ever had one of those days where everything seems to be against you. today is definately one of those days. i started last night when my mattress was soaked with rain water from earlier in the week, so i had to sleep with my sister. didnt sleep well, then i get woke up to figure out something on ebay (which i feel is becoming my life...one day without EBAY PLEASE!!) it sucks. some guy bitched me out because i decided not to sale to him (which was through email not ebay...i am not evil). so he brings up whether or not i went to church?! what does that have anything to do with renigging? under my understanding it was NOT a confirmed order, just an offer! but still, makes me feel like crap because i gave him a false impression of my character (or maybe a true impression, which is even scarier). i hate letting people down. i think i need a vacation, wait, my entire life is a vacation! i am pathetic. why do you even care?
i always want people to see that i have it all together but i am clueless. i think i act like a hard ass all the time so people wont know all my insecurites. i am needy. i am unworthy. i am clueless. i am dis-trusting. i am weak and frail. please dont look! but i am also strong. i am secure. i am faithful. i am worthy. i am trustworthy. i am still needy! maybe everyone is. (my need: to have constant affirmation of my worth).
ok i am done!!
c.ALIce
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3 comments:
We all obviously have insecurities, I've recently been able to discover many of mine and how I conceal them... but this is how we know we are obviously all human and opposite of God. The only awesome thing about insecurities is that we can come before the father and feel completely insecure with ourselves, but at the same time, feel completely secure in him. He loves us despite our never-ending list of flaws. How could he not? he made us. But he also gave us others around us to help eachother overcome those securities and flaws (but we obviously cant overcome them without his help either).
I love you chrissi...I know we will both figure ourselves and our lives out eventually... But for now we just need to have faith that that time will come.
Insecurities are just God's way of challanging you to become a better person. Either that or the devil keeping you preoccupied and away from God.
Don't hide them...don't ignore them...confront them...obliterate them...overcome them. No one should be imprisoned inside themselves because they believe silly fears that aren't reality.
-L
I love days like that, it tests your metal, and gives a Viking King like me excuses to go ape shit all over some nit-wit for tryin' to rattle my cage. A day when it's you against the world is like a day in Valhalla. it's like ringin' the dinner bell for ass stompin' time!
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