no word from the WB, but i am not stressed. i think the big thing is that i dont know what i want to do. i want to get serious about something, but i feel so unqualified in so many ways, yet so talented at the same time. i appreciate all the prayers and at the same time i dont really think i know what you are praying for either. i am in a very crucial part of life right now, and truthfully i am miserable. i want to come home. i miss everyone and life of familiarity. i have changed alot though from since i left cincinnati. i am not nearly as sarcastic as i used to be, well at least not brutal as i was there. i guess i dont feel like i have to protect myself from anyone and more open to others, and hopes that they will like me.
i am sorta stressed about the job situation because i really want one, but i am being very picky because i still want to have a life here and not work myself to death. i am trying to be patient and wait for God to open doors, and there are several but none of them have started yet. i just want to be free from it all...i want to be free from having to have my life revolve around money...i want my life to revolve around people...i dunno, i am still simple..but me on a farm with a camera and internet axxess..hahah =)
well i am off, ill write more later!
love you all.
c.ALIce
Friday, June 24, 2005
i feel like i am slacking
so today i had an interview with warner brothers but after the interview i almost hope she doesnt call. its 60 hours a week at 550 before taxes. hmm, do the math, that is less that ten dollars an hour. i would feel obligated to take the job because Patrick put out the effort to get me the interview, but at the same time...do i really want to waste my life by working more nearly half of awake time so that i can say i worked at the WB? i am not sure what to do. i havent got the job yet to even turn it down, but at the same time, i dont think i want it. i am not that consumed with "the business" to waste my time. i think instead i am going to call around to some photographers and see if they need assistants...at least then i will be learning more about something i have some education and slight passion in. i didnt come out here for nothing.
this week has gone by fairly quickly, but the days are so long. i barely remember what i did. one interesting thing i did this week was go roller skating. tiffany is training to be a "derby doll" which is really violent speed skating. she got new skates in the mail and wanted to try them out, so we went to a skating rink in the valley. how fun to skate with a bunch of 5-10 year olds. i am actually pretty good at it, but not enough to want to get my ass kicked voluntarily by stressed out women with pent up aggression. nessa and i went on a walk today and to eat, then to see batman begins...its an alright movie. not a huge fan of katie holmes...no real suspense or drama. typical action flick i guess.
i talked to cheryl today which was nice because i dont talk to her nearly as much as carol and mom because of our schedules. i cant really call till after 9pm and she is usually in bed by then. it was nice to talk to her. maybe it is the homesickness setting in, but i am not sure i am so happy here. though i feel different. i am not nearly as "brutally" sarcastic, but still sarcastic. i am very much at peace here and feeling closer to my goals in one way or another. i still have a long way to go.
i have really been thinking about the TEFL thing. which is teaching english in other countries. (www.tefl.com). for some reason it keeps coming to mind. now is the perfect time to do it, though i now feel somewhat obligated to stay in los angeles (at least as a base) because of living with tiffany. i guess i can go through all the classes and see what is really available for me before i make any rash decisions. i will be here for a while, but what a great way to get paid to travel and be emerced in other cultures. we'll see what happens.
i am listening to my arabic on the way to work, i should probably make more of an effort to study languages, but in a way pointless since i dont know anyone that speaks them!!
OH YEAH..TOTALLY forgot really cool thing i did....becky, you will be impressed!! SALSA LESSONS!!! trinas salon does free salsa lessons. and there were actually boys there to dance with...they were super nice..frank, a red-headed white boy from equador, his long time buddy marsela, also from equador and geno, very tall brother, but i dont know where he is from. they all had ryhthm...very fun!!! we had margaritas and learned some basic steps and danced around. i must admit though, i have a problem with following a guys lead...geno said.."whats a matter, dont you trust me?" and i guess i didnt, but its only dancing right? there is no reason not to be relaxed and let him do all the work. regardless, they were super nice guys and i had a lot of fun learning to salsa...couple more lessons and i will have to come home and take becky dancing!!! hahah=)
everyone is away at KHO, no new stuff to read...makes for a boring day. luckily i have abbi...she is writing lots of great things and gives me some things to ponder on. i am sad for cindys mom, but i am sure she will be ok.
this weekend is pretty packed i think....friday there are two parties to go to...saturday we were supposed to go to a movie in a cemetary but it got cancelled...sunday is david bryne at hollywood bowl, which from what i hear is going to be my sunday afternoon hot spot all summer. they have outdoor concerts in a park and its really cheap. will be cool to hang out with everyone.
i have one request. i am not going to elaborate, let the spirit take over that, but please pray for a particular area of my life. i need all the help i can get. thats my request, and i know with you all i will get lots of devout prayers and petitions.
i cant think of anything else that was exciting that happened this week. keep in prayer about my job cause i do still need to pay my bills...that i will find something i dont dread and that will be sufficient for my needs.
keep writing, keep reading....stop being lazy with the comments...i write more when i know people actually read it.
oh yeah, another thing to pray for, somewhat disconnected from me. a girl at encore feilds ertel fell down some steps and died on friday...her memorial services were this week. she was young and getting ready to get married and her fiancee found her. pray for the family....its a trajic loss.
love you all
c.ALIce
ps all you KHO-ers come home and tell me all about it!!!!
this week has gone by fairly quickly, but the days are so long. i barely remember what i did. one interesting thing i did this week was go roller skating. tiffany is training to be a "derby doll" which is really violent speed skating. she got new skates in the mail and wanted to try them out, so we went to a skating rink in the valley. how fun to skate with a bunch of 5-10 year olds. i am actually pretty good at it, but not enough to want to get my ass kicked voluntarily by stressed out women with pent up aggression. nessa and i went on a walk today and to eat, then to see batman begins...its an alright movie. not a huge fan of katie holmes...no real suspense or drama. typical action flick i guess.
i talked to cheryl today which was nice because i dont talk to her nearly as much as carol and mom because of our schedules. i cant really call till after 9pm and she is usually in bed by then. it was nice to talk to her. maybe it is the homesickness setting in, but i am not sure i am so happy here. though i feel different. i am not nearly as "brutally" sarcastic, but still sarcastic. i am very much at peace here and feeling closer to my goals in one way or another. i still have a long way to go.
i have really been thinking about the TEFL thing. which is teaching english in other countries. (www.tefl.com). for some reason it keeps coming to mind. now is the perfect time to do it, though i now feel somewhat obligated to stay in los angeles (at least as a base) because of living with tiffany. i guess i can go through all the classes and see what is really available for me before i make any rash decisions. i will be here for a while, but what a great way to get paid to travel and be emerced in other cultures. we'll see what happens.
i am listening to my arabic on the way to work, i should probably make more of an effort to study languages, but in a way pointless since i dont know anyone that speaks them!!
OH YEAH..TOTALLY forgot really cool thing i did....becky, you will be impressed!! SALSA LESSONS!!! trinas salon does free salsa lessons. and there were actually boys there to dance with...they were super nice..frank, a red-headed white boy from equador, his long time buddy marsela, also from equador and geno, very tall brother, but i dont know where he is from. they all had ryhthm...very fun!!! we had margaritas and learned some basic steps and danced around. i must admit though, i have a problem with following a guys lead...geno said.."whats a matter, dont you trust me?" and i guess i didnt, but its only dancing right? there is no reason not to be relaxed and let him do all the work. regardless, they were super nice guys and i had a lot of fun learning to salsa...couple more lessons and i will have to come home and take becky dancing!!! hahah=)
everyone is away at KHO, no new stuff to read...makes for a boring day. luckily i have abbi...she is writing lots of great things and gives me some things to ponder on. i am sad for cindys mom, but i am sure she will be ok.
this weekend is pretty packed i think....friday there are two parties to go to...saturday we were supposed to go to a movie in a cemetary but it got cancelled...sunday is david bryne at hollywood bowl, which from what i hear is going to be my sunday afternoon hot spot all summer. they have outdoor concerts in a park and its really cheap. will be cool to hang out with everyone.
i have one request. i am not going to elaborate, let the spirit take over that, but please pray for a particular area of my life. i need all the help i can get. thats my request, and i know with you all i will get lots of devout prayers and petitions.
i cant think of anything else that was exciting that happened this week. keep in prayer about my job cause i do still need to pay my bills...that i will find something i dont dread and that will be sufficient for my needs.
keep writing, keep reading....stop being lazy with the comments...i write more when i know people actually read it.
oh yeah, another thing to pray for, somewhat disconnected from me. a girl at encore feilds ertel fell down some steps and died on friday...her memorial services were this week. she was young and getting ready to get married and her fiancee found her. pray for the family....its a trajic loss.
love you all
c.ALIce
ps all you KHO-ers come home and tell me all about it!!!!
Thursday, June 23, 2005
interview
today i have an interview at warner brothers. please pray for me.. i am SO nervous. its for a PA position and it is steady work. i hope i get it, i would be working on the set of gilmore girls....fun fun fun!!! i know if its supposed to be i will get a job, so i am not too stressed...but still. id like to work there, and basically have a job yaknow!!
c.ALIce
c.ALIce
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Vanessa
swis3
Originally uploaded by alycepaige.
Here is a face to a name....isnt she great!?!?! i love nessa! tiffany is soo mad cause i keep stealing her friends! HA HAH A (well stop stealing my cheetos biotch!) just kidding, i love tiff!
isnt this beautiful...
swis2
Originally uploaded by alycepaige.
the city is not too far off....its amazing once you get away from the city...so beautiful and peaceful
Monday, June 20, 2005
ouch
yesterday i went to venice beach. it was a beautiful day, no cloud in the skie, perfect breeze, not very crowded. today i feel the pain!!! the backs of my legs are burnt and its the only burnt spot that actually hurts. also the spot that hasnt had that much exposure to the sun in the first place. its cool though, ya deal for a day or so, then you have a good tan! tifffany of course warned me about the dangers of sun cancer, maybe i should consider wearing sunscreen...
i hung out with vanessa all weekend, saturday we went hiking, yesterday to the beach. we went hiking at switzer falls (pics coming soon)...we got lost and took us twice as long as it shouldve, ate, watched most of KINSEY and then went out with trina, snow, patty, amy and nessa...the meal went late and we were supposed to go dancing so we asked the waitress a good place and she told us. so we went...only had like a an hour...walked in and there were a bunch of hot guys, walked farther in, more guys...looked over and there was a guy dancing in a thong...needless to say, i expereinced my first "raunchy" gay club in the valley...i went to celebrities in dayton, been to drag bar in new york, but this was crazy. lots of first experiences in my travels. =) lol
nessa and i were talking today about church...she wants to get back into church and hadnt found anyone with similar beliefs until i came along. yeah, i think we are going to try oasis (trinas church) and mosaic (church becky recommended).
today i am going to work, then to work out. plan on cchecking out some job postings on craigslist...i need a job at night to help pay bills. i will survive one way or another.
i cheated all this weekend, so today is the day to begin again (mercies renew every morning right?) pray for me, pray that my mind and my needs would be replaced by Gods' that He would place a deep desire in my heart for health and give me the power to fulfill. That HE would change my mind about things, and bring me back to Him. i feel so lost without Him, granted i am getting along, but part of me feels like there is more. i dont want to just live...thats normal...i want to live with passion. i want to fulfill greatness in my life. anyone can live an unGodly life, it takes courage to live a Godly one. its hard though. there are so many people that try to convince people of so many things, no wonder people get confused. i guess i could say that you never really experienced the fullness of God if you are able to walk away from Him. Church gives such a twisted persception of Him. I despise that about churches. they make Him out to be a strict belt-whipper that love conditionally in regards to what you are doing in life and whether or not the church says its wrong. yes there are limits...healthy ones. but HIS love cannot be measured, and is unconditional. people get so down on themselves as christians for not being perfect, having a bad attitude can make a christian feel unworthy of Gods love..how ridiculous!!! His love is constant and always the same. whether you pray everyday or not at all. there is a HUGE difference between the Will of GOD and the LOVE of GOD. He doesnt love less if you are not in the will, though in loving Him in return comes the obedience and the desire and passion for HIM (but oddly enough..HE gives it to you )...so having it or not isnt necessarily under your control...sometimes instead of striving to produce in yourself a love and desire for GOD, to beat yourself up because you dont always have the feel-good feeling (which i suppose is supposed to hand in hand with being "close" to God)...or feeling guilty because you dont have it, and others do........take that time to let GOD love on you. Realize who He is....allow HIM to show you about Himself. ask for the desire, but allow HIM to love on you and give it to you in HIS timing...how can anyone get frustrated when being loved on all the time??
there is my sermon for the day...been a while since i went on a vent like that. i think i could go on...but that might be too long.
c.ALIce
i hung out with vanessa all weekend, saturday we went hiking, yesterday to the beach. we went hiking at switzer falls (pics coming soon)...we got lost and took us twice as long as it shouldve, ate, watched most of KINSEY and then went out with trina, snow, patty, amy and nessa...the meal went late and we were supposed to go dancing so we asked the waitress a good place and she told us. so we went...only had like a an hour...walked in and there were a bunch of hot guys, walked farther in, more guys...looked over and there was a guy dancing in a thong...needless to say, i expereinced my first "raunchy" gay club in the valley...i went to celebrities in dayton, been to drag bar in new york, but this was crazy. lots of first experiences in my travels. =) lol
nessa and i were talking today about church...she wants to get back into church and hadnt found anyone with similar beliefs until i came along. yeah, i think we are going to try oasis (trinas church) and mosaic (church becky recommended).
today i am going to work, then to work out. plan on cchecking out some job postings on craigslist...i need a job at night to help pay bills. i will survive one way or another.
