dreams do come true

for a really long time, my worth was found in the approval of people around me. the irony of it all was that i was labeled a "rebel" and seen as someone that didnt care what people thought. do you know how hard it is to NOT CARE at all about what people think. so i have lived for nearly 27 years, and i think i got to a point where i really dont care. on the other hand, i feel drawn to respect those that i love, and their convictions. so some decisions may seem as if they are "hypocritical" (especially if one does not know all the circumstances/thought processes) but ultimately it is my life, and i will do what i want regardless of what people think, but i also have to be sensitive to protect certain relationships.
so i have been very confused in the past. the battle between doing what i think is right, and doing what i want, especially if i felt the two clash. sometimes doing what is right and doing what i want are the same, yet sometimes i have to choose. i think one thing that has changed in my heart within the last couple months is that i am truly happy (well thats been within the last 3 weeks), and i have really reevaluated the influence of people in my life. I dont allow people to make me feel inferior or allow them to confuse me in regards to what direction i feel like i should go. I am not allowing people's expectations become a cause for me to be held back. I am not allowing what others think i should do influence what my true hearts desire may be. once i set aside what i thought others wanted me to be. when i let go of others dreams for me. once i looked into who i am and saw what i really wanted. i really saw what i wanted. it was so simple, yet the letting go was somewhat complicated. so now i am happy. i am not continually trying to impress people, i can walk into a room and realize my worth without approval. i am truly fulfilling my hearts desires, or at least exploring what they are in a new light. I really dont think that i have ever been happier. more content, more at peace or felt more secure in my life. i am obtaining my dream life. simple, full of love, limited stress, companionship...I STILL REALLY LIKE HIM!!! yesterday i traded my car in for a Jetta, it was a really good deal. its white with a sunroof, its beautiful. it was just one more thing to make me see how much my dreams are coming true (since i have wanted one since before i could drive). I have someone in my life that I never thought i would ever have. He fits with me, and i respect him. I have a job that fits all my talents within the service industry (keeps burn out to a minimum). I am more focused on things that i like to do, and opening up to change and living at a different pace and with a different purpose in life.
there really is a freedom when you dont live to appease people. i am not fighting with God because i dont care if i maintain a rebellious image. because i dont care to impress people, i am more open to revealing my true self and my true desires. i dont stand back and wish i could (always worrying in my head what people will think), and not doing it, but just doing it. I am tending to live a more honorable life because i am not trying to prove a particular image to anyone. My worth or success is not based on what society, or anything else, but based on how my God views me. There is such freedom in only having to be approved by one, and the fact that HE took all the steps in order to make me approved...i simply had to decide to be approved. I think i am happy now because i am not fighting anymore. I am not trying to control life, i am simply allowing life to be lived. Freedom. My ultimate dream being fulfilled.
c.ALIce