daddy

Carol posted about dad and letting go. The post made me sad, but didnt make me cry. Is there something wrong with me? I am sad, but i think that i had come to terms with it a while ago. I feel like i have gained much from him. I have spent the most time with him, but in a different way. I think more that i feel guilty that i took it for granted for so long, but to spend time with dad is work, literally. I dont think i am resentful because much of what i know and who i am is credited to him. I am sort of at a loss at how i should feel. if i say i am not sad, then i am evil, if i say i am, maybe i am lying. honestly, i dont think i would give his lack of health a second thought until mom and cheryl and carol bring it up. I love my daddy, and of course there are many things i want him to do and experience in my life, but i think in order to not let it get to me, i have to come to terms with that fact that he might not get to experience those things here. I agree with Carol, I want him to be happy, i want him to be able to take a deep breath and build as many fences as his hearts content. That I think is more of a comfort to me than him being miserable. Life will take its course, and death with it.