorating our house, what new project to conquer and conscienciously trying to get pregnant. Why not? We are married, we have a house, steady jobs and its the natural progression of life. We are not 21 anymore, if we want to have the ability to run and play, we should probably have them soon...and that plural so we need time to have, adjust, have adjust...then we move. Bad decision? nah. Hard decision? nah. tough on pre-planned events. yeah. I like being here, I think its best for me and him and our future, but its hard starting over. I was comfortable, life was predictable, i was growing...My plans got ruffled. I live with my sister...which is fine, but not the ideal situation for babies...its already crowded, we cant buy house till we sell the other one, which may be 10 months or 10 years...we havent really even decided if we will stay in Cincinnati once renters move out and we find it difficult to maintain mortgage with living here. its complicated...too much thinking.
Finally, I am a success junkie I think. so i have this job where i have a business that i run for someone else. it pays the bills, and its sorta like working for a corporate society without actually working there. It has its perks. I dont feel super qualified for what I am doing, it is a huge learning curve and requires organization and etiquette...neither of which i have a gold-star in. It will potentially be something incredible...one day...In the meantime I am dealing with the fact its not my dream. I am living out someone else's mighty plans. Its ok though, I get my share, but its still hard...I would rather be doing something for me...something i put off maybe for the rest of my life. I really love photography, but do i want it as a career to get burnt out and hate it? maybe its more to do with the passion of doing it, then doing it full time..
So Nat and I have been attempted to get pregnant for nearly 8 months. Hell, I got it down to the day and calculated the cycle for optimum potential. sad i know...i dont want to have a baby right now. i dont feel like we are in a place in life prepared for it, i think there are other issues we need to figure out...i am not ready to live my life into the hands of mini-me...i need more vacations first! i know how it changes life...i am dumb enough to think it wont -- but it will. I dont want the responsibiblity and i dont see how it fits right now because I havent figured me out yet. despite all that, i want to get pregnant...because i am a success junkie. I want to know that it is possible. i want to know that I can be good at it or something. I like the idea more for the special treatment aspect than the baby aspect. Nat doesnt seem to concerned about not having kids right this second. i know the grandparents are anxious...I just want to know what its like, know that it can happen, and then go on with my life. Now dont go getting all hot and bothered if you find out tomorrow or next month that we have been sucessful in concieving, its meant to be...i just dont have any control over it.
I think that will do for today...happy reading!
Mrs. P
I went a couple weeks ago to a wedding with a photographer in Cincinnati. I thought it was fun, sorta. 10 hour wedding days are long and ridiculous...and boring. It was fun to look through my camera and see the image...i even considered for a split second to change up all my equipment from nikon to canon to accommodate a need to fit in(or have axcess to others equipment that may or may not share). I could not bring myself to do it.
1. I know Nikon, I can get inside the and change settings like no tomorrow and i have a fairly good idea what it will do.
2. Carol said something that stuck, and as snobbish as it may sound...Canons are for amatuers...that is totally wrong and uncalled for because there are SO many excellent photographers that use canon...but I like to have an elitest prespective. Maybe one day I will switch, but now, I think ill stick to what i have.
So i figured something out about me this week. Well a few things.
I can't except people to knock down my door with oppurtunities unless i put myself out there.
I found that I am talented, but living a lie.
I found that life will never work how you want it to.
i found that I am way more concerned with success than what may be right.
I get hurt when my friends dont consider me as asset. I have a four-year degree in photography...why would ANYONE else take your pictures? Probably because I bitch and moan and dont make myself available. I am scared to death I will screw it all up or not measure up...then in retrospect i see how much better i am. I think as a photographer you have to be somewhat cocky...I have not been so cocky lately and it has cost me experience. I need to take more pictures, I need to get past this stupid "unqualified" feeling.
I am talented damnit! After seeing some in action, I realized that "its not that hard". I am making a mountain out of a molehill. People appreciate good pictures, I know I can take them....I just need more so they can be properly convinced. the more is hard...i feel like i dont have a lot of time.
Plans change. 3 months ago we were in Peoria, planning how to finish decorating our house, what new project to conquer and conscienciously trying to get pregnant. Why not? We are married, we have a house, steady jobs and its the natural progression of life. We are not 21 anymore, if we want to have the ability to run and play, we should probably have them soon...and that plural so we need time to have, adjust, have adjust...then we move. Bad decision? nah. Hard decision? nah. tough on pre-planned events. yeah. I like being here, I think its best for me and him and our future, but its hard starting over. I was comfortable, life was predictable, i was growing...My plans got ruffled. I live with my sister...which is fine, but not the ideal situation for babies...its already crowded, we cant buy house till we sell the other one, which may be 10 months or 10 years...we havent really even decided if we will stay in Cincinnati once renters move out and we find it difficult to maintain mortgage with living here. its complicated...too much thinking.