i cheated all this weekend, so today is the day to begin again (mercies renew every morning right?) pray for me, pray that my mind and my needs would be replaced by Gods' that He would place a deep desire in my heart for health and give me the power to fulfill. That HE would change my mind about things, and bring me back to Him. i feel so lost without Him, granted i am getting along, but part of me feels like there is more. i dont want to just live...thats normal...i want to live with passion. i want to fulfill greatness in my life. anyone can live an unGodly life, it takes courage to live a Godly one. its hard though. there are so many people that try to convince people of so many things, no wonder people get confused. i guess i could say that you never really experienced the fullness of God if you are able to walk away from Him. Church gives such a twisted persception of Him. I despise that about churches. they make Him out to be a strict belt-whipper that love conditionally in regards to what you are doing in life and whether or not the church says its wrong. yes there are limits...healthy ones. but HIS love cannot be measured, and is unconditional. people get so down on themselves as christians for not being perfect, having a bad attitude can make a christian feel unworthy of Gods love..how ridiculous!!! His love is constant and always the same. whether you pray everyday or not at all. there is a HUGE difference between the Will of GOD and the LOVE of GOD. He doesnt love less if you are not in the will, though in loving Him in return comes the obedience and the desire and passion for HIM (but oddly enough..HE gives it to you )...so having it or not isnt necessarily under your control...sometimes instead of striving to produce in yourself a love and desire for GOD, to beat yourself up because you dont always have the feel-good feeling (which i suppose is supposed to hand in hand with being "close" to God)...or feeling guilty because you dont have it, and others do........take that time to let GOD love on you. Realize who He is....allow HIM to show you about Himself. ask for the desire, but allow HIM to love on you and give it to you in HIS timing...how can anyone get frustrated when being loved on all the time??
there is my sermon for the day...been a while since i went on a vent like that. i think i could go on...but that might be too long.
c.ALIce
Friday, June 17, 2005
drill sargents and secrets exposed
so yesterday i was really bad on my diet. didnt feel guilty. just felt like crap. watched super size me (the movie) and made some conscieous decisions in my head on how i would redeem myself in the morning (this morning). tiffany has been very patient through my hissy fits and melodramatic bitching about not getting the food i want. i got a package from my sisters which had natural cheetos, as you all know MY FAVORITE. not something that the drill sargent, which we will from here on out refer to as "tiffany" would approve of. so i was cautious, i had a cabinet with natural cheetos, chocolate, peppermint sticks. granted i very seldomly went to the cabinet, it still existed. at work, i would have one coke, to satisfy the urge and i figured that one rather than 4-6 was quite the accomplishment. i would eat the cheetos, but paid close attention, rather than having a full serving size, i would have 5-10 every once in a while, so in the midst of cheating the diet, i was being "good" about it.
so this morning i had decided that i was going to appease the idea of actually eating healthy for a couple weeks. to refrain my brain from thinking that cheetos, chocolate and coke are a necessity in life. woke up. went into the kitchen, opened the cabinet to rearrange so that it was not tempting (and to make sure that the cheetos would not go stale). and lo and behold it was all gone!!!
granted i am not too awake in the morning, but i knew i was aware enough....and i knew who did it. TIFFANY!!!
what did i do? well while my blood was boiling becasue she had had the GALL to mess with my stuff, and hid my favorite foods. contemplating in my head how i would address the situation...i just merely said "i appreciate your effort, but it is ultimately my decision." and took a shower. yes it bothered me that she hid my food, even though i had already decided to refrain from it...it was more of the fact that she made the decision for me. just bad timing. i totally understand why...and i asked her to help me and keep me on track so i cant really be mad and i am not mad. i just want to come to that point in my life to make a decision and not be forced into it...i am not retarded, i will figure it out eventually!!
i love tiff...she is definately helping.
her rebuttal: not in her right mind, she went out and found out that i was drinking coke at work (cause patrick and trina are good friends of hers), and basically conspired against me in an innebrated state. patrick was telling all kinds of lies about pizza..,I DID NOT EAT PIZZA!!! patrick and trina didnt know...just casually came up in conversation.
so tiffany thought i was trying to pull one over on her...not the case. just easier to drink coke at work because it is there, and i dont have to hear the "coke is super bad for you" speech. thanks tiffany for helping, love you girl.
it is ultimately my decision, as it is for everyone. so those of you struggling, change your mind about food. it is not a necessity to have certain foods, and healthy food is actually good. coke is bad for you. you dont have to eat an entire candy bar in one sitting...all you really want is the taste anyway, so all you need is a bite.
well that was the fun of my day so far. she did apologize (i forgot to say that) after work i am going to the gym then i am going out with vanessa..we are going to do something just not sure what yet.
love ya all
c.ALIce
so this morning i had decided that i was going to appease the idea of actually eating healthy for a couple weeks. to refrain my brain from thinking that cheetos, chocolate and coke are a necessity in life. woke up. went into the kitchen, opened the cabinet to rearrange so that it was not tempting (and to make sure that the cheetos would not go stale). and lo and behold it was all gone!!!
granted i am not too awake in the morning, but i knew i was aware enough....and i knew who did it. TIFFANY!!!
what did i do? well while my blood was boiling becasue she had had the GALL to mess with my stuff, and hid my favorite foods. contemplating in my head how i would address the situation...i just merely said "i appreciate your effort, but it is ultimately my decision." and took a shower. yes it bothered me that she hid my food, even though i had already decided to refrain from it...it was more of the fact that she made the decision for me. just bad timing. i totally understand why...and i asked her to help me and keep me on track so i cant really be mad and i am not mad. i just want to come to that point in my life to make a decision and not be forced into it...i am not retarded, i will figure it out eventually!!
i love tiff...she is definately helping.
her rebuttal: not in her right mind, she went out and found out that i was drinking coke at work (cause patrick and trina are good friends of hers), and basically conspired against me in an innebrated state. patrick was telling all kinds of lies about pizza..,I DID NOT EAT PIZZA!!! patrick and trina didnt know...just casually came up in conversation.
so tiffany thought i was trying to pull one over on her...not the case. just easier to drink coke at work because it is there, and i dont have to hear the "coke is super bad for you" speech. thanks tiffany for helping, love you girl.
it is ultimately my decision, as it is for everyone. so those of you struggling, change your mind about food. it is not a necessity to have certain foods, and healthy food is actually good. coke is bad for you. you dont have to eat an entire candy bar in one sitting...all you really want is the taste anyway, so all you need is a bite.
well that was the fun of my day so far. she did apologize (i forgot to say that) after work i am going to the gym then i am going out with vanessa..we are going to do something just not sure what yet.
love ya all
c.ALIce
Thursday, June 16, 2005
shake it up
some of you actually watch the news...me i dont. i know that jackson got aquitted. but thats about it. so today i was at work, sitting there minding my own business, then all of a sudden the room started to shake. yes yes today i experienced my first earthquake. it lasted for about 10 seconds, if even that...and i wasnt sure what it was until patrick told me. it felt like a really big airplane flew overhead. a very strange feeling nonetheless. it was supposively a rather big one, but it only lasted a very short time and didnt knock anything over.
i am very tired today. i dont really feel like doing anything plus i am sore. yesterday tiffany and i went hiking. it was nice to get away from the gym. tonight sierra has a concert at the viper room but i am too tired to go and i promised mom i would call her at 9. i talked to levi today. his business is doing very well. that is awesome. i need to get on the ball with stuff here. i am helping tiffany start up her bartending company, trying to organize my portfolio and working on my website (which the love of my life, levi is graciously going to host for me). once i get the website up i can get more photography gigs and with tiffanys company i can work there for the weekends. i need to make money because mike is moving out the end of july and i have to come up with 775 for deposit and 525 for july rent or august rent...whatever. its alot of money and working 15-20 hours a week isnt cutting it. i went yesterday to a interview at mimis cafe and i stood there for a minute and realized i am not ready to get back into serving at a restaurant just yet. tiffany talked to trina to send out an email telling people that we need work and hopefully we will get a couple nice cocktailing jobs like that. i just would rather work from home, ya know....designing websites or doing headshots. i am all about having a flexible schedule and deciding when i want to work and for how long. there are so many ways to make money in LA, or california in general. i just have to get my crap together and make it. ya know what i mean. i will make it here, but i am definately out of my comfort zone and HAVE to be determined to make things happen in order to survive. i am really not worried about it. i think i just came to the conclusion that what i want isnt just going to drop in my lap. i actually have to make a conscieous effort to accomplish my goals.
i would like to give a shout out to those that i know are avid readers to let you know i appreciate you take the time to know whats going on with me!!! becky, sarah, kati, abbi, cindy, carol, cheryl, randy, christiane, and everyone else. love you all!! if i forgot you, i am sorry...my brain is dead.
until again
c.ALIce
i am very tired today. i dont really feel like doing anything plus i am sore. yesterday tiffany and i went hiking. it was nice to get away from the gym. tonight sierra has a concert at the viper room but i am too tired to go and i promised mom i would call her at 9. i talked to levi today. his business is doing very well. that is awesome. i need to get on the ball with stuff here. i am helping tiffany start up her bartending company, trying to organize my portfolio and working on my website (which the love of my life, levi is graciously going to host for me). once i get the website up i can get more photography gigs and with tiffanys company i can work there for the weekends. i need to make money because mike is moving out the end of july and i have to come up with 775 for deposit and 525 for july rent or august rent...whatever. its alot of money and working 15-20 hours a week isnt cutting it. i went yesterday to a interview at mimis cafe and i stood there for a minute and realized i am not ready to get back into serving at a restaurant just yet. tiffany talked to trina to send out an email telling people that we need work and hopefully we will get a couple nice cocktailing jobs like that. i just would rather work from home, ya know....designing websites or doing headshots. i am all about having a flexible schedule and deciding when i want to work and for how long. there are so many ways to make money in LA, or california in general. i just have to get my crap together and make it. ya know what i mean. i will make it here, but i am definately out of my comfort zone and HAVE to be determined to make things happen in order to survive. i am really not worried about it. i think i just came to the conclusion that what i want isnt just going to drop in my lap. i actually have to make a conscieous effort to accomplish my goals.
i would like to give a shout out to those that i know are avid readers to let you know i appreciate you take the time to know whats going on with me!!! becky, sarah, kati, abbi, cindy, carol, cheryl, randy, christiane, and everyone else. love you all!! if i forgot you, i am sorry...my brain is dead.
until again
c.ALIce
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
kristin
for those that would like to have a face with a name....she is really cool, and she likes me!!! but who wouldnt!!!
monday.tuesday..who knows what day it is.
i think it is so awesome that everyone has blogs these days. i feel so connected to everyone. reading about lifes passions and life decisions and just random things that i have been going on in their lives. i will be here for a while, i still have much to accomplish and maybe i will stay, but i cant make that decision right now, and you know me, i am not one to make up my mind. i am always going back and forth.
i am sure that judah is adorable...post a picture or send me one via email. id love to see how tall she is now....cause i know she is still full of meanness.
tomorrow i have full day....i have to work, then go to a group interview then i am going out with kristen....her friend sierra is having a cd release party on thursday and tomorrow is sorta a pre-cursor to that. its kind of flattering to be invited but at the same time...sierra is not very nice and tiffany doesnt like kristen. i have a feeling i am getting myself in the middle of a mess. i am just trying not to judge people too early. i am not sure how tomorrow will go because sierra is a known coke-head and kristen too when they are together but tomorrow is a studio session thing so i hope that i wont have to deal with the crap. we will see how it goes. fortunately i have enough sense and strong character to resist the not-so-present temptation.
well i am going to get to bed, cause i am too tired to think about what to write.
c.ALIce
oh yeah, for you all of you that know her....remember Jen Edwards, i know cheryl, carol and danielle know her....she is NOW ENGAGED!!! Brian FINALLY asked!!! she called so excited, and was almost at tears because she was so happy. just thought i would let those that want to know know!!!
=) yeah!
love you all!!
i am sure that judah is adorable...post a picture or send me one via email. id love to see how tall she is now....cause i know she is still full of meanness.
tomorrow i have full day....i have to work, then go to a group interview then i am going out with kristen....her friend sierra is having a cd release party on thursday and tomorrow is sorta a pre-cursor to that. its kind of flattering to be invited but at the same time...sierra is not very nice and tiffany doesnt like kristen. i have a feeling i am getting myself in the middle of a mess. i am just trying not to judge people too early. i am not sure how tomorrow will go because sierra is a known coke-head and kristen too when they are together but tomorrow is a studio session thing so i hope that i wont have to deal with the crap. we will see how it goes. fortunately i have enough sense and strong character to resist the not-so-present temptation.
well i am going to get to bed, cause i am too tired to think about what to write.
c.ALIce
oh yeah, for you all of you that know her....remember Jen Edwards, i know cheryl, carol and danielle know her....she is NOW ENGAGED!!! Brian FINALLY asked!!! she called so excited, and was almost at tears because she was so happy. just thought i would let those that want to know know!!!
=) yeah!
love you all!!
