move?

i finally finished my website. when it is online i will be sure to let you know and if you find time in your busy schedule you can check it out. went out tonight with some friends for trinas birthday.Encore is opening an new restaurant in Naples Florida this year and i am debating going there. it is closer to home, something i like to do and i could do pretty much what i am doing here as far as the photography stuff goes, plus levi is only an hour away and i could work with his company (they need photographers) we will see how it goes. there are no guarentees in life i am realizing, and do not rely on others to for your wellbeing. they will only let you down. i feel so torn. stay or go...am i giving it enough time oram i basing my decisions on being homesick and missing everyone. i can concoct so many ideas in my head and sometimes that drives me more crazy than actually doing what i am doing now. so tonight kristin (the one that has promised me a job since i got here) was telling me about another job op that may or may not start in either august or december. its basically a casting manager. she talks me up so much to everyone, she thinks i am so cool and put together (oh if she only knew i am a mess). its potential for very good pay. high stress though. i didnt get around to contacting photographers today because i finished the website, sent out pics to be printed, and am working on a "business cd" which is basically an autorun powerpoint presentation with my portfolio on it. i got some more contacts today though. a girl that needs headshots (like everyone in
LA) and a guy that holds photoshoots with playboy models, to assist without pay. weird people i meet...all connected in this amazing group of friends i happened to land in. i debate going to florida because somehow i feel like i am running back into my comfort zone and at other times i feel like its a good decision. its like my heart breaks with every decision i have to
make...cant someone just tell me what to do, who to be and where to go. does anyone else go through this? people seem like they have it all together and they really dont...no one really knows what they want to do. i have too much time on my hands. i am starting to go crazy. i am working with this catering company on saturday, i have to leave the apartment by 6:30 am (to me that is early) and work till 5pm. kind of sucks, but a girl has got to pay her bills yaknow. sucks being
responsible. sunday we are going to the beach, i am looking forward to playing some volleyball and hanging out with everyone. they are fun.
i learning that it doesnt really matter where you are, you can accomplish anything from whereever you are, but that home is where love is and finding what makes you happy, not what just pays your bills is the search of life. i dont want to live to work, i want to live it out, and you all know that, if i have to move 6 times in one year in order to find it, i will. that is not not giving it a try, that is being observant of my environment and realizing what i will live with and live without. i can live without traffic, i can live without people that pretend they want to be your friend but never call. i can live without making lots of money and living in an big house. i cannot live without freedom, whether in job or spirit. i cannot live without friends and family. i cannot live without encouragement around me that supports whatever crazy decision i decide to make. cause i will make some crazy ones, ya;ll just have to live vicariously through me and just always love me despite, and thats why i love you all, cause you are like that! thank you for not trying to rule my life and allowing me to be me.
i definately dont regret this move. but everyone says give it a year and to not let people tell you what to do...so am i cutting myself short if i dont give it a year? no...i am just not letting people tell me what to do with my life. i am on a search, and i am not about to waste my time waiting around for it to get better...when you get there you will know its where are supposed to do and if its time to leave, its time to go, no matter how long its been.
love you all
c.ALIce