Finally, I am a success junkie I think. so i have this job where i have a business that i run for someone else. it pays the bills, and its sorta like working for a corporate society without actually working there. It has its perks. I dont feel super qualified for what I am doing, it is a huge learning curve and requires organization and etiquette...neither of which i have a gold-star in. It will potentially be something incredible...one day...In the meantime I am dealing with the fact its not my dream. I am living out someone else's mighty plans. Its ok though, I get my share, but its still hard...I would rather be doing something for me...something i put off maybe for the rest of my life. I really love photography, but do i want it as a career to get burnt out and hate it? maybe its more to do with the passion of doing it, then doing it full time..
So Nat and I have been attempted to get pregnant for nearly 8 months. Hell, I got it down to the day and calculated the cycle for optimum potential. sad i know...i dont want to have a baby right now. i dont feel like we are in a place in life prepared for it, i think there are other issues we need to figure out...i am not ready to live my life into the hands of mini-me...i need more vacations first! i know how it changes life...i am dumb enough to think it wont -- but it will. I dont want the responsibiblity and i dont see how it fits right now because I havent figured me out yet. despite all that, i want to get pregnant...because i am a success junkie. I want to know that it is possible. i want to know that I can be good at it or something. I like the idea more for the special treatment aspect than the baby aspect. Nat doesnt seem to concerned about not having kids right this second. i know the grandparents are anxious...I just want to know what its like, know that it can happen, and then go on with my life. Now dont go getting all hot and bothered if you find out tomorrow or next month that we have been sucessful in concieving, its meant to be...i just dont have any control over it.
I think that will do for today...happy reading!
Mrs. P
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
ITS MY PARTY!!!
SAVE THE DATE!!!
When: November 8, 2008
Where: Cheryl's House in Monroe
Why: Chrissi's 30th Birthday Party!
What: Fun, Games, Food, Wii...did I mention FUN!
Who: YOU!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
aarrrr
i am just plain angry...i am angry in my soul...like an unsettling frustration that wont go away. I should be happy to be home. I should cherish each moment of life that I get to spend with my family and friends. for some reason i am just bitter. it feels like some sort of vengeance that feels justified, but has no purpose. it comes out of nowhere...i can be perfectly content and within seconds i am just overwhelmed, tired and bitchy. I think there are pills for this sort of imbalance. It is not fair to take it out on people i love...but maybe in some twisted thought I feel like they are the ones that caused it.
i think i am jealous of others lives...people that have their dreams come true, or my dreams come true in their lives. It seems like it takes no effort at all--that life just throws out the red carpet for certain people. I am lost in life. it feels like coming in from a bright sunny day into the house and it is so bright that you stumble around to find steady ground and all you see is nothingness. its that standing still, knowing that soon your eyes will adjust, but the wait is frustrating....
there is my life...in reality....then there is my life is theory. i had it all figured out. i knew where i was, who i was with and where i was going...now i am just lost. and being lost make me angry.
i think i am jealous of others lives...people that have their dreams come true, or my dreams come true in their lives. It seems like it takes no effort at all--that life just throws out the red carpet for certain people. I am lost in life. it feels like coming in from a bright sunny day into the house and it is so bright that you stumble around to find steady ground and all you see is nothingness. its that standing still, knowing that soon your eyes will adjust, but the wait is frustrating....
there is my life...in reality....then there is my life is theory. i had it all figured out. i knew where i was, who i was with and where i was going...now i am just lost. and being lost make me angry.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
vacation
it feels like some sort of weird vacation. Like I am in some kind of dream. I enjoy being home. I like having my family close--and my friends. The funny thing is that I barely see either set. Nat and I both work from home...him with Accenture and me with my new business. Its exhausting. I really dont mind working from home though. I actually have trained myself enough to get a little bit done during work hours, and not feel like i have to work 24/7. It is sorta a break period right now... i am learning alot of my duties that I havent quite done yet. I am glad to not be designing. I really did not like it. PJS wasnt that bad because it was so easy and I was basically just a clip-art queen. I am much more comfortable with photography.
I went back to Peoria a couple weeks ago to do some photo shoots with a couple of my girlfriends. i realize that i am somewhat unprepared when it comes to doing "natural lighting" with certain backdrops. I would much rather have full control...and there is a way to have a pretty good setup that doesnt require hauling an entire studio lighting set...it is just getting to the point where I can afford to buy it all. One day!
I think that Nat enjoys being here. He doesnt complain about anything...which is unlike him anyway. Its weird, for as much time as we spend in the same house together...i still feel like i never see him.