Monday, June 13, 2005
such a slacker!!!
i know i should post more, but i have so much fun reading everyone elses blogs that i forget that i have one myself that i need to keep updated. there really isnt anything crazy or adventerous going on here...i have to work today, and i HAVE to go to the gym. i cant slack off anymore because now i am eating healthy too, which is actually very easy, except tiff says i cant have bread/carbs....argh. its only for the first couple weeks she said...good, because i am not giving up pasta, cheetos, ya know all the good foods. so this morning i made myself a smoothie. fresh papaya, pineapple, banana, strawberry and mango with fresh squeezed orange juice and some protein powder. its not all that bad. =)
this morning i got a call from trina and patrick. the people i work for and we are trying to figure out a schedule for me, only 15 hours a week....until the business picks up. i am going to go in today for a couple hours to organize some of the things i am going to change. my way or the highway i guess. tomorrow i am going to go to another group interview at mimi's cafe...i need the extra cash and other restaurants are too stuffy. i am not about hard work or putting myself out too much in a restaurant job. i just need to pay my bills. i guess i have not really come to the conclusion that i am going to live here, i am just trying to pay my bills, expereince the other side of life...accomplish some goals and come home. i dont want to raise children here. i dont want to caught up in having a certain car, living in a certain area, going to certain bars and being associated with certain people to be valued. i dunno though. right now i am frustrated because i am not making as much money as i did in cincinnati and i have to pay my bills. there are always ways to make money here, i am just not that determinned i guess.
what did i do this weekend since the last time i posted? worked on friday till like 6, was supposed to work till 4 but trina came home and we went through a bunch of stuff with the company. then went out with vanesssa on friday night. we went to mimi's cafe to eat with tiffany, then tiff went back to work and we went back to the apartment (cause we are both broke) and just sat around and chatted. saturday night i went to a club called "circus" to watch a DJ play with trina, snow, vanessa and john. he was good, i could've been into it, but wasnt in the mood...definately felt the need for a becky. then went back to vanessas and planned a layout session by the pool on sunday. so yesterday it was cloudy...no good for laying out. so we went grocery shopping, out to eat at kojis (everyones favorite place) and had shabu shabu. it means swish swish in japanese and basically you get a pot of hot water and raw meat and put it in the hot water to cook and there are sauces and rice, veggies and noodles..sorta fun, but i have had shabu 3 times this week, i need a break...anyway so then we went to target, then back to her place, blockbuster, and i came back to apartment and tiff and i chilled out and watched "daddy day care"...so trendy i know!
now i am up before anyone, as usual. vanessa is really cool. very easy to talk to, very midwestern---shes originally from chicago. when they talk about california being so different from midwest...i dont really see it. sometimes the people are dressed a little differently, but overall...there are still clubs, DJs, bars (with the same yet more expensive liquor), stores, restaurants. the weather is definately a plus. i mean, summer/spring year round....how could that not be nice? i will accomplish the things i need to accomplish here, but my friends and family back home are way too important to me. though i know that they too will go off and live elsewhere, they will experience that side of life. but the majority will stay. i urge people the get away from cincinnati to see other places and get it out of their system so that they can come back to cincinnati and realize what home feels like.
thats how i feel today granted...ya know how i change all the time. people around me keep telling me to give it time, at least a year...i dunno though. we will see how it goes. i am not going to do anything drastic...i will accomplish my goals here before i consider going back. today is the third week. cant believe its only been that long....geez!! feels like months!!
love you all!!!
c.ALIce
Friday, June 10, 2005
DOODLES
this is for you abbi..a pic of your beautiful daughter a LONG time ago. if she was sitting up eating a mini muffin...she is definately growing up way too fast!!!
so i guess that mike is no longer moving out in mid-june. he may be here for a while. the situation isnt that bad actually, but i am sure that tiffany would like to come home and have some alone time, cause there is always someone home, or something to do.
the job is good. i am a bit worried because i am only working part time and its not enough to pay my bills. i need at least 400 a week to survive and until i start with kristin, i am only making 200. UGH..why (again) does the world have to revolve around money?? i am truly to pick up some random photo jobs on the side. we will see how that goes. harder than i thought it would be to find a job.
listening to german cd right now. trying to learn german cause i am so cool...listen to arabic on the way to work and back from work. i also have spanish and russian as well. i will be fluent in like 20 years!
love you
c.ALIce
the job is good. i am a bit worried because i am only working part time and its not enough to pay my bills. i need at least 400 a week to survive and until i start with kristin, i am only making 200. UGH..why (again) does the world have to revolve around money?? i am truly to pick up some random photo jobs on the side. we will see how that goes. harder than i thought it would be to find a job.
listening to german cd right now. trying to learn german cause i am so cool...listen to arabic on the way to work and back from work. i also have spanish and russian as well. i will be fluent in like 20 years!
love you
c.ALIce
Thursday, June 09, 2005
look at my beautiful sister
this post is dedicated to my beautiful sister carol. she brought to my attention that she didnt have any pictures so i searched deep and found some...but there arent any of me and her..sad i know, but on flicker i put some other pics of carol!
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
what have i not said....
listening to mtv hits....papa roach "scars" for some reason i love his voice, and he is hot! i am sorta out of it right now. not much really goin on. i worked today, but dont have to work tomorrow...well i am on call. justin (the other guy) needs to come in and show me what to do because patrick doesnt know how. i have pretty much taught my way through quickbooks and have a good grasp on things to do. today i re0organized the file cabinet and i am going to make individual folders on each DJ or entertainment company that we work for/with. i work much better at the apartment, but i have to remember its a job not a curdosy.
i havent been to work out lately, honestly i havent had the energy. i am just getting over being sick and it has really wore me out. tiffany and i are starting our cleansing fast tomorrow...or so we say. tonight we got chocolate and soda as our last treat before we begin...now i feel nauseous. so tomorrow i guess i am not eating real food but liquid diet only. its only 2 weeks. i am so excited to see my sisters. in august, my sisters and maybe others are going to meet in las vegas and then go to grand canyon..OH SO EXCITED. hopefully i will be able to get off work..or in any case, still have a job by then.
sometimes i feel like i am not doing enough at my job, but at the same time....i dont think that i have a clear idea of what my duties are....i definately need more training from justin, if he ever shows up for work.
well nothing else too interesting. i am glad that my friends have got their own blogs. it is much easier to keep up on them. POST MORE PICS!!!
loveyou all
c.ALIce
i havent been to work out lately, honestly i havent had the energy. i am just getting over being sick and it has really wore me out. tiffany and i are starting our cleansing fast tomorrow...or so we say. tonight we got chocolate and soda as our last treat before we begin...now i feel nauseous. so tomorrow i guess i am not eating real food but liquid diet only. its only 2 weeks. i am so excited to see my sisters. in august, my sisters and maybe others are going to meet in las vegas and then go to grand canyon..OH SO EXCITED. hopefully i will be able to get off work..or in any case, still have a job by then.
sometimes i feel like i am not doing enough at my job, but at the same time....i dont think that i have a clear idea of what my duties are....i definately need more training from justin, if he ever shows up for work.
well nothing else too interesting. i am glad that my friends have got their own blogs. it is much easier to keep up on them. POST MORE PICS!!!
loveyou all
c.ALIce
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
general life
i feel like shit today. i thought i was getting better and then my stomach started to get really upset and now i am so tired that i cant sleep. so you are my remedy.
i started my new job today. i am basically working for patrick, the guy i took wedding pics for. he owns a entertainment company that hires out djs and all types of entertainment. i am the go-to girl. i am basically his personal assistant/secretary/book-keeper/gig scheduler/ goffer. its a really laid back job, he works out of his house and the hours are super flexible. right now it is a very busy season. i was on the phone all day today, as well as trying to learn quickbooks...the guy training me thinks i am a fucking genius or something...he is like "here watch me do this once in super lightning speed then ill let you do it while i go smoke..." i am a hands on type of learner...you cant just tell me anything because my brain tunes people out (especially him, GOD he doesnt take breathes between sentences!!) i caught on though..after he left, i just went through some random tutorials and now i probably know more than he does.
i think i will like the job though. patrick is super easy to work with, and once the other guy is gone...we might actually get things done. i am trying to figure out a better way to organize the whole thing so that we do not lose clients due to miscommunicatoin or unorganization. i am actually very organized, especially in my brain when things need to be done.
boring huh? i guess its not much fun to read about my daily life. there is really nothing too exciting going on other than my first day at my job.
i am actually very sad today because my great aunt passed away last night. she was old and had alzheimer, but it is still sad. i consider her my grandmother figure. when dad and i went to kentucky on the weekends, i would hang out with her and go on long walks and pick strawberries. i havent seen her in a really long time, and she wouldnt know me if she saw me anyway. but regardless she still holds a very special place in my life. ill deal with it later.
i wish i would feel better. i wish someone would send me mail. i wish i was getting my mail here, especially my check from encore...that would help alot i think. they said they mailed it, but i havent seen it yet...slackers!!!! tiff keeps saying that we are going to start this cleansing fast, but then we keep putting it off..last week we (she) was recouping from the wedding....this week we are sick, maybe next week. to tell you the truth i am really not looking forward to it. depriving myself from food for 2 weeks for cleansing...probably a healthly thing to do...its like i am going to get an eating disorder. she also says we are going to work out...hmmm....yeah....we BETTER!!! i get all motivated...then i slack off. something i have to do myself, though i would much rather have her company.
i talked to aimee today from encore. she is so sweet. think she might actually have to re-nig on her thinking i am coming back soon. i will be here for at least a year i think. maybe till i figure out what i really want. who knows. i am not making any plans/ just going with the flow...so far that has worked out prefectly for me.
well i am off.....pray i will feel better....cause i hate being sick. tiff thinks i am funny...cause i am delirious. she said that i dont have to drink or do drugs, all i need is a slight cold to be entertaining. i admit i am somewhat spacey...like a blonde in a plantetariam.
love you.
c.ALIce
i started my new job today. i am basically working for patrick, the guy i took wedding pics for. he owns a entertainment company that hires out djs and all types of entertainment. i am the go-to girl. i am basically his personal assistant/secretary/book-keeper/gig scheduler/ goffer. its a really laid back job, he works out of his house and the hours are super flexible. right now it is a very busy season. i was on the phone all day today, as well as trying to learn quickbooks...the guy training me thinks i am a fucking genius or something...he is like "here watch me do this once in super lightning speed then ill let you do it while i go smoke..." i am a hands on type of learner...you cant just tell me anything because my brain tunes people out (especially him, GOD he doesnt take breathes between sentences!!) i caught on though..after he left, i just went through some random tutorials and now i probably know more than he does.
i think i will like the job though. patrick is super easy to work with, and once the other guy is gone...we might actually get things done. i am trying to figure out a better way to organize the whole thing so that we do not lose clients due to miscommunicatoin or unorganization. i am actually very organized, especially in my brain when things need to be done.
boring huh? i guess its not much fun to read about my daily life. there is really nothing too exciting going on other than my first day at my job.
i am actually very sad today because my great aunt passed away last night. she was old and had alzheimer, but it is still sad. i consider her my grandmother figure. when dad and i went to kentucky on the weekends, i would hang out with her and go on long walks and pick strawberries. i havent seen her in a really long time, and she wouldnt know me if she saw me anyway. but regardless she still holds a very special place in my life. ill deal with it later.
i wish i would feel better. i wish someone would send me mail. i wish i was getting my mail here, especially my check from encore...that would help alot i think. they said they mailed it, but i havent seen it yet...slackers!!!! tiff keeps saying that we are going to start this cleansing fast, but then we keep putting it off..last week we (she) was recouping from the wedding....this week we are sick, maybe next week. to tell you the truth i am really not looking forward to it. depriving myself from food for 2 weeks for cleansing...probably a healthly thing to do...its like i am going to get an eating disorder. she also says we are going to work out...hmmm....yeah....we BETTER!!! i get all motivated...then i slack off. something i have to do myself, though i would much rather have her company.
i talked to aimee today from encore. she is so sweet. think she might actually have to re-nig on her thinking i am coming back soon. i will be here for at least a year i think. maybe till i figure out what i really want. who knows. i am not making any plans/ just going with the flow...so far that has worked out prefectly for me.
well i am off.....pray i will feel better....cause i hate being sick. tiff thinks i am funny...cause i am delirious. she said that i dont have to drink or do drugs, all i need is a slight cold to be entertaining. i admit i am somewhat spacey...like a blonde in a plantetariam.
love you.
c.ALIce
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Saturday, June 04, 2005
all the things you didnt want to know
well i was supposed to work with kristin and tiffany on a commercial on thursday and ended getting postponed...which was cool. went to my first group interview at urban outfitters which was fun. they seem like a really cool group of people to work with, as of now i have not got a call back for second interview, but i am really not that worried about it. so i am doing so much that it is hard to keep you all posted. i think i told you i went to jumbos, a strip bar and cheetahs, a strip bar....but not really, neither went topless so it wasnt that awkward...just a bar with girls in their underwear dancing around. had trina and patricks wedding and i think that is where i ended it....oh so much more to tell.
got back on sunday from wedding....nothing interesting there.
monday...errands, tifff went to kareoke, i stayed home and organized
tuesday...apparently nothing grandious because i vaguely remember...
wednesday....got a gym membership (or was that tuesday, hell i cant remember) i was itching for a dance club, but nothing was that happening on wednesday night, so we went to this little restaurant for a little snack and tiff ran into someone she knew that paid for our meal (which probably wasnt cheap...) super nice guy from lebanon, i spoke my famous three phrases or arabic (though he didnt seem too impressed, but i thought i was cool). so then we went to level one, a bar that tiff used to work at but it was closed, or vise versa, we may have went to level one first...OH yeah, level one, then restaurant, then BOA, another bar (with a SUPER HOT BROTHER AS BOUNCER!!) it was very "hollywood" or "LA".... very nice but almost too nice, we left there and went down the street to another bar "sky" which overlooked the city (which was beautiful) and sat by the pool with our feet resting in the water talking about life and love and more life. nice to sit and chat. we then went back to BOA, which i didnt mind...ya know, the eye candy helps. hung out with new guy...forgot his name, but he was from hungray and really nice. then bed
thursday (was that really last night!?!??!) had lots of interviews (well two...but i got other crap taken care of too)...went to work out (by myself mind you....be proud!) then came home and tiff and i went back to level one (cause we were determined to see rick, a hot friend of tiffs...now my adopted older brother) then went to ANOTHER bar (i am like becoming a bar whore) called "the drawing room" where we saw justin and his friend jeff, so we played good music on the jutebox and played darts. i was pretty buzzed by the end of this night. i dont drink often, by any means of the imagination (though for some reason people think i am a lush)...the bar closed and we stood outside with other people that got kicked out and hung out. NO ONE HERE is FROM LA!!! they are from all over, most of them are actors, comedians, screenwriters, directors..etc etc. sweet people though. i was noted as "fabulous" and "twice as cool as the coolest person i know"...which means alot coming from a guy that admittedly just shot up whale liver?!?! he said it not me...who knows why. so far everyone i have met is cool...sober or wasted. its the first time in like 2 years that i have been that drunk. the hangover wasnt bad either, thank GOD. it is not a normal thing by any means. but fun every once in a while. i dont really plan on doing it very often, because it is an expensive habit.
then there was today...worked out again (3rd day oh yeah!!) and went to trina and patricks to show them wedding pics (they are so adorable) then went to red lion (imagine that, another bar) for joels birthday party. i dont know joel all that well, but vanessa (his girlfriend) is really cool. sat and chatted with trina and kristin...one of the only times i didnt have tiffany with me (she was there for a bit, but had to go back to work). i love my tiffy...she has been so patient with the clutter of her room..though this weekend we are CLEANING and PAINTING!!! we will get this place in order for a couple days anyway. she has been great though. i love her dearly.
tomorrow i am not sure whats going on
sunday...made plans with trina to go to church, tentatively anyway, and tiff wants to go hiking, and cleaning and painting i presume.
monday....10am, i go to work. i have to learn the ropes for the first couple weeks then i am on my way. i think that the job is awesome, very laid back but with alot of potential for growth/advancement....and flexible. i think it really fits my talents too. i do want to do a good job, and i think i will. it will be so much fun, and it is awesome that kristin is working with me...i want to work with her too, and she is being very pro-active to make that happen.
