what to do what to do

so i have some decisions to make...my parents are moving to kentucky, which is an option. my sister and i are considering to buy a house, yet another option. i can move to various places all over the world and start afresh, where oh where do i want to go? i have come to believe that there are no wrong or right answers, i mean, yes there is right and wrong, but in my life all the paths seem good and right to a certain degree. in order to figure out where i want to go, i have to decide what i want to do. i am good at many things, i am multi-talented but mediocre in them. i feel like i need to be the best and the exceptional to make a difference.
i feel like i need a fresh slate to reinvent myself. i have been in the same rut for years. i have my ups and downs, but most of the time i feel clueless. there are things in my life that i have been meaning to do for years, and just procrasinated them to no avail. i just want to go somewhere where no one knows me, and no one has certain requirements on my behavior and where no one is looking. at times i feel the motives are ungodly, its easier to act out when there is no accountability, and other times i feel my motives are pure and just a chance to get reconnected without feeling like people i have known for years will see it as being out of character. i know they would be supportive, but still...i'd rather them not watch.
i have so many friends in cincinnati, but now is the time to go and experience something else. why do i always feel like i need to run somewhere else? am i scared of being stuck somewhere. i think i dont want to lose the freedom to do what i want when i want to...maybe i need to change, maybe it has been eating at me for a while because GOD keeps telling me to move on and i just ignore it because i am so comfortable here. i am not a very good listener. i have many good ideas that can be done anywhere...why cincinnati?? How do i know what i am supposed to do...if i dont know what my purpose is and what i want to do or who i am...how can i make rash decisions, but then why not make rash decisions..i am still young. i can make friends anywhere, i can seek God anywhere...why is one place better than another...?
i get this way like once every couple months where i really want change and something new and different, and it passes away and i go on with my life, as mundane as it is, then it never fails to resurface again...
i wish i had an answer. i wish that God would just hand it to me and let me be. i wish that i just knew. i wish i didnt over-analyze everything. i wish i had more discipline. i wish i had more self control. i wish i was great at something other than mediocre at lots of things. i wish i could fly away. i wish i could teach myself anything. i wish i had more time. i wish i didnt have so much time on my hands. i wish i could just sit still. i wish i had more to do. i wish my wishes would come true.
c.ALIce