We are driving to Pennsylvania this weekend to hopefully say his last goodbyes to his grandpa (moms dad) before he passes on. Nat hasnt seen him in 15 years. Its a big step for him to actually go, but I think it is definately more for his mom than himself. I went to a funeral last weekend for my uncle Clyde...he died of almheizers. That disease sucks. So if grandpa meckes dies, that makes 2....and they come in threes -- so I wonder who is next...i TRULY hope not Grandpa Harlan...i would be very sad...=( although i dont know him well or have spent extreme amounts of time with him...i know i am one of his favorites (cause everyone is his favorite..but i like tha personalization aspect). He is really the closest I have had to what i would've had as a grandparent if they werent too old and preoccupied to care about me.
i would really like a monthly girls night. We will have to figure out a consistent day that works well for most people most of the time...like first saturday of the month...i think that will really help to not feel so lost sometimes with everyone...and disconnected. And honestly I need a break from being in this house all the time and who better than with my girlfriends!
well i have a list a mile long and the pillow is calling my name!
love you all
chrissi
I went back to Peoria a couple weeks ago to do some photo shoots with a couple of my girlfriends. i realize that i am somewhat unprepared when it comes to doing "natural lighting" with certain backdrops. I would much rather have full control...and there is a way to have a pretty good setup that doesnt require hauling an entire studio lighting set...it is just getting to the point where I can afford to buy it all. One day!
I think that Nat enjoys being here. He doesnt complain about anything...which is unlike him anyway. Its weird, for as much time as we spend in the same house together...i still feel like i never see him.
We are driving to Pennsylvania this weekend to hopefully say his last goodbyes to his grandpa (moms dad) before he passes on. Nat hasnt seen him in 15 years. Its a big step for him to actually go, but I think it is definately more for his mom than himself. I went to a funeral last weekend for my uncle Clyde...he died of almheizers. That disease sucks. So if grandpa meckes dies, that makes 2....and they come in threes -- so I wonder who is next...i TRULY hope not Grandpa Harlan...i would be very sad...=( although i dont know him well or have spent extreme amounts of time with him...i know i am one of his favorites (cause everyone is his favorite..but i like tha personalization aspect). He is really the closest I have had to what i would've had as a grandparent if they werent too old and preoccupied to care about me.
i would really like a monthly girls night. We will have to figure out a consistent day that works well for most people most of the time...like first saturday of the month...i think that will really help to not feel so lost sometimes with everyone...and disconnected. And honestly I need a break from being in this house all the time and who better than with my girlfriends!
well i have a list a mile long and the pillow is calling my name!
love you all
chrissi
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Final day
So it is my final day here at Peoria Journal Star and I will be SO GLAD when this last hour has finally past. On Monday I had a mammagram done (necessary for a surgery I am considering), and tomorrow I go back for them to check a couple spots, basically the squeezing didnt squeeze enough and they are just double checking to make sure everything is ok. It isnt even phasing me, its pointless to cause I cant do anything to change it if it was something more serious. I need to check on my health insurance and make sure that I can switch to doctors in Ohio. its weird because Nat is technically working in Illinois. Accenture, his company, is very supportive of his move and even trying to get him a job based in Cincinnati. There was one posted at P&G but I am not sure what it is for.
Tomorrow I am taking off work, so today is technically my last day. I am so tired and wore out that I may need to sleep in for a LONG time once we get to Cincinnati. This move has been such an emotional rollercoaster and I am wore out from all the stress and work and worry. I will be so glad when at least the moving part is over...then there is finding a job..and settling in--then eventually having to move again...but at least its a year out (at least).
My wrist have been killing me today. They are burning and hot...I think I have the beginning onsets of carpal tunnel...or some kind of wrist problem. it sucks...cause i will have to work on a computer the rest of my life...and its only going to get worse. I need one of those keyboards like Nat has...origami or something =)
I dropped my car off this morning to the dealer to get some maintanence done so I had to get a shuttle to drop me off at work...i really hope that they get here by 4:30 so I can leave asap. I am supposed to go to Pumpkin Festival tonight to see Sandy for the last time (till I return) and also need to wash the dogs, finish up some last minute packing up and figure out where we are going to sleep on Friday night (because the mattress will be in the uhaul)...
I have been so bored at work for the last couple weeks that it has made this process DRAG on even more...if feels like its been MONTHS and its only been DAYS...
I went back to OB dr on tuesday to check my ovaries again (remember I had busted cyst a month of so ago--it is still bothering me, but the pain has migrated a little north). They did the transvaginal sonogram and she said everything looked fine and the doctor is supposed to call me with more details results....i heard nothing yet....ugh
28 minutes!!! its TORTURE!!!!
all well...everything is cleaned out and I am ready to get outta here.
I need to make a Margaritas Date with kati bird...that is definately something I am looking forward to.
oh funny thing...
Nat and I move on Saturday, Sunday we unpack, Monday he sets up his office and tues, wed and thurs nights the CARDINALS are playing CINCINNATI....i have a HAPPY HUSBAND....cause now instead of driving 3 hours to see them play, he only has to drive 30 minutes....although I am sure we can manage one STL trip in there (jsut as long as they ARE NOT playing the reds!)
15 minutes!!! COME ON ALREADY!!!
well i will see you all in a couple days!!! come help on sunday..1pm (after church) we will order pizza and have some lifting fun!! Please....
=) love you all!
Mrs.P
Tomorrow I am taking off work, so today is technically my last day. I am so tired and wore out that I may need to sleep in for a LONG time once we get to Cincinnati. This move has been such an emotional rollercoaster and I am wore out from all the stress and work and worry. I will be so glad when at least the moving part is over...then there is finding a job..and settling in--then eventually having to move again...but at least its a year out (at least).