everything seems to be falling into place. everything has worked out great since i got here, and that just confirms to me that this was the right decision.
roommate situation: Joe finally got a job working with mike (the other roommate) and they are getting along like a cute little couple..yesterday they went to a movie together, today they got a job, got wasted and went shopping...oh how adorable (mind you, neither of them are gay). mike told tiffany that he might be moving in mid june, which is awesome because that means i get his room. i dunno how long joe will be here, at least until he gets his feet on the ground.couple months i presume. we will see how it goes. i would love for you to come visit me, i just want to make sure that things here are settled so i can give you a better idea of when the best time is...and to make sure there is room for you, because at this point, everything is tentative.
i think that pretty much sums everything up. i dont think that i missed much of anything in the last two blogs...just trying to catch up. i have other comments on myspace (link is in left hand side bar) and there you can see some of my new friends and lots of good ol friends.
love you all!!!
c.ALIce
i will try to call people this weekend...free nights and weekends, and weekends are easier to manage because nights my time are really late for most of you all.
got back on sunday from wedding....nothing interesting there.
monday...errands, tifff went to kareoke, i stayed home and organized
tuesday...apparently nothing grandious because i vaguely remember...
wednesday....got a gym membership (or was that tuesday, hell i cant remember) i was itching for a dance club, but nothing was that happening on wednesday night, so we went to this little restaurant for a little snack and tiff ran into someone she knew that paid for our meal (which probably wasnt cheap...) super nice guy from lebanon, i spoke my famous three phrases or arabic (though he didnt seem too impressed, but i thought i was cool). so then we went to level one, a bar that tiff used to work at but it was closed, or vise versa, we may have went to level one first...OH yeah, level one, then restaurant, then BOA, another bar (with a SUPER HOT BROTHER AS BOUNCER!!) it was very "hollywood" or "LA".... very nice but almost too nice, we left there and went down the street to another bar "sky" which overlooked the city (which was beautiful) and sat by the pool with our feet resting in the water talking about life and love and more life. nice to sit and chat. we then went back to BOA, which i didnt mind...ya know, the eye candy helps. hung out with new guy...forgot his name, but he was from hungray and really nice. then bed
thursday (was that really last night!?!??!) had lots of interviews (well two...but i got other crap taken care of too)...went to work out (by myself mind you....be proud!) then came home and tiff and i went back to level one (cause we were determined to see rick, a hot friend of tiffs...now my adopted older brother) then went to ANOTHER bar (i am like becoming a bar whore) called "the drawing room" where we saw justin and his friend jeff, so we played good music on the jutebox and played darts. i was pretty buzzed by the end of this night. i dont drink often, by any means of the imagination (though for some reason people think i am a lush)...the bar closed and we stood outside with other people that got kicked out and hung out. NO ONE HERE is FROM LA!!! they are from all over, most of them are actors, comedians, screenwriters, directors..etc etc. sweet people though. i was noted as "fabulous" and "twice as cool as the coolest person i know"...which means alot coming from a guy that admittedly just shot up whale liver?!?! he said it not me...who knows why. so far everyone i have met is cool...sober or wasted. its the first time in like 2 years that i have been that drunk. the hangover wasnt bad either, thank GOD. it is not a normal thing by any means. but fun every once in a while. i dont really plan on doing it very often, because it is an expensive habit.
then there was today...worked out again (3rd day oh yeah!!) and went to trina and patricks to show them wedding pics (they are so adorable) then went to red lion (imagine that, another bar) for joels birthday party. i dont know joel all that well, but vanessa (his girlfriend) is really cool. sat and chatted with trina and kristin...one of the only times i didnt have tiffany with me (she was there for a bit, but had to go back to work). i love my tiffy...she has been so patient with the clutter of her room..though this weekend we are CLEANING and PAINTING!!! we will get this place in order for a couple days anyway. she has been great though. i love her dearly.
tomorrow i am not sure whats going on
sunday...made plans with trina to go to church, tentatively anyway, and tiff wants to go hiking, and cleaning and painting i presume.
monday....10am, i go to work. i have to learn the ropes for the first couple weeks then i am on my way. i think that the job is awesome, very laid back but with alot of potential for growth/advancement....and flexible. i think it really fits my talents too. i do want to do a good job, and i think i will. it will be so much fun, and it is awesome that kristin is working with me...i want to work with her too, and she is being very pro-active to make that happen.
everything seems to be falling into place. everything has worked out great since i got here, and that just confirms to me that this was the right decision.
roommate situation: Joe finally got a job working with mike (the other roommate) and they are getting along like a cute little couple..yesterday they went to a movie together, today they got a job, got wasted and went shopping...oh how adorable (mind you, neither of them are gay). mike told tiffany that he might be moving in mid june, which is awesome because that means i get his room. i dunno how long joe will be here, at least until he gets his feet on the ground.couple months i presume. we will see how it goes. i would love for you to come visit me, i just want to make sure that things here are settled so i can give you a better idea of when the best time is...and to make sure there is room for you, because at this point, everything is tentative.
i think that pretty much sums everything up. i dont think that i missed much of anything in the last two blogs...just trying to catch up. i have other comments on myspace (link is in left hand side bar) and there you can see some of my new friends and lots of good ol friends.
love you all!!!
c.ALIce
i will try to call people this weekend...free nights and weekends, and weekends are easier to manage because nights my time are really late for most of you all.
Friday, June 03, 2005
life in la
mike, the other roommate is being super nice to everyone. i think that it had less to do with us being here and more to do with things going on in his life. i just showed patrick and trina the pictures from the wedding and they loved them. not that i doubted that they would, but it makes me feel even better now knowing it. the best part was being there when i showed them...they were so cute. it was like they were living the night all over again.
i now definately have a job. i start work on monday. i am basically helping out patrick with his dj business, working out the legistics still, but doing booking, email replies, answering the phone. i think that it will be awesome. i am very excited. i am also going to work with kristin when she gets another gig being a PA (production assistant)... and she is awesome because she is going to work with me and my schedule with patrick so that i can do both.
i went yesterday for a job as a caterer and i am supposed to work tomorrow, but unfortunately the girl never sent me directions and being i have been lost alot, i dont want to take my chances for a hard day at work for $50. i kind of feel bad, but its somewhat their fault for not having their shit together.
so i am probably going to go to church with trina on sunday. the church is called oasis, its a non denominational church...and she speaks of it in high regards. i am excited. there isnt a church on every corner like in cinci, and the ones i have seen are all demonination based, and i would much rather not be in a particular religon, but with like-minded individuals. i think that it will be a great way to get connected to people and to also find a bible study or something like that.
i have worked out for three days straight...be SO proud!!! the gym is really cool. i took a strip tease cardio class led by a flaming gay guy that was almost more woman than me. went yesterday by myself...took me an hour and half to get there...30 minutes to get home. it was a nice drive though. its beautiful here.
my sisters are planning a trip out west, maybe to grand canyon or las vegas...and have me meet them there. that would be so much fun!!! i miss them. its been almost 3 weeks, but i think because of the huge chance and lots of down time (well joblessness...not necessarily down time) it feels like it has been months.
i have met some amazing people. got to talk to trina today and get to know her better and also kristin, which is cool too (we think alot alike). i am staying away from the whole hollywood scene...the people seem so dull and cut out. the people i have met are very open, honest and real...i truly have been blessed through out this entire endeavor. part of me is really sad to think that i might stay here for a long time, and i am also excited. who knows what tomorrrow brings right? i do miss people though...becky, sarah, katie....my sisters...and oddly enough my mom and dad.
speaking of which, my dad had a pace maker put in on wednesday, and it seems like everything worked out beautifully. hopefully that will keep him around longer.
anyway, i am also going to post this on my blog because some people read that and not this...or vise versa.
love you all!!
c.ALIce
i now definately have a job. i start work on monday. i am basically helping out patrick with his dj business, working out the legistics still, but doing booking, email replies, answering the phone. i think that it will be awesome. i am very excited. i am also going to work with kristin when she gets another gig being a PA (production assistant)... and she is awesome because she is going to work with me and my schedule with patrick so that i can do both.
i went yesterday for a job as a caterer and i am supposed to work tomorrow, but unfortunately the girl never sent me directions and being i have been lost alot, i dont want to take my chances for a hard day at work for $50. i kind of feel bad, but its somewhat their fault for not having their shit together.
so i am probably going to go to church with trina on sunday. the church is called oasis, its a non denominational church...and she speaks of it in high regards. i am excited. there isnt a church on every corner like in cinci, and the ones i have seen are all demonination based, and i would much rather not be in a particular religon, but with like-minded individuals. i think that it will be a great way to get connected to people and to also find a bible study or something like that.
i have worked out for three days straight...be SO proud!!! the gym is really cool. i took a strip tease cardio class led by a flaming gay guy that was almost more woman than me. went yesterday by myself...took me an hour and half to get there...30 minutes to get home. it was a nice drive though. its beautiful here.
my sisters are planning a trip out west, maybe to grand canyon or las vegas...and have me meet them there. that would be so much fun!!! i miss them. its been almost 3 weeks, but i think because of the huge chance and lots of down time (well joblessness...not necessarily down time) it feels like it has been months.
i have met some amazing people. got to talk to trina today and get to know her better and also kristin, which is cool too (we think alot alike). i am staying away from the whole hollywood scene...the people seem so dull and cut out. the people i have met are very open, honest and real...i truly have been blessed through out this entire endeavor. part of me is really sad to think that i might stay here for a long time, and i am also excited. who knows what tomorrrow brings right? i do miss people though...becky, sarah, katie....my sisters...and oddly enough my mom and dad.
speaking of which, my dad had a pace maker put in on wednesday, and it seems like everything worked out beautifully. hopefully that will keep him around longer.
anyway, i am also going to post this on my blog because some people read that and not this...or vise versa.
love you all!!
c.ALIce
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
sunset in texas
i thought this was beautiful as we were driving through texas. there wasnt a whole lot else to look at other than a couple hills and flat land...yes texas is flat!!!
belton family
i LOVE the belton family!!! i am so glad that i got to spend some time with them over the weekend. i hope to see them soon!!
trina and patrick
arent they beautiful!?!?!? this was the people i did the wedding for this weekend.
got a gym membership today
that was the only exciting thing i have done. i have a lot of errands to run tomorrow....open bank account, go to job interview, call back people that called me today for interviews, drop off application at urban outfitters. i figure i can get a bunch of jobs and keep things interesting. i have some really good pictures from the wedding that i can use for my website, if and when i ever get it going!!! i have randy that will put my online, so i should really get to it. today i went with tiffany and got a gym membership at crunch.ballys. we are supposed to go tomorrow. today we were supposed to start a cleansing fast, and it lasted about half a day, but it was cleansing....i felt alot better, but i HAD to eat something normal!! we are supposed to start it again next monday...mondays are always better to start fasts and diets right?
other than that nothing too interesting. just trying to plant my feet and find NATURAL CHEETOS!!! they are no where!!! i met three people today from ohio....weird huh? one was SUPER HOT...he was at the gym! yeah, that means i have eye candy to motivate me. haha =)
i feel alot more settled now, and less like a vacation...but i think i mentioned that. i have been trying to keep touch with people as much as possible but its hard because of my minutes on my phone. i dont want to pay more than i have too and i cant call till after nine on cali time, which is midnight on ohio time.
anyway, i am keeping this short and sweet because i have a long day tomorrow and i want to get some sleep.
love you all
c.ALIce
other than that nothing too interesting. just trying to plant my feet and find NATURAL CHEETOS!!! they are no where!!! i met three people today from ohio....weird huh? one was SUPER HOT...he was at the gym! yeah, that means i have eye candy to motivate me. haha =)
i feel alot more settled now, and less like a vacation...but i think i mentioned that. i have been trying to keep touch with people as much as possible but its hard because of my minutes on my phone. i dont want to pay more than i have too and i cant call till after nine on cali time, which is midnight on ohio time.
anyway, i am keeping this short and sweet because i have a long day tomorrow and i want to get some sleep.
love you all
c.ALIce
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
What a Weekend!!
you have not heard from me in a while because i have been super busy this weekend at trina and patricks wedding. it was so much fun!! i fortunately had met most everyone on thursday night at the bachelor party, then the rehearsal dinner was friday night, the wedding on saturday and the brunch on sunday. i was invited to the wedding, which was an honor anyway, i had met trina and patrick over christmas. i offered my photographic services to them (in lieu of being at a wedding and not really knowing anyone) and they accepted. i was to be the reception candid photographer. friday was fun, we got there around 4 at this beautiful house in simi valley (45 minute drive from LA) and hung out, then practiced the wedding and hung out more. saturday was the big day...the wedding. Trina was absolutely stunning...ill post a pic later, after i go through them. she looks like marilyn monroe or grace kelly, timeless and classic. the wedding was short and sweet and funny, definately not formal, but very casual and laid back. then the reception...lots of fun dancing and then broken up because we were in someones back yard.
now the photography....candid? reception? no...the "real" photographer didnt know to show up at 3 for family pics...so i took charge. do you know how hard it is to get 10 divas and a bride to hold still in one place at the same time? but good...sandy and i took some pictures. we organized them and shot...no time!! we didnt get to start with pics till almost 4...wedding was at 5....i felt so rushed!! but it was good...lots of good pics. the other photographer did show up, and he was really cool...super nice guy!! i was ordained the reception photographer from the get-go so i was there...supposed to be taking the bulk of the most important pics (i didnt realize i would be the only one) and then right before the first dance, my battery ran out!!! OH NO!!! first dance, father/daughter dance, cake cutting, flower toss, garder toss...none would be documented. dont worry, i handled it...got sandy to cover me for about 20 minutes while my battery recharged, and didnt miss anything but the father/daughter dance, but she got it on film.
i have almost 1000 pics from friday, and saturday...i didnt want to screw any up so i took a bunch just to make sure. I AM SO COOL!!!
after the wedding was the after wedding party at the hotel, lets just say i have never been to a party quite like it. dont worry, i didnt drink or do drugs or have random sex with strangers...but i did have fun. who needs drugs? or alcohol?
i met a lot of really cool people...jason (NY) jen (LA) zac!!! (DC) belton family (IN) becky and duke (IN) Kelly (LA) Vanessa (LA, originally from IL) Stacey!!! (IL) there are more, but those are the ones with the blog mention...most everyone i hung out with were people from the midwest. some live in LA, but most left on sunday or monday to go back home. there is a distinct difference from people that live in LA and those that dont, but everyone was very cool and friendly, warm and welcoming. it was definately a great time to come and meet everyone.
