I am ALIve

I seem to always start my blog with an apology because I haven’t written in so long…so here goes, sorry. When I take so long to blog, then I find that I don’t have much to talk about even though I do.
Mainly I have been pretty depressed. Cant quite put my finger on it. I guess it is a cumulation of stress and boredom and frustration. I was very close to coming home, then realized that it wasn’t the right decision, even though it is definitely the easiest. I hope this is not one of those situations in which good friends become enemies because of living together. I am a pretty giving person, but if someone takes and takes I will rebel and not give anything at all. Part of being independent in your own right is not having to rely on people. I am stressed out because the independent streak in me is rebelling against having to rely on Kristin for a job. Apparently I start on the 18th, but do I really? After so many unfulfilled promises it is really hard to trust someones word. We will see on Monday. The thing that is great is that she is working with my schedule with Patrick so that I can work both jobs. I would not want to leave Patrick because he has been so good to me, seriously, if it wasn’t for that job, I would be utterly screwed. I am taking small steps towards being successful. Some of them are very scary because I don’t know if I am “good enough” even though there is a part of me that is somewhat cocky about being the best. How will I ever learn if I never take the steps towards it.
So today I posted on Craigs List (for those that still have no idea what I am talking about when I say that…go to www,craigslist.com and you will understand what I am talking about). I posted for anyone that needed a photographer. And I also looked through and contacted those that had posted saying they wanted/needed a photographer. I have been sitting at starbucks for almost 5 hours working on my website and I felt like I have got no where. Its frustrating. I am working on 3 websites right now. I have the vision in my head for 2 of them, but am having a hard time executing the design I want according to my high standards. Once it is done I will be sure to send you all a link. To both or all of them. I really do hope that we start work with Kristin on the 18th, that will really help pay my bills. I am looking into getting credit for my skymiles from Israel so I can have a free ticket, my problem is that I don’t know my skymiles number and that the number to call is always busy. Ill get it done eventually.
Ill write more later….going to movie with nessa and joel.
Love you all!!
c.ALIce