My wrist have been killing me today. They are burning and hot...I think I have the beginning onsets of carpal tunnel...or some kind of wrist problem. it sucks...cause i will have to work on a computer the rest of my life...and its only going to get worse. I need one of those keyboards like Nat has...origami or something =)
I dropped my car off this morning to the dealer to get some maintanence done so I had to get a shuttle to drop me off at work...i really hope that they get here by 4:30 so I can leave asap. I am supposed to go to Pumpkin Festival tonight to see Sandy for the last time (till I return) and also need to wash the dogs, finish up some last minute packing up and figure out where we are going to sleep on Friday night (because the mattress will be in the uhaul)...
I have been so bored at work for the last couple weeks that it has made this process DRAG on even more...if feels like its been MONTHS and its only been DAYS...
I went back to OB dr on tuesday to check my ovaries again (remember I had busted cyst a month of so ago--it is still bothering me, but the pain has migrated a little north). They did the transvaginal sonogram and she said everything looked fine and the doctor is supposed to call me with more details results....i heard nothing yet....ugh
28 minutes!!! its TORTURE!!!!
all well...everything is cleaned out and I am ready to get outta here.
I need to make a Margaritas Date with kati bird...that is definately something I am looking forward to.
oh funny thing...
Nat and I move on Saturday, Sunday we unpack, Monday he sets up his office and tues, wed and thurs nights the CARDINALS are playing CINCINNATI....i have a HAPPY HUSBAND....cause now instead of driving 3 hours to see them play, he only has to drive 30 minutes....although I am sure we can manage one STL trip in there (jsut as long as they ARE NOT playing the reds!)
15 minutes!!! COME ON ALREADY!!!
well i will see you all in a couple days!!! come help on sunday..1pm (after church) we will order pizza and have some lifting fun!! Please....
=) love you all!
Mrs.P
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
waiting....SUCKS!
So we made a decision to move, in less than a week we had all the kinks ironed out...now is the waiting..it sucks. I do not want to work anymore, because my head is somewhere TOTALLY and definately NOT HERE! I am tired..I am stressed out...and yesterday I thought we had SO much to do, but in fact, we are really ahead of schedule. That makes the waiting even more difficult. We could seriously move this weekend if we had the truck to move it. We have everything packed, and if its not packed, its because we are still using it. It wont take long to load and leave....get a couple boys over there and we are good to go....and yet we still have to wait....and being tired doesnt help!
less than two weeks...10 days actually...its unbelievable.
and i am tired!
less than two weeks...10 days actually...its unbelievable.
and i am tired!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Its Official!!!
So we are officially moving to Cincinnati. We need to be out of our house by the 15th...of september!! So we will be packing and getting a u-haul and be moved into cheryl's house by then. My last day here at the Journal Star is September 12th. We will be renting out the house to a couple for a year that is building a new house in the spring, but sold their old house. So that is awesome for us because we have someone pay our mortgage so we can move, and when we sell next year we wont have to worry about the capital gain and will have way more equity in it to invest into new house. I am seriously dumbfounded about how seamless and quick this has been. We decided LESS than 2 weeks ago. It is a slight burden off my shoulders, but it will be alot better once I get to there and can settle in a bit.
As far as my job, I am thinking I will probably go in and talk to Mesh and give them my application and start there October 1. I dont anticipate having an issue, plus I know there is money to be made, especially during the holidays. I also talked to the photographer here in Peoria and he is going to give me some mentoring to help me get started there--and maybe we can come up with some other arrangements for me to do some weddings on the side...most likely the more long-distance ones...who knows! I am pretty flexible right now and I life like that. It will be interesting to see if I like serving again, or if i would prefer the more 9-5 gig (although now I dont care so much for it). It will also test my marriage because Nat will be working days, and me nights and weekends (most likely) and I will have to sacrifice some quality time with him till i figure some things out. But as long as I am bringing in some money, I dont think he will mind.
I am very excited to see everyone this weekend. Especially Abbi, since I havent seen her in over 2 years...girl! that is way too long! I think Abbi really needs some friend love!
Of course Nats family is very shocked and scared and disappointed. But I seriously agree with Nat that this is a good move for us in a lot of ways. We will have to live with Cheryl for more than a year, but we will see how that pans out. It will take some adjusting, but I think it will be awesome! nat has plans for remodeling, etc..
Thats all i know for now....and I am still trying to adjust and get things done...it is going to be a BUSY, STRESSFUl couple weeks!!
love you all
Mrs. P
As far as my job, I am thinking I will probably go in and talk to Mesh and give them my application and start there October 1. I dont anticipate having an issue, plus I know there is money to be made, especially during the holidays. I also talked to the photographer here in Peoria and he is going to give me some mentoring to help me get started there--and maybe we can come up with some other arrangements for me to do some weddings on the side...most likely the more long-distance ones...who knows! I am pretty flexible right now and I life like that. It will be interesting to see if I like serving again, or if i would prefer the more 9-5 gig (although now I dont care so much for it). It will also test my marriage because Nat will be working days, and me nights and weekends (most likely) and I will have to sacrifice some quality time with him till i figure some things out. But as long as I am bringing in some money, I dont think he will mind.