so far i am well liked...not that i had too much to worry about...i am likable.
i kind of have a job. i met Kristin, tiffs friend/boss, and 20 minutes from meeting me she looks at me and says "youre hired." apparently tiff talked me up, and kristin agreed...i didnt do anything to try to impress her except be myself...and i guess that was enough. there is really no work right now, but i am working on a commercial on thursday (my first PA job)...not a lot of money, but something at least. tomorrow i am going to see if i can find a serving job, and hopefully find a job for Joe.
there has been so much going on this weekend, i am sure i have not touched on everything, but that is the jist anyway. i am sure there will be more to come.
love you all and miss ya a little...
c.ALIce
now the photography....candid? reception? no...the "real" photographer didnt know to show up at 3 for family pics...so i took charge. do you know how hard it is to get 10 divas and a bride to hold still in one place at the same time? but good...sandy and i took some pictures. we organized them and shot...no time!! we didnt get to start with pics till almost 4...wedding was at 5....i felt so rushed!! but it was good...lots of good pics. the other photographer did show up, and he was really cool...super nice guy!! i was ordained the reception photographer from the get-go so i was there...supposed to be taking the bulk of the most important pics (i didnt realize i would be the only one) and then right before the first dance, my battery ran out!!! OH NO!!! first dance, father/daughter dance, cake cutting, flower toss, garder toss...none would be documented. dont worry, i handled it...got sandy to cover me for about 20 minutes while my battery recharged, and didnt miss anything but the father/daughter dance, but she got it on film.
i have almost 1000 pics from friday, and saturday...i didnt want to screw any up so i took a bunch just to make sure. I AM SO COOL!!!
after the wedding was the after wedding party at the hotel, lets just say i have never been to a party quite like it. dont worry, i didnt drink or do drugs or have random sex with strangers...but i did have fun. who needs drugs? or alcohol?
i met a lot of really cool people...jason (NY) jen (LA) zac!!! (DC) belton family (IN) becky and duke (IN) Kelly (LA) Vanessa (LA, originally from IL) Stacey!!! (IL) there are more, but those are the ones with the blog mention...most everyone i hung out with were people from the midwest. some live in LA, but most left on sunday or monday to go back home. there is a distinct difference from people that live in LA and those that dont, but everyone was very cool and friendly, warm and welcoming. it was definately a great time to come and meet everyone.
so far i am well liked...not that i had too much to worry about...i am likable.
i kind of have a job. i met Kristin, tiffs friend/boss, and 20 minutes from meeting me she looks at me and says "youre hired." apparently tiff talked me up, and kristin agreed...i didnt do anything to try to impress her except be myself...and i guess that was enough. there is really no work right now, but i am working on a commercial on thursday (my first PA job)...not a lot of money, but something at least. tomorrow i am going to see if i can find a serving job, and hopefully find a job for Joe.
there has been so much going on this weekend, i am sure i have not touched on everything, but that is the jist anyway. i am sure there will be more to come.
love you all and miss ya a little...
c.ALIce
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Live to Love
its weird being in a different city that you have never been in before and calling it home. i guess it would be easier to come home and just brush this off as vacation. but what would i have learned in that process. i like the city, there are some really cool spots that remind me of a mix between short vine and mt adams and hyde park...very urban outfitter-ish. that i like. its very carefree and peaceful...despite the fact it is in a city. i am sorta stressed out about the whole job situation...i feel very out of control. the last time i went to apply for a job was like 4 years ago...twice maybe in the last 10 years. and nothing that was super important. i am thinking about getting a job at urban outfitters on melrose...cool place to hang out i think...just a bit stressful....tell me again why i came here? remind me why i decided to turn my life upside down to come out of my comfort zone? was i so unhappy there? i feel lost at times because i know i am talented, yet unexpereinced, i know i am a great friend, yet shy away from people. one day i think i will get it...i dont think i will be famous, but i do want to be successful, just not sure yet in what. yesterday i was confident in being here, today i am getting more stressed and the guy (joe) is driving me crazy by just breathing. way too much time with one person (its not like israel with sisters and sa....hes a boy with a really abnoxious smoking habit and he says an expression i cant spell it..but sounds like a meow from a mafioso..ugh, if he says it ONE more time, i could smack him (i have that aggression boiling up in my stomach that i have a feeling is going to explode soon). i havent come to that point where i am missing people, but ya'll know me...may take me a little bit...only been a little over a week (though it has felt like months). breathe chrissi!! everything so far has worked out in my favor, and i think with all the prayers from the midwest and beyond, that God will take care of me. It was way too perfect of a trip and preparation of a trip to think in any way that i am not supposed to be here, just finding my niche. i should just take this time to re-evaluate. before life gets hectic with 5 jobs and no free time...to sit and breathe in the vacation. life is not about making money and paying bills...life is about living. i have to keep reminding myself that i work to live, not live to work...that people are incredible creatures worth time and consideration and that i dont want to be a selfish person in which my life revolves around how much money i have in my bank account. please continue to remind me of that...ill love you for it.
i need to go grocery shopping, too expensive to eat out all the time....cant handle it.
tried to open a checking account today, they said i couldnt until i got a CA license...there are other banks though, so no sweat.
tell me please what to do with my life...why do some people have it so easy? they just know or fall into something...i am the jack of all trades but the master of none, which should make me more marketable right? but they dont know me...they dont know my talents and abilities, and somehow i have to expose myself to them and convince them i am a good candidate, though sometimes i am not sure myself...Goal in life in LA...learn to have confidence in myself...easier said than done i am afraid.
love you all dearly
c.ALIce
i need to go grocery shopping, too expensive to eat out all the time....cant handle it.
tried to open a checking account today, they said i couldnt until i got a CA license...there are other banks though, so no sweat.
tell me please what to do with my life...why do some people have it so easy? they just know or fall into something...i am the jack of all trades but the master of none, which should make me more marketable right? but they dont know me...they dont know my talents and abilities, and somehow i have to expose myself to them and convince them i am a good candidate, though sometimes i am not sure myself...Goal in life in LA...learn to have confidence in myself...easier said than done i am afraid.
love you all dearly
c.ALIce
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Los Angeles....call me home
Well I arrived in Los Angeles last night. Tiffany hosts kareoke on monday nights so we went there....it was actually pretty fun. i met a couple people, jeff, mike, cameron and justin....yeah i know..all guys, but i am not sure that tiffany has girlfriends. just kidding, i know she does...just happened that way.
Today we went to the mall to find Tiffany a black dress for Trinas wedding this weekend and to find Joe a job, because he has no money. all day in a mall trying to find a black dress...somewhat exhausting but fun. I dont know what people were talking about before i left about LA....they must have not been where i have been. the people are at times more friendly than in Cincinnati. they look at you and smile. the apartment is near Los Feliz, which is not far from Hollywood. We are very close to Burbank and Melrose. Its a pretty good neighborhood, its no Beverly Hills, but its not Compton either. The apartment is much bigger than i imagined. The freeways are not as crowded as i thought either...just like Cincinnati, depends on what time of day you decide to drive them. But so far my experiences have been great. i dont feel like i dont belong here. i actually feel quite at home. i have a list of things that i plan to accomplish while i am here, which is a start to getting to where i want to be. i dont know how long i will stay...at this point it still feels like some sort of surreal dream, but not a vacation, maybe a little one. i have put in some resumes and tiff has been trying to pull some strings for me. i have to be really careful with how much money i spend because i know it can run out fast...tomorrow we must go grocery shopping because i can not afford to eat out all the time....its expensive. so far gas is 2.45 a gallon for the unleaded....crazy..but its more expensive because they purify it so much to make it better for the environment...supposively. food is expensive, but its not like eating at mcdonalds with the dollar menu...we were at the mall and everything there is overpriced. tomorrow tiff and i are giong to melrose to go shopping at some really trendy stores (like shopping on short vine and mt adams....or cool stores like urban outfitters (though cheaper)). i decided i want to be a hippy....then i decided that i did not want to limit myself to one identity, when i am cute enough to pull so much more off. we went to a bunch of stores today that sell those bohemian style skirts, like the ones i got in israel, for WAY more than i spent in israel. gyspy skirts i guess you could call them too. they are fun...
tomorrow we are going to melrose, crunch and washington mutual...shop, workout and get a bank account. well thats the plan. thursday there are no real plans and friday i am the photographer (candid digital) for trina and patricks wedding and also on saturday. i am even in the program!!! i didnt realize that until today...kind of cool. i think i will try to get some business cards printed out...ya know...networking!!! its all about who you know here...it really is!!
ill come right back....gotta take the dogs for walk...
c.ALIce
Today we went to the mall to find Tiffany a black dress for Trinas wedding this weekend and to find Joe a job, because he has no money. all day in a mall trying to find a black dress...somewhat exhausting but fun. I dont know what people were talking about before i left about LA....they must have not been where i have been. the people are at times more friendly than in Cincinnati. they look at you and smile. the apartment is near Los Feliz, which is not far from Hollywood. We are very close to Burbank and Melrose. Its a pretty good neighborhood, its no Beverly Hills, but its not Compton either. The apartment is much bigger than i imagined. The freeways are not as crowded as i thought either...just like Cincinnati, depends on what time of day you decide to drive them. But so far my experiences have been great. i dont feel like i dont belong here. i actually feel quite at home. i have a list of things that i plan to accomplish while i am here, which is a start to getting to where i want to be. i dont know how long i will stay...at this point it still feels like some sort of surreal dream, but not a vacation, maybe a little one. i have put in some resumes and tiff has been trying to pull some strings for me. i have to be really careful with how much money i spend because i know it can run out fast...tomorrow we must go grocery shopping because i can not afford to eat out all the time....its expensive. so far gas is 2.45 a gallon for the unleaded....crazy..but its more expensive because they purify it so much to make it better for the environment...supposively. food is expensive, but its not like eating at mcdonalds with the dollar menu...we were at the mall and everything there is overpriced. tomorrow tiff and i are giong to melrose to go shopping at some really trendy stores (like shopping on short vine and mt adams....or cool stores like urban outfitters (though cheaper)). i decided i want to be a hippy....then i decided that i did not want to limit myself to one identity, when i am cute enough to pull so much more off. we went to a bunch of stores today that sell those bohemian style skirts, like the ones i got in israel, for WAY more than i spent in israel. gyspy skirts i guess you could call them too. they are fun...
tomorrow we are going to melrose, crunch and washington mutual...shop, workout and get a bank account. well thats the plan. thursday there are no real plans and friday i am the photographer (candid digital) for trina and patricks wedding and also on saturday. i am even in the program!!! i didnt realize that until today...kind of cool. i think i will try to get some business cards printed out...ya know...networking!!! its all about who you know here...it really is!!
ill come right back....gotta take the dogs for walk...
c.ALIce
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Tempe, Arizona and beyond
we stayed in houston until friday morning.early afternoon. i stayed with christian on thursday night. i know christian from russia (when i went on a mission trip in 2000). that was great, i hung out with her and her husband and mike and lang (i knew them from other visits). we sat around and told stories and laughed alot...which is inevitable with christian and me. i picked up joe from his friends house on friday morning and we started our trek to phoenix arizona. about 3 am, my handy travel partner couldnt drive anymore..poor tired lil guy...and we stopped in new mexico to figure out if i was going to drive MORE, or if we were going to sleep in the car or get a hotel. i have this tradition to buy a lottery ticket in every state i travel through and new mexico was not an exception...we WON 15 dollars, which pretty much made the decision to stay in hotel (cause we couldnt cash it in till at least after 7am..and it was only 3am!) we got into tempe arizona on saturday afternoon around 1:30pm. brandon is in tempe...i used to work with him at encore cafe. tempe is a really cool city. it is a college town and very hippy-ish, which i love. people were really cool and laid back. ARIZONA IS HOT. it was like 112* thats crazy hot!!! we went to some bars (some cool, some not)....dont worry, i didnt tie one on..i am not a big drinker.
the best part about the trip up to this point was that people were so great. everyone i met and stayed with was super hospitable. i felt like i knew them for long time, even though i had only just met most of them (i mean other than my friends).
write more later
c.ALIce
the best part about the trip up to this point was that people were so great. everyone i met and stayed with was super hospitable. i felt like i knew them for long time, even though i had only just met most of them (i mean other than my friends).
write more later
c.ALIce
Thursday, May 19, 2005
GRACELAND
unfortunately it was dark...but graceland nonetheless. with heartbreak hotel...lonely street, all located on elvis presley boulevard....people signed the wall the surrounded his house...lotsa love for the KING!!
roadtrp033
this is the kemah boardwalk where we had lunch at joes crab shack....its kinda cool...like a mini permanant festival, beautiful day!
houston
today i spent the whole day in houston. i am trying to keep this updated as possible for those that want to be updated. i went to the pool and i went to the kemah boardwalk to see lots of sail boats. tomorrow i am excited because i get to spend time with christian, my friend from russia. i finally got a hold of her so that is great because my travel buddy is planning on going to some bars and i would much rather hang out with her than to be on drunk duty.
we are leaving here on friday afternoon and driving to phoenix. i am not sure that we will drive straight through like we did from morehead to houston...cause 18 hours straight is BRUTAL!! i think we might have to break down and get a hotel room...hopefully with 2 beds.
i feel like i am in some sorta weird dream. i am travelling with a guy i barely know and staying with people i dont know that well, but i am in control of the trip and make the final decisions in regards to the plans...and going to cool places but seems like a big daze. i think maybe once i get to los Angeles i will wake up and it wont seem like a really twisted vacation.
started the "finding gods will for your life" book and i dont really remember what i read but i remember a cool aspect of it that i will go into later, once i actually think it through for myself.
love you all....time for bed...actually i am going to get my camera and try to get some pictures on here for you to see.
love you!!!
c.ALIce
we are leaving here on friday afternoon and driving to phoenix. i am not sure that we will drive straight through like we did from morehead to houston...cause 18 hours straight is BRUTAL!! i think we might have to break down and get a hotel room...hopefully with 2 beds.
