Somewhere along the way I figured out that I would'nt have what i wanted as far as guys go because i am attracted to the wrong ones, they are incredible men of God, sweet spirited, and handsome to nearly every woman they encounter. How will I ever compete with the beauty that surrounds me, why out of the mix would they choose me. I have beautiful friends. They are the ones that get the second glance. I am pretty, i have a good amount of confidence in my cuteness (ask anyone of my friends...they will no doubtably agree i think i am cute). Still, i think as anyone struggles (unless of course they are perfect) with self image. I am not gripping, or being down on myself. I just wonder sometimes if there will ever be that person that truly loves YOU, not what you look like. Will anyone be able to look past the few extra pounds (and by GOD give some grace for change), and see the character within. i totally understand that people have different types, they are attracted to different things all together. i just wonder sometimes why God has chosen for me to be single for so long. I really dont mind, i have learned not to settle for less...it was a hard lesson. Sometimes it is nice to know that there is someone there even if they arent in a way.
I am nieve, more than most my age i think, when it comes to dating and relationships with guys in general. all my friends 'cept one, are girls. i dont have many guy friends. no real reason why that i know of...i get along with them fine. Most of the time we have more in common with them than with my girls.
I trust that God will totally prepare my husband for me (maybe that is what is taking so long!). Now, i am content. just waiting for the one to be brave enough to ask me out!! in the meantime i want to grow and I want to be everything he needs as well. i want to concentrate on Jesus, yet do you know how hard that is when you see all your friends getting married?!?!
speaking of marriage. i went to my first catholic wedding last weekend. those people know how to have LONG weddings and how to drink! of course i was the designated driver (otherwise known as drunk duty). i dont mind though. i met some really cool people. i would like to hang out with them again. it felt comfortable, they were very welcoming, i wish more christians were like bar flys! to let down some inhibitions and just make friends.
another fun aspect of my trip: one of the groomsmen was totally crushing on me! there was nothing there,but it was nice for someone to be at least interested. i am not one that really likes guessing games. i want someone to tell me straight upfront, "hey, i like you and i want to get to know you better in hopes to have a relationship and eventually get married if it so happens" guys can be so weird sometimes. i want to be won over. make your intentions clear. i guess the problem with that is when i am not interested in them. i try to make my interest clear, but there is a fine line in being too forward and scaring potentials away or being clear enough (though the previous has never really happened to me). i dont tend to want a relationship (romantic) with many people, but when i do, i try to let them know. i can understand guys reservations with girls, girls can be mean and hateful, and i am sure they can only take so much rejection in a lifetime. it would make it easier to start a relationship with someone if there wasnt so many rules or inhibition. i want to feel ok with calling a guy, without feeling like i am on his nerves. i am being a such a girl!!! i know that God will be faithful and bring someone to me that is designed for me...i think i just tend to break my heart in all the hangups. wanna know the way to my heart? just ask!
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6 comments:
You already know my thoughts on this relationship thing...God WILL bring you the guy of your dreams. You just wait- he will be so awesome.
ANd I have to correct you about something- as I recall, one guy in particular did say something about liking you or being your husband...somewhere along those lines, am I right?
-Sometimes you put on your "tough girl" front for people. Open up- show them your real heart and that's what your man will fall in love with.
I love you c alice.
I think God has a way about these things. He only gives you a relationship when you don't need one. It is important to Him that we lead healthy, productive, and satisfying lives. Only then, when you don't need a relationship to have a full life, are you ready to give your true self completely to another. Until then, our insecurities create dysfunction in our relationships. Only when you know yourself and don't need a relationship as a crutch for happiness will God send you a mate.
I hope you aren't insulted by my post, I think you are on that path. You'll know when you are ready. Until then, enjoy everything and everyone else God has put in your life...they are there for a reason.
-L
all of you are very encouraging, thanks. i am not desperate for a relationship, i am fine being single, i dont mind the waiting, it is when i have someone in mind that i get antsy and anxious, but otherwise i am fine. i am just trying to be patient and let God do what He needs to do. thanks again for the encouragement!
aww chrissi ya wee lass. i still contend that feeling of being anxious in infatuation is the best in the world! that feeling in the pit of your stomach, the knowledge that with one look, or even the idea of a look from him will send you spiraling, making your hips swerve and your lips curve..doesn't it make you feel alive? infatuation is one of those few things that does it... thank God for that.
-sA
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