I am very excited to see everyone this weekend. Especially Abbi, since I havent seen her in over 2 years...girl! that is way too long! I think Abbi really needs some friend love!
Of course Nats family is very shocked and scared and disappointed. But I seriously agree with Nat that this is a good move for us in a lot of ways. We will have to live with Cheryl for more than a year, but we will see how that pans out. It will take some adjusting, but I think it will be awesome! nat has plans for remodeling, etc..
Thats all i know for now....and I am still trying to adjust and get things done...it is going to be a BUSY, STRESSFUl couple weeks!!
love you all
Mrs. P
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
my hubby loves me
nat sent this to me a while back and i printed it out, hung it on my wall and it is also my desktop image...apparently it really meant a lot!! he may not do things like this very often, but when he does...he does it PERFECT!
nat sent this to me a while back and i printed it out, hung it on my wall and it is also my desktop image...apparently it really meant a lot!! he may not do things like this very often, but when he does...he does it PERFECT!
nat sent this to me a while back and i printed it out, hung it on my wall and it is also my desktop image...apparently it really meant a lot!! he may not do things like this very often, but when he does...he does it PERFECT!
Friday, August 22, 2008
what you have all been waiting for.....
It all started on sunday on the ride home. I did not say anything to prompt the conversation, somehow it just happened. We talked about it thoroughly and Nat had pretty much already made up his mind. On Monday, Nat searched around and made initiative to talk to several people, on Tuesday he talked to his boss at work about figuring out how it would work, and basically because they love him, everything was approved DEFINATELY by thursday.
Basically Nat and I have decided to move to Cincinnati.
Nat will keep his current job for now and just work from home (whereever that may be, whether in Peoria or Cincinnati). He can start doing that as early as September 1. He is so excited about it, and so am i. He is eager for the change and expecting the best. Apparently he saw while we were there over the weekend that I seemed like a different person, his word was "lively" and he likes me like that. He finally met someone that was in his field that could help him navigate the job market (although he will be staying at his current job, it will help in the long run). I think he finally could see himself there, not just for me, but for him.
We both agree that now is the time to move and this is the best scenerio. There is no rush to find a new job and move (for him), he can stay here until everything is a green light here. He doesn't have to start a new job and rush into moving and being stressed about starting fresh, but will continue doing what he loves and since he will be working from home, we dont have to try to figure out how to get him a more reliable vehicle. We will move in with Cheryl for the time being and he has plans to help her renovate her house (we will see...).
I, of course, will have to find a new job, and i am debating on what i really want to do. Get back into a 9-5 career or branch out and start the business. I had a meeting with a photographer here in Peoria yesterday as we discussed my future in his company, I am hoping to still have a chance to work with him, just to build up my confidence and skill level before/if I decide to go out on my own. That is really the part that is bittersweet. I have this amazing oppurtunity in front of me to get into my field and to grow in my experience and abililties. It sorta sucks to have to not take it as fully as i thought, but still hoping that I can get enough life lessons under my belt and a friend co-photographer to help me get started when I get to Cincinnati (so I can drag Cheryl and Cindy around as my second cameras!). We will have to see how that goes. I am excited however to get out of my current job, as much as a cake job it is...its not fulfilling or challenging anymore. I am OF COURSE THRILLED to be coming home to my family and friends and rejoining in our life journey. I am so excited for you all to really get to know Nat and love him (if only because he loves me!! cant you see how much now!???!?!) I think I will be more comfortable and less terrified of starting to build our family and have kids, knowing I have such an incredible support system in driving distance! There are so many pros to this scenario, the timing, the way it all came about. And as excited as I am, I think Nat is MORE excited!
It has been an overwhelming week...thinking about, waiting for definate answers, trying to keep my head level and stay in reality, but everything has fallen into place seamlessly and without a hitch. But it is only the first step. The biggest dilemna we have is selling the house. We still need to do some final retouching and finish work. I need to clean it really good and take pictures to post. We need to find out about the capital gain crap and decide if we want to sell or rent it out. Although the move seems to be inevitable, the when aspect is all contingent on selling the house. So in that area is where we need the prayers...that someone will come along as they did in Tremont and sell it quickly and for what we need to get out of it.
As soon as we sell the house, the sooner we will be there. If it takes a year to sell, it will be a year...and I am not sure I can really wait that long. I am surprizingly very grounded even though it could take that long, I am of course in much anticipation, but seeing how it has been up to this point, I have no doubt that it is what we are supposed to do and everything else will fall into place as well.
We have already told Ken and Vanessa but will be telling Hope and Steve tonight. I am not sure how she will take it. Ken and Vanessa are quasi-supportive, of course they dont want to see us go. I know it will break Hopes heart because she so wants to be around her kids. I really do believe that this is the best thing for both of us, Nat and me. I will be excited to see how we grow as a couple and become more in love through this. We have already been through so much, I seriously doubt anything will weaken us at this point, but only make us stronger and better!