i feel like i am in some sorta weird dream. i am travelling with a guy i barely know and staying with people i dont know that well, but i am in control of the trip and make the final decisions in regards to the plans...and going to cool places but seems like a big daze. i think maybe once i get to los Angeles i will wake up and it wont seem like a really twisted vacation.
started the "finding gods will for your life" book and i dont really remember what i read but i remember a cool aspect of it that i will go into later, once i actually think it through for myself.
love you all....time for bed...actually i am going to get my camera and try to get some pictures on here for you to see.
love you!!!
c.ALIce
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
half way there
it has been an interesting trip, but fun nonetheless. we started out by making our way down to lexington, yes i know...such a far drive. i got to spend some time with stephanie which is always a pleasure. she is beautiful and great and i am extremely blessed to have her in my life. my travel partner is a chimney smoker...its bad when the smoker in the car is getting a headache from the other smoker. i have been driving most of the time because frankly he makes me nervous, just playing, though at first i was because he had never driven an SUV. On Tuesday morning we went to visit my parents. I figured it was the right thing to do since i was only an hour away anyway. I think they really appreciated it. Then we were off again. we drove all night to get to Houston this morning at 8am (9am Ohio time...yeah forgot about those time zones)...but so far the best part of the trip was going to GRACELAND...the palace of the king of rock and roll!! unfortunately we got there at like 11PM so it was closed, but we got some pics, though not good ones. it was the thrill. maybe could've been planned better to get there earlier, but it was sorta a last minute idea for the sake of a billboard...elvis lives!
joe sleeps alot. maybe i am just not a sleeper...he slept in the car for like 4 hours, now he is still sleeping. i am hungry, i wish he would wake up, but he needs his sleep i guess, growing boy and all. he is pretty funny. we dont talk much which is actually nice because i am sick of talking. i have been thinking alot...which can be good and bad. the trip seems more like a weird vacation than a permanent move. it will be nice to go there, spend some time, live a little in LA culture, but right now, i dont think i will stay long...long as in years, but definately 8 months to a year. but you never know, i might love it there and stay a really long time. but right now, just feels like a twisted vacation.
so now we are in houston, gonna piddle around town for a bit today then i think tonight i might get my first lesson in poker with the boys. tomorrow we are staying here too. i still havent been able to get in touch with christian so i am currently staying with joe's friend roger. hopefully i can stay with her tomorrow (cause i have a feeling joe will be way hungover on friday). Then we are off to Phoenix. Not so sure about the Grand Canyon, but we will see.
Plans changed a lot since the trip was last finalized...no dana, no little rock, added graceland...but it is better that way, no deadlines or obligations.
we will most likely get into LA on Wednesday or Thursday, and bright and early monday morning i am either going job hunting or going to the beach!!!
well its like 90 degrees in houston, so i might go to the pool while i wait for joe to wake up.
love everyone
c.ALIce
joe sleeps alot. maybe i am just not a sleeper...he slept in the car for like 4 hours, now he is still sleeping. i am hungry, i wish he would wake up, but he needs his sleep i guess, growing boy and all. he is pretty funny. we dont talk much which is actually nice because i am sick of talking. i have been thinking alot...which can be good and bad. the trip seems more like a weird vacation than a permanent move. it will be nice to go there, spend some time, live a little in LA culture, but right now, i dont think i will stay long...long as in years, but definately 8 months to a year. but you never know, i might love it there and stay a really long time. but right now, just feels like a twisted vacation.
so now we are in houston, gonna piddle around town for a bit today then i think tonight i might get my first lesson in poker with the boys. tomorrow we are staying here too. i still havent been able to get in touch with christian so i am currently staying with joe's friend roger. hopefully i can stay with her tomorrow (cause i have a feeling joe will be way hungover on friday). Then we are off to Phoenix. Not so sure about the Grand Canyon, but we will see.
Plans changed a lot since the trip was last finalized...no dana, no little rock, added graceland...but it is better that way, no deadlines or obligations.
we will most likely get into LA on Wednesday or Thursday, and bright and early monday morning i am either going job hunting or going to the beach!!!
well its like 90 degrees in houston, so i might go to the pool while i wait for joe to wake up.
love everyone
c.ALIce
Monday, May 09, 2005
this time next week
i know that i have fretted frequently about my trip. well here goes again. i am broke!! seems like just when i get ahead then some weird bill comes up and drags me back down. i am needless to say a little stressed out. if only money didnt rule the world! i am tired of fretting about it and just go and get it over with. i will be on the road this time next week. it should be interesting to say the least. i know that it will all come together in the end, and if i am supposed to go then everything will work out, but i also dont think that it is going to keep me from going by any means. i dunno...there is just so much to do before i go and i am so tired of working and painting and cleaning and packing. but it has to be done i guess.
i am excited though. scared still, but that will probably not change until i get into some type of routine there. tiffany has been very encouraging through it all and giving me lots of pep talks and affirming me that everything will be ok. i guess i just like to be stressed out.
c.ALIce
i am excited though. scared still, but that will probably not change until i get into some type of routine there. tiffany has been very encouraging through it all and giving me lots of pep talks and affirming me that everything will be ok. i guess i just like to be stressed out.
c.ALIce
Sunday, May 01, 2005
2 weeks
i feel like i am in the middle of a divorce, though honestly i have no idea what that really feels like. i am torn into so many directions and i feel so clueless. there is this history in our family where whenever someone decides that they want to go away, dad gets sick. cheryl goes to college, dad has to have 5-bypass heart surgery. carol goes to seminary, dad has a massive heart attack. now, i am planning on leaving for california and he goes into the hospital tomorrow for angiogram, which determines whether or not he gets slints, another bypass, a pacemaker or if he will just wait it out. figures huh? certain things are going well, and now they are getting weird because he is pulling away because he realizes that i am leaving, or so i figure. my sisters are becoming very dependant...or rather, they want me to spend all my free time with them. i have been able to hang out with friends lately and i realize how much i will miss their smiles and impact/influence they have in my life. grass isnt always greener on the other side, this i know, but the experience of jumping the fence is what makes home feel like home..ya know?
i have had a very lonely day for some reason. maybe its because i am tired and pmsing...just kind of moaped about the house with no real agenda and got absolutely nothing accomplished. i dont want to settle, but i am so comfortable here. i am glad that people finally started to become supportive of the decision, though i know it will be hard and hearts will break, and feel the hurt/emptiness.
i see relationships in my life that arent worth the effort. i see the people that dont care or respect me as i deserve. and i also see those people that love me unconditionally and just want the best for me. the ones that i rely on for strength (even though they would never know about it). the ones that say they will miss me, some will, some wont, frankly because i wont be gone from them because i am always there in spirit.
kind of feels like i am about to die or something. its not like i am never coming home. ill be back, though i am not sure when. i will miss blue ice cream. gap outlet. metropolis. margaritas. hugs. kisses. talks. star gazing and long walks. you really realize what you will miss, when you will no longer have it. its like now i have taken so much for granted. there is so much more that i wish i could've done. more time to spend. more focus on people instead of things. to love more deeply and not to hide so much. to respect more people and gain more respect. life is not over, i still have more lessons to learn, and this will only make me grow as a person. just growing pains all around i guess.
love you all!!
c.ALIce
i have had a very lonely day for some reason. maybe its because i am tired and pmsing...just kind of moaped about the house with no real agenda and got absolutely nothing accomplished. i dont want to settle, but i am so comfortable here. i am glad that people finally started to become supportive of the decision, though i know it will be hard and hearts will break, and feel the hurt/emptiness.
i see relationships in my life that arent worth the effort. i see the people that dont care or respect me as i deserve. and i also see those people that love me unconditionally and just want the best for me. the ones that i rely on for strength (even though they would never know about it). the ones that say they will miss me, some will, some wont, frankly because i wont be gone from them because i am always there in spirit.
kind of feels like i am about to die or something. its not like i am never coming home. ill be back, though i am not sure when. i will miss blue ice cream. gap outlet. metropolis. margaritas. hugs. kisses. talks. star gazing and long walks. you really realize what you will miss, when you will no longer have it. its like now i have taken so much for granted. there is so much more that i wish i could've done. more time to spend. more focus on people instead of things. to love more deeply and not to hide so much. to respect more people and gain more respect. life is not over, i still have more lessons to learn, and this will only make me grow as a person. just growing pains all around i guess.
love you all!!
c.ALIce
Monday, April 25, 2005
20 DAYS
yes sir-ee 20 days and i am leaving. seems like it is forever away yet on my door step. its going to be hard not to have the constant encouragement around all the time and hanging out with those people that really encourage my faith. i really have no idea how long i will be there. the door is open, but the closer i get the more timid i get and the more i just want to stay here. but i have to go. not because i said i would, even though that is definately an issue, but because i feel like that is where i am supposed to be for a while. maybe, if anything, it will help me get outta this rut.
anyway, i need to get back to work. love you all!!
c.ALIce
anyway, i need to get back to work. love you all!!
c.ALIce
Friday, April 22, 2005
Lost Count
I know I have less than thirty days, but havent counted today. the puppy is adorable and i might stay just because of her...nah, better not. I'll have one of my own one day.
Today was the day of Kadie's Art Show to support her trip to Uganda. She called earlier today and reminded me. I wish i could've been there, but i had to work. Kadie, being the diamond that she is, called me afterwards to let me know how it went. I gave her a stack of pictures to sell to help her fundraiser, and she said that lots of people really liked them and that people actually bought them. I am definately the harshest critic on my stuff, so i think that no one would want to spend money on it. I guess i am wrong. She is such an incredible motivator. I wish I had the heart for it like she does. She offered to sell my art for me, but I am not sure about that. She says she still needs to pray about it. She just hates to see artists not doing anything with their art. that would be me. I sold a couple pieces a month or so ago. First time ever selling my art....i usually give it away (because i dont think its worth a price). I should really get into it though. one could make money at it, and i could use money. so if anyone is interested in original art to put on their walls...you know where i am...but now i think you have to pay for it.
Anyway, thats exciting for me.
Levi offered me a job with his company. that i am a little more timid about. It is more about designing web sites...which i have been very lax on lately. i should really get into it though. I enjoy doing it..just one of those things that is frustrating at the start because i want to know everything right from the get go. but i guess in these cases..practice makes perfect. i will get into when i get to california and have time off (while looking for a job).
anyway---tomorrow (or rather today) we are moving the parents. exciting...i love lots of open space and after all their crap is gone there will be LOTS of space. i just really dont like clutter...the less you have the better...and what you have should mean something, i guess. but i dont like lugging crap around either. so maybe after i settle down and get a permanent residence i can get lots of crap and a dog!!! oh for those days.
i have been talking to Brady online...one of my greatest online buddies...and he just renews a faith in me that men of integrity and a passion for God really DO exist. He cracks me up. Has a great personality and a contagious fire about him. Plus, he has this adorable michigan accent...he is just an overall great guy. Sucks he lives in Michigan, but all my friends live far away so i guess i should be used to it. just sucks sometimes when you would rather hang out with them. allwell.
that doesnt mean i dont love the people here as well. cause i do, because i get to see them.
well i guess that is enough for today...look below at the adorableness of puppy!!!
c.ALIce
“Jesus, lover of my soul, stir up in us a spirit of rebellion against evil. Give us a passion to fight for you, to fight for love and purity. Be a constant reminder in our hearts and minds that this life is about adventure. Let our passion be to YOU and YOUR will. Give us a surge in our souls to conquer over the things we struggle with, the things we hold on to. Be clear and concise. You are the mightiest of warriors, take each of us aside in a quiet place and motivate us, give us the pep talk we so desperately need. Your love is fantastic, adventurous and powerful. Grant us an experience with it, give us a taste. All glory to YOU because you are the author and finisher. All to you oh Lord…your lil princess.”
Today was the day of Kadie's Art Show to support her trip to Uganda. She called earlier today and reminded me. I wish i could've been there, but i had to work. Kadie, being the diamond that she is, called me afterwards to let me know how it went. I gave her a stack of pictures to sell to help her fundraiser, and she said that lots of people really liked them and that people actually bought them. I am definately the harshest critic on my stuff, so i think that no one would want to spend money on it. I guess i am wrong. She is such an incredible motivator. I wish I had the heart for it like she does. She offered to sell my art for me, but I am not sure about that. She says she still needs to pray about it. She just hates to see artists not doing anything with their art. that would be me. I sold a couple pieces a month or so ago. First time ever selling my art....i usually give it away (because i dont think its worth a price). I should really get into it though. one could make money at it, and i could use money. so if anyone is interested in original art to put on their walls...you know where i am...but now i think you have to pay for it.
Anyway, thats exciting for me.
Levi offered me a job with his company. that i am a little more timid about. It is more about designing web sites...which i have been very lax on lately. i should really get into it though. I enjoy doing it..just one of those things that is frustrating at the start because i want to know everything right from the get go. but i guess in these cases..practice makes perfect. i will get into when i get to california and have time off (while looking for a job).
anyway---tomorrow (or rather today) we are moving the parents. exciting...i love lots of open space and after all their crap is gone there will be LOTS of space. i just really dont like clutter...the less you have the better...and what you have should mean something, i guess. but i dont like lugging crap around either. so maybe after i settle down and get a permanent residence i can get lots of crap and a dog!!! oh for those days.
i have been talking to Brady online...one of my greatest online buddies...and he just renews a faith in me that men of integrity and a passion for God really DO exist. He cracks me up. Has a great personality and a contagious fire about him. Plus, he has this adorable michigan accent...he is just an overall great guy. Sucks he lives in Michigan, but all my friends live far away so i guess i should be used to it. just sucks sometimes when you would rather hang out with them. allwell.
that doesnt mean i dont love the people here as well. cause i do, because i get to see them.
well i guess that is enough for today...look below at the adorableness of puppy!!!
c.ALIce
“Jesus, lover of my soul, stir up in us a spirit of rebellion against evil. Give us a passion to fight for you, to fight for love and purity. Be a constant reminder in our hearts and minds that this life is about adventure. Let our passion be to YOU and YOUR will. Give us a surge in our souls to conquer over the things we struggle with, the things we hold on to. Be clear and concise. You are the mightiest of warriors, take each of us aside in a quiet place and motivate us, give us the pep talk we so desperately need. Your love is fantastic, adventurous and powerful. Grant us an experience with it, give us a taste. All glory to YOU because you are the author and finisher. All to you oh Lord…your lil princess.”
Judah
I'd like you to meet Judah Yaffeh. isnt she beautiful!!! we got her yesterday! she is actually my sister's dog because I am not settled enough to get one of my own. Mine's name will be Israel, and nickname him Izzi...cause i am cool, i even got cool spelling.
Judah is a weimaraner. absolutely adorable, a bit of a whiner today, but we did strip her away from her family yesterday...so i guess i can forgive that. she is going to be about 60-80 pounds. but i love big dogs.
just thought i would share her with you.
chrissi
Judah is a weimaraner. absolutely adorable, a bit of a whiner today, but we did strip her away from her family yesterday...so i guess i can forgive that. she is going to be about 60-80 pounds. but i love big dogs.
just thought i would share her with you.
chrissi
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Sunday, April 17, 2005
30 DAYS!!!
A month from today I will be getting in a car and driving cross country to my Los Angeles destination. I am excited....and SO stressed, mostly about money. Just seems like God is testing my finances, and this is SO not the time to do that! just have to remember to breathe. i would say that 99.9% of all my stress in life revolves around money. i just wish that someone would just come and release me from the torment. i would love to work just to give to others instead of trying to pay my bills. its frustrating. there are so many people in this world that have money, all i need is about 40,000 and i will be home free, that would pay off school and car...the majority of my debt, and then i could travel and volunteer for red cross or work to help others get outta debt and life out their dreams. pipedreams i guess...unless you are millionaire reading this!!! fat chance huh?
anyway. i am nervous about going, mainly for financial reasons but i am also torn between getting a career job (like salary) or continuing being freelance whatever and live a little. will i find a job that will allow me to pay my bills?? UGH, if the whole world wasnt about money!!?!?!?!?
sorry, just venting frustrations about it all.
i do miss levi. i have been thinking about him alot lately, which just makes it harder to get on with my life. thought i was so over that, thought i could be open and be able to have a relationship with another person. I am finding that difficult, he keeps telling me that i hold back too much. i admit i do. just dont need the point. not wanting to work hard at much of anything in regards to boy-girl relationships. its like if i keep moving and dont plan to stay in one place very long, then i can avoid them all together. i am so non-commital. all well....one day my prince will come and he will have to fight all the demons hanging around and climb all the walls i set up and he will rescue me.
ok i think i am done for now...
send me lotsa money so i can get outta debt
chrissi
anyway. i am nervous about going, mainly for financial reasons but i am also torn between getting a career job (like salary) or continuing being freelance whatever and live a little. will i find a job that will allow me to pay my bills?? UGH, if the whole world wasnt about money!!?!?!?!?
sorry, just venting frustrations about it all.
i do miss levi. i have been thinking about him alot lately, which just makes it harder to get on with my life. thought i was so over that, thought i could be open and be able to have a relationship with another person. I am finding that difficult, he keeps telling me that i hold back too much. i admit i do. just dont need the point. not wanting to work hard at much of anything in regards to boy-girl relationships. its like if i keep moving and dont plan to stay in one place very long, then i can avoid them all together. i am so non-commital. all well....one day my prince will come and he will have to fight all the demons hanging around and climb all the walls i set up and he will rescue me.
ok i think i am done for now...
send me lotsa money so i can get outta debt
chrissi
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
HUMOR ME
I joined UPROMISE and it allows you to have anyone be added to help you pay off your college loans. I figure if i get 100 people to sign up under me that i will have my loans paid off in no time. it is really not that much a month from one person...like i made 4.00...but times that by 100...times 12 months...see where i am going with this.
GO HERE
https://lty.s.upromise.com/displayServlet?pl=d8zVjXnI7ls$&ax=ff_inviteO
It really doesnt take that long and I can never see your information.
Humor me and sign up on my behalf....i just want to see if it really works.
thanks
c a bond
GO HERE
https://lty.s.upromise.com/displayServlet?pl=d8zVjXnI7ls$&ax=ff_inviteO
It really doesnt take that long and I can never see your information.
Humor me and sign up on my behalf....i just want to see if it really works.
thanks
c a bond
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
life not that bad
as you all know, i am very anxious to leave cincinnati and move on with my life in los angeles. i am also scared to death. i am leaving everything i have ever known. i continue to waver back and forth in my head to who i will become when i am there. i am not too worried about it. i do have this intense feeling of guilt sometimes by the way i live my life. not being who i think God wants me to be. But i also wrestle with His love for me, though i know its not an excuse, i just think that His love is bigger than my short-comings.
I am not one that really expresses whats really going on, but still speak of many things in poetic rambling because i still hold back certain parts of my life from those i know read this blog. do i think they will judge or condemn me...probably. take no offense, there are some things in life that just shouldn't be talked about...its just not proper (or so i was taught).
work isnt all that bad. Sid is talking to me again, which is a relief because he is really the only one i really talk to or hang out with. I have known him for years and we have had some pretty intense conversations. i would hate to lose that, and i thought i did. he is stubborn as all get out though. i wonder sometimes why we are even friends because we argue a lot. levi is like that too though. i guess i like the challenge of making up...or i think they are worth the effort for some reason.
tiffany is very excited about me moving there. i am literally counting down the days and trying my best to tie down all the loose ends before i go. financially i am good, except i would like to be more secure. i pretty much have a job once i get there, maybe even two. i am really not worried about it. everything seems to be working out perfectly...so far, i am sure something trajic will happen the day before i leave...such an optimist i know.
that is really the only thing interesting to talk about...of course there are other things i think about that i can go into....but i'll just keep that to myself. i am finding that i am a pretty boring person. i think this blog might be more interesting when i am in california and i can talk about my adventures with people at home without really having to talk to each and everyone. i think i will miss a couple people...but i wont know until i get there.
c.ALIce
I am not one that really expresses whats really going on, but still speak of many things in poetic rambling because i still hold back certain parts of my life from those i know read this blog. do i think they will judge or condemn me...probably. take no offense, there are some things in life that just shouldn't be talked about...its just not proper (or so i was taught).
work isnt all that bad. Sid is talking to me again, which is a relief because he is really the only one i really talk to or hang out with. I have known him for years and we have had some pretty intense conversations. i would hate to lose that, and i thought i did. he is stubborn as all get out though. i wonder sometimes why we are even friends because we argue a lot. levi is like that too though. i guess i like the challenge of making up...or i think they are worth the effort for some reason.
tiffany is very excited about me moving there. i am literally counting down the days and trying my best to tie down all the loose ends before i go. financially i am good, except i would like to be more secure. i pretty much have a job once i get there, maybe even two. i am really not worried about it. everything seems to be working out perfectly...so far, i am sure something trajic will happen the day before i leave...such an optimist i know.
that is really the only thing interesting to talk about...of course there are other things i think about that i can go into....but i'll just keep that to myself. i am finding that i am a pretty boring person. i think this blog might be more interesting when i am in california and i can talk about my adventures with people at home without really having to talk to each and everyone. i think i will miss a couple people...but i wont know until i get there.
c.ALIce
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
another day
so i did a workout yesterday. i really need to get motivated to get into shape. i want to do it before i get to california, even though much of my motivation is in california. tiffany doesnt mess around...she will drag me to the gym. nice to know, but i know i can do it on my own.
i made some money yesterday on ebay. good for me. i should really keep my mouth shut though. i was planning on using it as a savings for california, now i am obligated to give it to the parents to help with bills. i understand, but still irritating. seems like just when i get ahead there is always something there to hold me back. i want to pay off a credit card, but instead of the credit card, i have to pay a mortgage payment. i SO do not want to own a house or have any fiscal responsiblities when i grow up. i dont ever want to rely on my job or income to keep a roof over my head. i will save for years to buy a house, straight out, no loans. i know...wishful thinking. it is just a little frustrating hating to go to work, wanting so bad to leave with some sort of security financially and of course it just falls apart. i thought God was taking care of me, then ....
i love my parents. i love my family. i love many many things, but i am SO ready to have a life of my own. i cant imagine how cheryl feels. she has helped financially far more than i have. she is a better daughter than i am. carol is so broke, there is no way. watch...she will become the millionaire. i hate to complain about it. i hate to feel bad for helping those in need, but it just seems like it comes at the worst times. this house better sell soon!! i think when i get to california that i will be making more money so i can help out more. i am planning on selling my truck before i go, so i can get a car with a cheaper car payment, and better on gas milege. i am still trying to trust Him. Just hard when my idea of taking care is falling apart. the most frustrating part is that i am not making the money at work. i am broke too. i still have bills to pay, and once when i averaged 100/day now it is like 50....NOT GOOD!! thats an incredible loss. especially considering i work like 50-60 hours a week. 25 so far this week, and i still have all day tomorrow, friday and saturday. GOD PLEASE PROVIDE. 46 more days. not a whole lot of time. SO excited and scared to death at the same time. what in the world am i getting myself into?
just pray that God will provide for my family, that the house will sell and we will all find places to go. honestly i think the house would sell if mom and dad would leave when people came to see it...i wouldnt want to walk around a house with the owners still lurking around...but hey...its their house. i also wish they would just get to moving. it just keeps getting postponed week after week. by the way, i am going to need some bodies to help (sarah..your bro has friends!!) i will keep you updated. hopefully by the end of the month...was SUPPOSED to be the last of february...see my frustration!?!?!? just itching for the big change...sick of waiting around.
think that is enough bitching for today. i actually had a fun day. work wasnt so bad, made alright money, and had some fun tables. i think i got to the point that i am not about trying to make all the management and owners happy, just the people i wait on (because ultimately, they determine whether or not i have a job!). i need to get resume crap together though. ugh....one more thing to do!!!
c.ALIce
i made some money yesterday on ebay. good for me. i should really keep my mouth shut though. i was planning on using it as a savings for california, now i am obligated to give it to the parents to help with bills. i understand, but still irritating. seems like just when i get ahead there is always something there to hold me back. i want to pay off a credit card, but instead of the credit card, i have to pay a mortgage payment. i SO do not want to own a house or have any fiscal responsiblities when i grow up. i dont ever want to rely on my job or income to keep a roof over my head. i will save for years to buy a house, straight out, no loans. i know...wishful thinking. it is just a little frustrating hating to go to work, wanting so bad to leave with some sort of security financially and of course it just falls apart. i thought God was taking care of me, then ....
i love my parents. i love my family. i love many many things, but i am SO ready to have a life of my own. i cant imagine how cheryl feels. she has helped financially far more than i have. she is a better daughter than i am. carol is so broke, there is no way. watch...she will become the millionaire. i hate to complain about it. i hate to feel bad for helping those in need, but it just seems like it comes at the worst times. this house better sell soon!! i think when i get to california that i will be making more money so i can help out more. i am planning on selling my truck before i go, so i can get a car with a cheaper car payment, and better on gas milege. i am still trying to trust Him. Just hard when my idea of taking care is falling apart. the most frustrating part is that i am not making the money at work. i am broke too. i still have bills to pay, and once when i averaged 100/day now it is like 50....NOT GOOD!! thats an incredible loss. especially considering i work like 50-60 hours a week. 25 so far this week, and i still have all day tomorrow, friday and saturday. GOD PLEASE PROVIDE. 46 more days. not a whole lot of time. SO excited and scared to death at the same time. what in the world am i getting myself into?
just pray that God will provide for my family, that the house will sell and we will all find places to go. honestly i think the house would sell if mom and dad would leave when people came to see it...i wouldnt want to walk around a house with the owners still lurking around...but hey...its their house. i also wish they would just get to moving. it just keeps getting postponed week after week. by the way, i am going to need some bodies to help (sarah..your bro has friends!!) i will keep you updated. hopefully by the end of the month...was SUPPOSED to be the last of february...see my frustration!?!?!? just itching for the big change...sick of waiting around.
think that is enough bitching for today. i actually had a fun day. work wasnt so bad, made alright money, and had some fun tables. i think i got to the point that i am not about trying to make all the management and owners happy, just the people i wait on (because ultimately, they determine whether or not i have a job!). i need to get resume crap together though. ugh....one more thing to do!!!
c.ALIce
Monday, March 21, 2005
winding road.
well the rain keeps on coming down feels like a flood in my head and that road keeps on calling me screaming to everything lying ahead and its a winding road i have been walking for a long time and still dont know where it goes and its a long way home ive been searching for a long time and i still have hope im gonna find my way home, i can see a little house on top of the hill and smell the ocean salt in the air and i can see you standing there washing your car and i can see california sun in your hair and its a winding road i have been walking for a long time still dont know where it goes and its a long way home and i have been searching for a long time and still have hope im gonna find my way home oh these dreams took me so far and i felt i couldnt go on and i want to hang out the window of your car and see just how good this baby can run. its a winding road i have been walking for a long time and still dont know where it goes and its a long way home ive been searching for a long time and i still have hope im gonna find my way home...long winding road...still have hope, one day we'll find our way home still have hope we will find our way home.
let it go.......
you may or may not know that i recently got back from israel. spent two weeks there climbing mountains and looking at really old rocks. life changing? nah. i think more than anything it gave me a clear vision of where my passions lie. to work more effectively at getting closer to things i know i want to do. i set some goals. finalized my moving date for california to the first to second week of may....so i have 48 more days in ohio. it made me realize how pointless it is to complain and carry on about work, because it doesnt define me...which is really scary because i dont know how to do much of anything else. the fact that i love languages, so i made a goal to be well versed in 5 by the time i am 30. i started teaching myself arabic. not the easiest language to learn, but hey, its not like i cant do it. i am very ready to get out of cincinnati. i just want to see new environments and meet new people. that is not a slap in the face of those i have known (though some seem to think so, no sa i am not talking about you, or becky). i wish they would all trust me though. i talk alot of shit about going there to spread my wings and get wild and crazy....do ya'll know me at all?? If i cant do it in cincinnati, what makes you think that a car ride across the country is going to somehow magically change my convictions and morals. yes, it is a new place, a chance to re-invent myself, but not in the way you think. why would i want to become like everyone else when i know in the deepest parts of me that i am exceptional and WAY above all that. give me a little credit eh? i am sick of playing the rebel...but i dont want to be outwardly vunerable around people that will give me that "look." i just want to go, and i have no qualms or splitting of spirit in doing so. i dont feel like God is yelling no, if anything, He is saying GO. do you ever have that feeling in your gut, kind of like when you are standing in a very long line and there is no real reason why its not moving and you are somewhat in a hurry to get to the place you are standing in line for. you kind of feel this aggrevation boil up in the pit of your stomach like "come on!! whats the hold up?!??!" that is how i feel. God wouldn't make me feel this way if He intended on me staying. He wouldnt close the doors all around me and open ones there if He wanted me to stay. He would not have given me the desire or ability to move if it was not somewhere in His plan. Plans are not ever set out in such a way that you have NO doubt...of course i have some concerns. But in my experience I have learned to follow some sort of intuition. I was never positive i was supposed to be somewhere until in retrosept i realized how He brought me there and why (sometimes i dont even know why). My presence in other places was divine because in being there i brought people closer to Him in one way or another...most times i dont even know how. I have encountered incredible relationships that i would not otherwise had because i took a small intuition of doing something i may or may not have needed to do. if i stayed here all this time, i never would have left new bethel, if i wouldnt have gone to russia....campbellsville, UC, etc etc...i can see NOW why i needed to go, when at the time it felt so unnatural and unnecessary or unimportant..now i see the lives i changed...people....olga. sarah. becky. kadie. luci. levi. jill. steph. tammy. matt. lori.....please support me in this. stop giving me a hard time. stop trying to stall me. stop trying to find 1000 reasons to stay (cause i could do that too). please just trust me, let me go and love me despite of what may come of it.