So there is the news. it is exciting , scary, fantastic and adventerous and although it is pretty much definate, it is still contingent on selling the house....so dust off your prayers and get to it!
LOVE YOU ALL!!! SEE YOU (more often) VERY SOON!!
Mrs. P
Basically Nat and I have decided to move to Cincinnati.
Nat will keep his current job for now and just work from home (whereever that may be, whether in Peoria or Cincinnati). He can start doing that as early as September 1. He is so excited about it, and so am i. He is eager for the change and expecting the best. Apparently he saw while we were there over the weekend that I seemed like a different person, his word was "lively" and he likes me like that. He finally met someone that was in his field that could help him navigate the job market (although he will be staying at his current job, it will help in the long run). I think he finally could see himself there, not just for me, but for him.
We both agree that now is the time to move and this is the best scenerio. There is no rush to find a new job and move (for him), he can stay here until everything is a green light here. He doesn't have to start a new job and rush into moving and being stressed about starting fresh, but will continue doing what he loves and since he will be working from home, we dont have to try to figure out how to get him a more reliable vehicle. We will move in with Cheryl for the time being and he has plans to help her renovate her house (we will see...).
I, of course, will have to find a new job, and i am debating on what i really want to do. Get back into a 9-5 career or branch out and start the business. I had a meeting with a photographer here in Peoria yesterday as we discussed my future in his company, I am hoping to still have a chance to work with him, just to build up my confidence and skill level before/if I decide to go out on my own. That is really the part that is bittersweet. I have this amazing oppurtunity in front of me to get into my field and to grow in my experience and abililties. It sorta sucks to have to not take it as fully as i thought, but still hoping that I can get enough life lessons under my belt and a friend co-photographer to help me get started when I get to Cincinnati (so I can drag Cheryl and Cindy around as my second cameras!). We will have to see how that goes. I am excited however to get out of my current job, as much as a cake job it is...its not fulfilling or challenging anymore. I am OF COURSE THRILLED to be coming home to my family and friends and rejoining in our life journey. I am so excited for you all to really get to know Nat and love him (if only because he loves me!! cant you see how much now!???!?!) I think I will be more comfortable and less terrified of starting to build our family and have kids, knowing I have such an incredible support system in driving distance! There are so many pros to this scenario, the timing, the way it all came about. And as excited as I am, I think Nat is MORE excited!
It has been an overwhelming week...thinking about, waiting for definate answers, trying to keep my head level and stay in reality, but everything has fallen into place seamlessly and without a hitch. But it is only the first step. The biggest dilemna we have is selling the house. We still need to do some final retouching and finish work. I need to clean it really good and take pictures to post. We need to find out about the capital gain crap and decide if we want to sell or rent it out. Although the move seems to be inevitable, the when aspect is all contingent on selling the house. So in that area is where we need the prayers...that someone will come along as they did in Tremont and sell it quickly and for what we need to get out of it.
As soon as we sell the house, the sooner we will be there. If it takes a year to sell, it will be a year...and I am not sure I can really wait that long. I am surprizingly very grounded even though it could take that long, I am of course in much anticipation, but seeing how it has been up to this point, I have no doubt that it is what we are supposed to do and everything else will fall into place as well.
We have already told Ken and Vanessa but will be telling Hope and Steve tonight. I am not sure how she will take it. Ken and Vanessa are quasi-supportive, of course they dont want to see us go. I know it will break Hopes heart because she so wants to be around her kids. I really do believe that this is the best thing for both of us, Nat and me. I will be excited to see how we grow as a couple and become more in love through this. We have already been through so much, I seriously doubt anything will weaken us at this point, but only make us stronger and better!
So there is the news. it is exciting , scary, fantastic and adventerous and although it is pretty much definate, it is still contingent on selling the house....so dust off your prayers and get to it!
LOVE YOU ALL!!! SEE YOU (more often) VERY SOON!!
Mrs. P
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Don't get TOO excited ....YET
So it has been killing me to try to keep from writing this post until everything was settled and a firm decision was made. My husband is wonderful!
There are still alot of loopholes, and delays to look forward to, but up to this point things have been running very smoothly. Just keep the prayer lines open because it has worked wonders up to this point.
I thought i was going to write this blog with the sharing of our news, but I am tired and I think I will wait for tomorrow! hahahah
So you will just have to wait...but trust me...you will LOVE IT!!
There are still alot of loopholes, and delays to look forward to, but up to this point things have been running very smoothly. Just keep the prayer lines open because it has worked wonders up to this point.
I thought i was going to write this blog with the sharing of our news, but I am tired and I think I will wait for tomorrow! hahahah
So you will just have to wait...but trust me...you will LOVE IT!!
just the best of the best....
it can only get better!!!
I AM SO EXCITED! I JUST CANT HIDE IT! I AM GOING TO LOSE CONTROL AND I THINK I LIKE IT!!!
one thing down, several more roadbumps to go....
did i mention how FABULOUS my husband is?