i love you all dearly...love me back
c.ALIce
i love you all dearly...love me back
c.ALIce
Friday, February 18, 2005
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
who i am....he doesnt know
last night i had a conversation with one of my best friends. he still to this day makes my heart flutter. he is becoming this incredible man of God, the kind i would always hope he would. it is as if we switched lives. i used to be the one that had it all together. the one that lived the rightgeous and upstanding life. now, after talking to him i feel like i have fallen so far away. makes me wonder if i was ever really there...i had to have been. i have never loved one person so much. at the same time, at various times in life, i have never hated one person so much either. i prayed and prayed for years for God to raise him up, make him what my heart saw, the potential...the warrior. i let him go, in order for God to do His magic. i stopped trying to change him, i loved him the way he was...i love him the way he is. i learned alot about love and relationships from him. no one really likes him, but if you ever got me started on talking about him, i could barely stop. i am disappointed. in my head i always thought that i prayed for him to become this man so i could have him...but the most painful thing in my life is being rejected by him alone. he is my best friend, but he doesnt know me. he doesnt because i never let him see. i wanted to be what he seemed to want, and i feel like in doing so, i lost him. and all the while i was trying to be what i thought he would want, and who i really am is what he desires...but he doesnt know that part of me. i used to be "too good for him" now i feel like i am not good enough. he has been with this girl that reminds of me of me. her hearts desires, her passions, her true convictions. now i dont know where i am. i didnt intentionally change to mold to his cast, but gradually over time.
its pointless now. again i am alone. i suppose i feel like i will always be alone. i never used to have a problem with it. i have just lost hope. figure after 26 years i would get used to it. he was the only person i was ever open and honest with about my feelings....and he loves me, but there is always some excuse. if he asked me right now to marry him i would definately say yes. i would become who i know i am, not for him, but because of him. i miss him terribly. i miss the conversations, the arguments, the passion of getting along. i miss him...he wants me to come there to be near him. how painful it would be, it is painful enough three states away. why? to fall more deeply in love with him as he pursues another.
i guess one could say i am sad. i am happy for him. i am thrilled that he finally found his heart. i am excited that he has found someone to walk with him. he says mine will come. i say that none will quite compare...cause they wont. no one has that history, that much love and appreciation. i dont want to find someone else. i say that now, until the other comes along...but today i dont think that even if he came along that i would be anything he would want, as is the situation with my best friend. i love him. and it hurts.
i dont want this to come across that i would only pursue God if there was some sort of promise of a significant other....thats ridiculous. i want Jesus, just too scared that he too will hurt me, take advantage, reject me or push me around (like all the others). never compare guys to God....there is no comparison. just trust him and be faithful and he will give you the desires of your heart...i will just sit here, cause i felt like i have tried so hard for so long and still left with nothing. is my incentive for having a relationship with God only to promote myself or recieve blessings...honestly, dont you think that is the way it is. be faithful and he will bless. stay strong and he wont leave. i guess i was never faithful or strong enough to merit it. that fuels my rebellion. why try so hard to wait for something that may never come...i know in the world if i do i certain act, i get a certain instant gratification. with God, there are no methods, no plans or guarentees.
i do want to be happy. i do want to live a Godly life. i do want to fulfill my innermost God-given passions. he always said i made things too complicated. i know that living any other way is vanity. nothing is worth it...only HE is worth it. i know it, i dont have to go and make sure i experience it...living for God requires that you deny yourself and live for others...thats not complicated, that is lifes simple pleasure.
i just want to leave it all. i want to go right now!!! workin on the pateince thing....not doing so well. want to leave every pain behind and move on with life. want to experience new pain.
c.ALIce
its pointless now. again i am alone. i suppose i feel like i will always be alone. i never used to have a problem with it. i have just lost hope. figure after 26 years i would get used to it. he was the only person i was ever open and honest with about my feelings....and he loves me, but there is always some excuse. if he asked me right now to marry him i would definately say yes. i would become who i know i am, not for him, but because of him. i miss him terribly. i miss the conversations, the arguments, the passion of getting along. i miss him...he wants me to come there to be near him. how painful it would be, it is painful enough three states away. why? to fall more deeply in love with him as he pursues another.
i guess one could say i am sad. i am happy for him. i am thrilled that he finally found his heart. i am excited that he has found someone to walk with him. he says mine will come. i say that none will quite compare...cause they wont. no one has that history, that much love and appreciation. i dont want to find someone else. i say that now, until the other comes along...but today i dont think that even if he came along that i would be anything he would want, as is the situation with my best friend. i love him. and it hurts.
i dont want this to come across that i would only pursue God if there was some sort of promise of a significant other....thats ridiculous. i want Jesus, just too scared that he too will hurt me, take advantage, reject me or push me around (like all the others). never compare guys to God....there is no comparison. just trust him and be faithful and he will give you the desires of your heart...i will just sit here, cause i felt like i have tried so hard for so long and still left with nothing. is my incentive for having a relationship with God only to promote myself or recieve blessings...honestly, dont you think that is the way it is. be faithful and he will bless. stay strong and he wont leave. i guess i was never faithful or strong enough to merit it. that fuels my rebellion. why try so hard to wait for something that may never come...i know in the world if i do i certain act, i get a certain instant gratification. with God, there are no methods, no plans or guarentees.
i do want to be happy. i do want to live a Godly life. i do want to fulfill my innermost God-given passions. he always said i made things too complicated. i know that living any other way is vanity. nothing is worth it...only HE is worth it. i know it, i dont have to go and make sure i experience it...living for God requires that you deny yourself and live for others...thats not complicated, that is lifes simple pleasure.
i just want to leave it all. i want to go right now!!! workin on the pateince thing....not doing so well. want to leave every pain behind and move on with life. want to experience new pain.
c.ALIce
Friday, February 11, 2005
Lanruoj....Being
Tonight i went to see A Wedding Date with my sisters and my dad. A totally unrealistic movie. Regardless, I have come to terms with something--i am an incredible person. I am an extraordinary woman. Yes, I have my flaws. I am selfish and proud. I think I am sick of hiding behind this facade of something I am not. I am kind, generous and patient. I need Jesus, He alone can complete me and make me whole. I cant run and hide from Him. He is with me everywhere, and He never leaves me. I am anxious to go. I am tired of being here. I am just anxious for something new. That in and of itself is not sin. I am excited to go to Isreal, to walk the ground that my greatest Lover treaded. Yet, in the same breath He has treaded on the most sacred of ground, my heart. He does not walk on it with disgust, but tends to its gardens, watches for predators and prepares it for its revealing. I feel sometimes I overlook His patience and gentleness for me and I replace it with my twisted persception. All I see is the weeds, the work and the great force that lurks around to overtake it. I see the impurites and fall to my knees in hopeless retreat. I think sometimes I would rather lay down and let it all envelop around me than to take any action. Why am I so scared to be loved? What has wounded me so deeply? I sucumm to any pressure or even incinuations. Why believe all the lies? Can they not see who I am? I dont have much of anything figured out fully, but I know this one thing, regardless of whether I accept it and let it penetrate my soul, I know that i am loved. He finds me beautiful, and for just reason. I am not ranting about a boy, a crush, or a lustful infatuation, I am speaking of Jesus. So real to me, yet such an illusion. I must believe deeply He is real and relevant to my life.
I will have many adventures in my life, my soul is designed for it. My dreams, whatever they are, will come. Sometimes its very hard to get caught up in the everyday drama to find a focus. I need to see the life I am living today rather than the life I might have tomorrow. I have been hopeless. I drag myself down because of my inconsistency. I tear myself up over my unfaithfulness and inadequacies. I am not that girl anymore. I havent been for a while. I project her so that people will think that I dont have it all together. But pretending I am clueless is just as frustrating as being with someone that is clueless and pretending to have it all together. Is it a sin to want to live? Is it wrong to go away from the mundane? I think not. I used to think risk was scary, but I am realizing that taking risks is a priviledge. I am trusted. I have become so comfortable being someone else, I have to make a conscieious daily effort to find my true identity. Some parts are truly me and here to stay, I cant fake much, but some parts are a facade to hide behind my protective wall of safety and security. Risk isnt safe, there is a chance for failure....but each failure is one step closer to success than inactivity will ever be.
c.ALIce
I will have many adventures in my life, my soul is designed for it. My dreams, whatever they are, will come. Sometimes its very hard to get caught up in the everyday drama to find a focus. I need to see the life I am living today rather than the life I might have tomorrow. I have been hopeless. I drag myself down because of my inconsistency. I tear myself up over my unfaithfulness and inadequacies. I am not that girl anymore. I havent been for a while. I project her so that people will think that I dont have it all together. But pretending I am clueless is just as frustrating as being with someone that is clueless and pretending to have it all together. Is it a sin to want to live? Is it wrong to go away from the mundane? I think not. I used to think risk was scary, but I am realizing that taking risks is a priviledge. I am trusted. I have become so comfortable being someone else, I have to make a conscieious daily effort to find my true identity. Some parts are truly me and here to stay, I cant fake much, but some parts are a facade to hide behind my protective wall of safety and security. Risk isnt safe, there is a chance for failure....but each failure is one step closer to success than inactivity will ever be.
c.ALIce
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Cute Boy
Cute boy came up and danced with me....kissed my hand, said "Thank you" and walked away. Was the higlight of my weekend. Just thought I would share!!
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Oh wow! Something accomplished
So I have decided to take more pro-active role in my life. To maybe work towards something...If not just anything. I realize that I am moving in like 4 months, I am VERY excited to leave Cincinnati and experience something new and exciting, but also feel like there is so much to do before I leave. So I made a list.
I sold two photographs to one of my sisters friends so I need to get that together. I was quite amazed that someone actually wanted to spend money on my crap, but makes me feel good nonetheless. I found this awesome place in Fairfield (after hours of calling around) that will enlarge the negative for me at a reasonable price (quality still pending). So I don't have to worry about the extra expense of enlarging it myself. Buying frames and matting...Which makes me feel like I did actually learn something in college!
preparing my portfolio. I have some great photos but have yet to put them in a professional portfolio to show to potential employers. So I had the place enlarge some of my other prints and also have had some printed out recently...dilemna now--finding a portfolio to put it in! That will come I am sure.
calling photographers, after I have completed the above, I have names and numbers to different types of photographers in Cincinnati. One is commercial, one is wedding, one is a bit of both. This will be beneficial when I do actually move to have had some valid work experience to show for. I plan on cutting back my hours at encore once I get back from Israel to focus on working more with my field, to see if I really want to do it.
taking pictures again. Its been a while. I loaded up my camera and read through the manual and am well prepared to go and try it out. Israel will be the best place I think. I also have a couple opportunities with people from work that will give me lots of practice, furthering even more my valid experience.
so all the above is basically career based, but at least it is something. I am also going to work on getting rid of this thirty extra pounds that has plagued me for years. That I think will be the hardest challenge.
parents house is currently being assembled, we should be well on our way to getting them moved after we get back from Israel. Cheryl has tentatively bought a house in deer park, so I will be working to pay off my debt when she can move in by fixing and painting and knocking out walls!!! Fun fun fun!! Then we will be outta this house and I will stay here till a sale is finalized and carol graduated college...Again!
going pretty well...There are still an abundance of issues, but I am trying to learn not to take everything so seriously and just have some billigerent fun!
c.ALIce
I sold two photographs to one of my sisters friends so I need to get that together. I was quite amazed that someone actually wanted to spend money on my crap, but makes me feel good nonetheless. I found this awesome place in Fairfield (after hours of calling around) that will enlarge the negative for me at a reasonable price (quality still pending). So I don't have to worry about the extra expense of enlarging it myself. Buying frames and matting...Which makes me feel like I did actually learn something in college!
preparing my portfolio. I have some great photos but have yet to put them in a professional portfolio to show to potential employers. So I had the place enlarge some of my other prints and also have had some printed out recently...dilemna now--finding a portfolio to put it in! That will come I am sure.
calling photographers, after I have completed the above, I have names and numbers to different types of photographers in Cincinnati. One is commercial, one is wedding, one is a bit of both. This will be beneficial when I do actually move to have had some valid work experience to show for. I plan on cutting back my hours at encore once I get back from Israel to focus on working more with my field, to see if I really want to do it.
taking pictures again. Its been a while. I loaded up my camera and read through the manual and am well prepared to go and try it out. Israel will be the best place I think. I also have a couple opportunities with people from work that will give me lots of practice, furthering even more my valid experience.
so all the above is basically career based, but at least it is something. I am also going to work on getting rid of this thirty extra pounds that has plagued me for years. That I think will be the hardest challenge.
parents house is currently being assembled, we should be well on our way to getting them moved after we get back from Israel. Cheryl has tentatively bought a house in deer park, so I will be working to pay off my debt when she can move in by fixing and painting and knocking out walls!!! Fun fun fun!! Then we will be outta this house and I will stay here till a sale is finalized and carol graduated college...Again!
going pretty well...There are still an abundance of issues, but I am trying to learn not to take everything so seriously and just have some billigerent fun!
c.ALIce
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