I AM SO EXCITED! I JUST CANT HIDE IT! I AM GOING TO LOSE CONTROL AND I THINK I LIKE IT!!!
one thing down, several more roadbumps to go....
did i mention how FABULOUS my husband is?
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
bittersweet
So i have a tough situation that I am going through. I need all the prayers you can muster up. I am someone that is pretty good with change, but that doesnt necessarily make it easy. I think the next couple months will be scary and sad and exciting and adventerous! I am finally going to start venturing into a new (yet old) profession. I will take on the experience with excitement and a little bittersweetness. It is something that i have longed to do for quite a while and now I finally get to try my hand at it, but I know it will be short-lived. But regardless what the future holds, I have to take this moment and learn and grow in it....because ultimately it will make me stronger person, and give me experience that will make me better in my chosen profession. TImes are tough...my company (the cake job) is basically going bankrupt -- and currently it doesnt scare me, cause frankly I dont think i will be there long enough to see it. Change is always scary..you come to a place that you have to start over and rebuild from almost scratch, then it always seems like when you finally have your feet knee-deep in the gunk..something happens and you get ripped out and have to start over all over again. Starting over isnt always bad, sometimes it is exactly what you want, takes you exactly where you want to be...but still isnt easy to do. Sometimes i feel like it would be easier to go back to high school and have no worries and not have to make big lofty life-changing decisions...but as i said..change isnt always bad, and honestly it rarely ever is. i am lucky to have such a wonderful, loving, supportive husband. My heart truly desires that you there could see him as i see him...see how much he loves and adores me and basically do anything in his power to make me happy. my heart is thrilled to have someone in my life that can see me--know me--and still love me despite myself.
Life is heart-breaking sometimes. People come in and out of your life for reasons you can only see in hinds sight. I have been lucky to keep most of those amazing people fairly close by. I am thankful for those friends that tell me how it is or how they think they see it because they love me and want the best for me. it is much harder to be on the other end of that spectrum...not knowing how to react, not knowing what to say --and having no control over making the pain go away. It breaks my heart to see people hurting...and it sucks even more when there is nothing I can do to make it better. I guess that is a ting of peace-maker in me.
I am asking that you pray..because if I believe in anything, it is the power of prayer. I want you to pray that everything will fall into place. That this new transition will be seamless and leave no doubt of it being the correct path. I want you to pray that I have wisdom in my decisions and that i could have the words to help and heal. Pray that the doors will open wide, that no one gets hurt in the process and that I could regain some sort of vision for my life, my purpose, my career, my love, and that I will truly find something that makes me happy.
I know I am talking in circles...but you can trust me.....
Life is heart-breaking sometimes. People come in and out of your life for reasons you can only see in hinds sight. I have been lucky to keep most of those amazing people fairly close by. I am thankful for those friends that tell me how it is or how they think they see it because they love me and want the best for me. it is much harder to be on the other end of that spectrum...not knowing how to react, not knowing what to say --and having no control over making the pain go away. It breaks my heart to see people hurting...and it sucks even more when there is nothing I can do to make it better. I guess that is a ting of peace-maker in me.
I am asking that you pray..because if I believe in anything, it is the power of prayer. I want you to pray that everything will fall into place. That this new transition will be seamless and leave no doubt of it being the correct path. I want you to pray that I have wisdom in my decisions and that i could have the words to help and heal. Pray that the doors will open wide, that no one gets hurt in the process and that I could regain some sort of vision for my life, my purpose, my career, my love, and that I will truly find something that makes me happy.
I know I am talking in circles...but you can trust me.....
Monday, August 18, 2008
i am here....
So i really wanted to write on thursday last week, but in order to get friday off i had to make sure all my work was done...and the work just never stopped coming in...so sorry to that one person that stayed up all night with her insomnia and blamed me for it!
I really have a LOT on my mind today. There has been alot of things that have happened, with family and friends and even decisions that need to be made. I am not sure what is going to happen...and frankly i am scared, uneasy and excited! This weekend has been a whirlwind of emotional uneasiness, hopeful thoughts and just not having words to say, knowing what to do or having sound and wise advice to give.
Its funny that life gets to a point that you climb above the pile of chaos and for a glimpse can see the horizon and stand on top with the wind in your hair...then all of a sudden, out of no where, with no warning, you loose your footing and end up on your back looking back up the towering pile of chaos..wondering to yourself if you will ever regain the strength to climb up it again...but i remember the view on top...surreal!
We really have a habit on our group of friends to share thoughts and feeling with metaphors that people may or may not understand. I find it humorous.
I must say that the game was AWESOME!!! It was so nice to hang out with a group of people that you can truly be yourself around and talk to and just be with. I really do miss it. I know it wouldnt be like it is when i come for the weekend if I would ever move back...but there is just something about being close enough to people that you care about. I truly do have the most amazing people in my life. There is just not enough time in a weekend to feel like I have had quality time with everyone...most of the time on my ride home I think about who i may have not talked to enough..or wishing I had more time.
I am feeling more grounded here in Peoria. I have one good friend and some open door oppurtunities that have get to flourish. My job is cake and I enjoy it---i am basically a clip art queen....but i am good at what I do, which gives me some satisfaction. I am pretty content. I think I have learned to not hold on so tightly to my comfort zone and let it go. For the first couple years I was so focused on what I was missing out on in Cincinnati and waiting to get out of here that I didnt try as hard as i could have. I really feel like I have stepped out and made an effort here....and I am really proud of myself. Now I feel like I can conquer the world no matter where I am.
(this is for sarah craynon) I have liked chocolate most of my life. Chocolate has been really good, but there was a point where chocolate just wasnt enough anymore. I really want to try something different, so I sampled some dark chocolate, and that is nasty, and white chocolate is ok, but nothing quite compares to milk chocolate. Then someone introduced me to caramel...and I fell in love with it. it was so creamy and delicious. I wanted to eat caramel all the time and I really thought I had passed over the chocolate addiction until once in a while i wanted chocolate. Then I thought, what if I can mix chocolate with caramel, that would be the ultimate satisfaction! It would work in theory, but I didnt have the resources to make that happen. So I continued to really grow to love and adore caramel alone, and made it a point to eat chocolate as much as i could. Now, although I really love chocolate, I tend to eat more and more caramel, and honestly I dont mind it...it is tasting almost as good as chocolate. Chocolate will always have a place in my heart, and if I could put caramel and chocolate together, I would be a happy happy girl...even though I like them just the same seperately. But I see a glimpse in the future, and a promising hope that my desire will come -- and if everything works out then chocolate and caramel can always be together....I can have the best of both worlds!! so maybe, just maybe, one day it will happen! (hahahhahahaha -- love your metaphors, had to play along!)
thats it for now...i need to get some work done...
Mrs. P
I really have a LOT on my mind today. There has been alot of things that have happened, with family and friends and even decisions that need to be made. I am not sure what is going to happen...and frankly i am scared, uneasy and excited! This weekend has been a whirlwind of emotional uneasiness, hopeful thoughts and just not having words to say, knowing what to do or having sound and wise advice to give.
Its funny that life gets to a point that you climb above the pile of chaos and for a glimpse can see the horizon and stand on top with the wind in your hair...then all of a sudden, out of no where, with no warning, you loose your footing and end up on your back looking back up the towering pile of chaos..wondering to yourself if you will ever regain the strength to climb up it again...but i remember the view on top...surreal!
We really have a habit on our group of friends to share thoughts and feeling with metaphors that people may or may not understand. I find it humorous.
I must say that the game was AWESOME!!! It was so nice to hang out with a group of people that you can truly be yourself around and talk to and just be with. I really do miss it. I know it wouldnt be like it is when i come for the weekend if I would ever move back...but there is just something about being close enough to people that you care about. I truly do have the most amazing people in my life. There is just not enough time in a weekend to feel like I have had quality time with everyone...most of the time on my ride home I think about who i may have not talked to enough..or wishing I had more time.
I am feeling more grounded here in Peoria. I have one good friend and some open door oppurtunities that have get to flourish. My job is cake and I enjoy it---i am basically a clip art queen....but i am good at what I do, which gives me some satisfaction. I am pretty content. I think I have learned to not hold on so tightly to my comfort zone and let it go. For the first couple years I was so focused on what I was missing out on in Cincinnati and waiting to get out of here that I didnt try as hard as i could have. I really feel like I have stepped out and made an effort here....and I am really proud of myself. Now I feel like I can conquer the world no matter where I am.
(this is for sarah craynon) I have liked chocolate most of my life. Chocolate has been really good, but there was a point where chocolate just wasnt enough anymore. I really want to try something different, so I sampled some dark chocolate, and that is nasty, and white chocolate is ok, but nothing quite compares to milk chocolate. Then someone introduced me to caramel...and I fell in love with it. it was so creamy and delicious. I wanted to eat caramel all the time and I really thought I had passed over the chocolate addiction until once in a while i wanted chocolate. Then I thought, what if I can mix chocolate with caramel, that would be the ultimate satisfaction! It would work in theory, but I didnt have the resources to make that happen. So I continued to really grow to love and adore caramel alone, and made it a point to eat chocolate as much as i could. Now, although I really love chocolate, I tend to eat more and more caramel, and honestly I dont mind it...it is tasting almost as good as chocolate. Chocolate will always have a place in my heart, and if I could put caramel and chocolate together, I would be a happy happy girl...even though I like them just the same seperately. But I see a glimpse in the future, and a promising hope that my desire will come -- and if everything works out then chocolate and caramel can always be together....I can have the best of both worlds!! so maybe, just maybe, one day it will happen! (hahahhahahaha -- love your metaphors, had to play along!)
thats it for now...i need to get some work done...
Mrs. P
Thursday, August 14, 2008
i will i promise
I am SO in the mood to blog today, and i need to and i will....just give me a minute! I am actually kind of busy at work...shocking i know!
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